want to stop crying - break up - too much in my head

I am here because I have recently broken up with a boyfriend of 3 years , 3 years of a great relationship and I cannot seem to get on with my life. Crying every day, sometimes many times a day. Seems to have got worse over the last week. I have so many questions going over and over in my head despite the general missing him like crazy. I hate that he has become a stranger to me after either seeing him or speaking to him every day for 3 years.

The last couple of nights I have been literally physically belly crying not wanting to go to bed as when I go to bed I will be on my own ( have been for 54 nights now) and I will then have to wake up in the morning and face this whole thing on another day. This feeling is worrying me.

He ended it as I went around to talk about moving in together and wanting to know if it will ever happen in the future. He doesnt want to live with anyone. Ever. He is very independent. I get that. Obviously I would like to live together.

He then took this as " we want different things, you want this- I am not prepared to do it so we should call it a day"

Thing is he made this decision and won’t go back on it despite the fact that I still want to be with him.

He sees it that it is a very important thing to me.

Not that important that I would not be with him if I cannot have it.

He is the most important factor.

He has said there is no chance for us and it is over and I should dispose of his house key ( I used to come and go as I pleased at his house and stayed there half the time when my children were at their dads).

It hurts like crazy when what we otherwise a fabulous relationship full of laughter and love is now over.
I know when he told his mum and dad that we were over, they then said they were very sorry as they really liked me and then he said "So do I ".

What now??

My heart and head are screwed.
I have had no contact with him since 30th November.
It ended on 14th November.

I want to go and see him to get answers - it ended by text message, I then called him as he had said he was going to be busy that evening ( he was ) so I needed to ry and arrange a time to talk to him about it. His mind was made up, he was not in a great mood and so everything has been done without any face to face contact. His mind was made up

If I text him he has an opportunity to say he doesn’t want to see me and I will feel worse
I want to go and see him to reduce his opportunity to say no but I am too scared to go around. I used to go around there all the time.It hurts that I feel so scared to do it.
He truly was the love of my life

I am 45 he is 48.
He has had very few relationships. Is very independent, I am his longest relationship by quite a long time.

He works as a truck driver and plays cricket and I worked around that without making any demands on his time.
I love him so very very much
We had 6 fabulous holidays together over the last 3 years One was in the in the south of france in October in fact, we had such a wonderful time it truly breaks my heart.


I know you don’t have answers as such, but how can I stop my head from constantly thinking about it despite me trying to keep busy. I think of him and I just start crying.
I am losing the will to do anything.

HELP!!!!

Hello measurer: I believe you posted this, & received some replies, in another forum. So I'll reply here. And, since this is still just your second post... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I myself can't really be of much help with regard to your concerns. I presume the members who replied to your post on the other forum no doubt were. However, here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/recover...-and-breakups/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...tional-affair/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...ver-a-breakup/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...om-heartbreak/

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Hiii.... I am so sorry for what happened... perhaps spending time with your kids can help? Or change the room where your are sleeping, so it won't be the place where you slept with him... you still have a loving family to love you and care for you, you can rely on them I suppose, until you feel better... you can get the love and compassion you need from them...

Now that it is all said and done, I do not think he was a good fit for you. Time to move on to someone better than him.

I relate to so much of this, and your other thread as well. I lost a person who resembles yours, and at first I was absolutely devastated and shattered. Later I saw that it was a blessing in disguise. I think it will be the same for you, but I know that doesn’t make the pain any less.

I know it hurts, and because it was such a long relationship and this was such a fresh breakup, it will continue to hurt for a bit. The only thing you can do is move on and let him go. I know it feels impossible; I've been there. But it is the only way you'll ever recover. You're strong enough to do it.

Start small. Allow yourself to cry when you need to, but try to get back into your hobbies and spend time with your kids. Try looking for something new to do. When I was going through losing the girl I loved, I took up writing. It wasn't something I did when she was around, so having something completely new to focus on that wasn't associated with her helped me a lot. Whatever you've had an interest in doing but never actually did: do it. Especially during times that you used to be spending with him.

It takes time, but you'll slowly find yourself getting back on track. It may seem agonizingly slow at first, and that's because it is. But you can get through it. And when/if you feel ready to get back into the dating world again, you'll find someone who is worth your time.

Take care, dear

I am going through a split (Oct 6th 2017)as well after 15 years. I don't know if this helps, but here goes. When I go to sleep I keep repeating the same phrase, something like I am healthy, I am strong, I am well. It could be anything you want to say as long as its positive. Also you won't start to mend without sleep. A good 8 hours can make a diiference in how you feel and deal with your thoughts. I take zzquill every couple of days to help me sleep. I know how much it hurts but remember you are important to a lot of other people so take care of yourself for them. Be strong!