Edited Letter

Reading this post of yours and others it seems like you are really throwing all of your energy and time into communicating with this pharmacist. It's almost as though you simply can't bear to think of anything else. Putting all of your energy into this seems to serve a really important purpose for you.
From the outside it looks irrational. From everything you've written here in the last few days the energy and intensity you are putting into communicating with this person doesn't feel like it fits with the reality of the situation. it must serve some very important purpose and help you in some necessary way. i wonder how.

Maybe because it's a distraction from the exam that I failed which is what I discussed in therapy yesterday. Since failing that exam, I've felt lost, like all the wind was knocked out of me and it made me think that my life is going to be a series of failures.

I've had a crush on this pharmacist for a long while. I don't know what the sudden rush to ask him out.

All of my energy has been thrown into trying to drag myself out of bed everyday. It must be depression trying to come back and I tried to call the new Dr. to tell him that the samples were making me vomit everyday, no one ever bothered to get back in touch with me.

So I called and emailed the psychiatrist's office where I was for 9 months to see if I could go back to that psychiatrist.

hey hope i get it rejection is a scary thing . i just dont think a letter is the way to go .it feels to me like something that would be done in middle school. wanting to ask someone out to coffee is a completely natural thing to want to do .i might be wrong but maybe your preoccupation with it here is that with your struggles this may seem like an awkward thing to do and are looking for acceptable ways to go about it to assure the best out come . like i said every one is a bit nervous when trying to get to know another person you might like better. its natural .so is asking him out for coffee.sending him a note to do it might be looked at by him as a bit strange, most people with the confidence will just ask in person hey i would love to get together with you for coffee sometime is this something that is possible . this would give him a chance to accept or decline.i bet if he declines it will have nothing to do with how you look.he doesnt seem like that kind of guy. if he is not interested then i am sure he will find a gentle and appropriate way to turn down the invitation . it could be he is already married,has a girlfriend,finds it unethical to go out with a customer from work .all of these could be reasons that are about him not you .

Is this the bad psychiatrist??

If this pharmacist does not respond to your messages I think it would be best to let it go. I don't think it would be wise to keep sending more and more messages.

I haven't sent anymore messages. I only sent one through messenger.

It would be better to do it in person but my anxiety is pretty bad so I'd have to try to find a way to relax.

And no, this isn't the bad psychiatrist. He's a good psychiatrist but I left after 9 months. Hopefully, he will let me come back.

I am totally unmotivated to do anything today.

You've already sent it, so now it'll just be a waiting game. He might reply, he might not. It's a good opportunity to work through this.

Since the pharmacist already declined your Facebook request, I really would not ask him out either in person or via letter. He is there to do a job, and by rejecting the fb request he has already let you know he is not interested in a more personal relationship. If he rejected the fb request, saw the message on messenger and then gets asked out, he might decide that constitutes harassment and you may be asked not to come back to the pharmacy. Is it really worth risking being banned from the pharmacy just to give him a letter, knowing he's going to say no anyway? Even more so, if you really care about this guy, why put him in the position of making him feel uncomfortable and having to turn you down? It has nothing to do with you not being pretty (I'm sure you are) or not being a great person (I'm sure you are). He seems to simply not be interested. For all we know he may already be in a relationship, or just not be interested in anyone who has ever been a client, even if they're not a client anymore. Why not put your energy into more positive, self-enhancing activities? Maybe try studying the material in order to take the test again, or get more involved in hobbies, or spend time with other people whose company you enjoy?

I am not on messenger, but I can get messages sent thru messenger when I go to FB on my computer (just not on my phone). It tells me who the sender is and the first few words of the message. So if your pharmacist is on FB on his computer, he will have seen that you sent a message.

I would not send another message. I would smile and joke when I saw him and be patient and see what happens. I think you are doing well to not have tried to follow up.

I had only planned on saying what I wanted to say once and that was all.

I do see what you mean about seeing the first words of the message if used on a computer.
The first words on his message say Coffee or Lunch one day?

So that will be all he sees. I don't think he will read the rest so he probably won't know what that first line meant.

He's a sweet guy. If I knew it would make him uncomfortable, I never would have done that.

I have to admit, I'm really embarrassed tonight.

Now I do feel embarrassed.

There's absolutely no chance of a great guy like that having any interest in me.

Don't throw a pity party. I'm sure you're a good person. And everyone deserves to be loved. You just have to find the right person. In the meantime, work on yourself so you can be a better person for your future partner.

Hope you are taking things very personally. It may not be you but the timing and method may just be inappropriate. Your chances will be better under different circumstances. Yes it is harder now but making the wrong move too soon can ruin a future opportunity. You are fully deserving of love. Don't sabotage yourself.

I don't know how I ended up caring about him so much. I tried to keep my heart guarded after it was shattered.

And now my brother has medication that needs to be picked up from the pharmacy tomorrow.

I think I cared more about this pharmacist guy than I even admitted to myself but I can feel
it in my heart.

He really is a wonderful guy with a caring heart. ❤️

Nothing wrong with making light small talk when you pick up your brothers meds

And then I miss him when I leave. I wish I could have a real conversation with him.

I really blew it.

Hope, I'm gonna give you a little piece of advice that may help and I learned from experiences that caused more pain when I didn't follow it. You can take it or leave it but thought it might be helpful. Don't do the things you want to do when in an intense or painful emotion or even one you want to avoid. Sitting with those feelings until they pass is a best choice and saves you regretted actions. It isn't comfortable in any way to do this but it often saves more pain. Slow down and don't beat yourself up so much, no one got better over night and it takes lots of practice to really get hold of. I hope this is helpful albeit not easy.

I am glad that I got it out though.

I wanted him to know how I felt about him.

Just my experience. If you are happy with your decision then thats what counts. Best of luck!

Thanks! I'm pretty sure on his computer he saw the "Coffee or Lunch One day?". So, I assume that he figured that I was asking him out.

Now what am I supposed to do/say/or act when I go there today to pick up my brother's prescription?