Rough Night

I am having a rough night. The struggle is real. I feel so anxious it feels like I could crawl out of my skin.

I don't know how to stop intrusive thoughts and negative self talk. I tried journaling tonight and it was almost triggering. I got super anxious even doing the most simple thing.

I also have been having horrible and irrational guilt over things. Like I feel bad that I am struggling so much internally over essentially nothing when life is so short and it feels like in the blink of an eye everything I love could be gone.

I don't know. I am just a hot mess tonight. Anyone else?

You're not going to be able to undo those problems thoughts tonight but what you can do to help you make it better right now is distract yourself. If you have a cat cuddle it; stuffed animals work too. Is there any music that helps relax you? Sometimes when I need to destress I'll watch old feel good TV shows like The Andy Griffith Show or the **** Van Dyke Show.

Thank you for responding Yoda. Yes I am distracting myself with YouTube videos. Hoping this weird phase in my life ends soon because this has just been a brutal 2 months.

I am not specifically dealing with this tonight (though I am wired and not sleeping), but ohhhhhhh boy, I know what you are talking about. That negative voice at night. The thoughts that just won't settle down. And you're right about the guilt: you feel like you spend so much time worrying, and then you think about how much you'll regret the time spent worrying, which makes you regret it in the moment even more, and the cycle goes on and on and on.

I really do empathize with you. Do you ever try turning something on or reading to interrupt those thoughts? (edit: I see Yoda already suggested this!)

Here is something that might make you smile for a moment or two.

Yes oh my goodness it is the most vicious cycle isn't it? It has been relentless lately. I am 23 years old and have so much going for me yet there's this darkness that has a grasp on me it feels like. I know I am not depressed, I just feel like I can't get a grasp on anything. Thank you for expressing empathy, it does help knowing others have experienced this and I am not losing my mind.

This was adorable and definitely put a smile on my face! Thank you for sharing ☺

You most certainly aren't losing your mind. Oh gosh, I remember thinking that too! "Is this just how my life is going to be now? Am I slipping away more each night?? How many months has it been now??"

I feel like accepting that my brain is wired that way has made it a little easier and less common, but I also don't like it when I'm told to "just accept it", as if it's as simple as flipping a switch. I know it's not that simple.

When I first started feeling this way I repeatedly asked my boyfriend those questions- "Is my life over?" "Is this feeling going to last forever?" "Is this who I am now?" It was an all consuming thought that just paralyzed me with fear.

Now that I have been generally doing a bit better it has turned into "Ok but how long will I feel ok before I feel bad again?" "Am I really happy?" It's now a fear that I will slip back into that mindset again, because I genuinely have never felt as poorly as I have the last couple of months.

I am a fighter though, and I know this is a temporary thing and that is why I am trying to just take things a day at a time. Mornings and nights just seem to be the worst

How are you feeling today? I hope you are feeling better. If this is an ongoing struggle for you, do you think a therapist or psychiatrist might help? Best wishes.

Hey.. are you feeling better?

You're right when you say you're a fighter.. you definitely are.

I am feeling a little better today. I don't know if a therapist would help or not but it is something I have considered (especially when this was really bad).

I feel like I am out of the worst of it but these lingering intrusive thoughts can be brutal. I keep saying I want to go back to my old self but this may have changed me. Thank you for your kind response.

Hello and thank you so much for your kind response.

I am doing a little better today. I am just going to take it one day at a time, because thinking too far into the future seems to be a trigger for me.