[DanSmith]

So I found a guy on the Internet and I fall in love with him immediately (something never happened before in my life) I even became obsessed with him, can’t stop thinking about him day and night.

The problem is that he does not know me, I only know him from his YouTube channel and social media, I tried to contact him but with no use.

I became so depressed and I don’t know why, but what I know is that I was almost fine before I met that guy, but now the pain is unbearable every moment feels like hell.

Possible trigger:

I seriously thinking of committing suicide.

I don't know if I am depressed and sad because I know that I could not reach to that person I am obsessed with or there is something else? And in any case: what to do now? Is there a solution or what because I can’t take it anymore I can’t sleep or eat well and I stopped going to work because I feel life is meaningless now.

Thank you very much.

[Skeezyks]

Hello DanSmith: I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most difficult circumstance. My suspicion here, if I may go out on a limb so to speak, is that there has perhaps been some emptiness within you that pre-dates your having become aware of this guy you've fallen in love with. But the feelings you have developed for this guy have, perhaps, deepened & magnified that longstanding emptiness.

The first simple answer to this situation is that time heals. With time, your feelings of unrequited love for this guy will fade. They may not disappear entirely. But they will lessen. The other simple answer to this is therapy. Spending some time working with a skilled mental health therapist may help you both to come to grips with your current feelings as well as to learn what it is that caused you to become so enamored to begin with. And especially if you are feeling suicidal, it's really important to reach out, in real life, for help. I've made two serious attempts on my life in the past. And so I can tell you, from personal experience, that suicidal thoughts are nothing to mess around with.

One other thing I will share with you is that I had a similar, if less intense, experience a few years ago. It would take too much time to go into all of the details. But, basically, there was a YouTuber I became aware of whom I very much wanted to get to know. It wasn't a romantic kind of circumstance. But, for me, there was a significant emotional attachment. Sadly, she wanted nothing to do with me. In fact, as time went on, I became concerned that she might be viewing me as some sort of internet predator. So, after a while, I simply stopped following her on the internet at all. It's been a few years now since all of this occurred. But I still harbor fond memories of her & hope she is doing well.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here are links to 2 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-pr...on-withdrawal/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/thera...-of-the-heart/

Also... this topic has been the subject of previous threads, here on PC. Here's a link to one. You may find the discussion that occurred to be helpful:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...-reaction.html

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to continue posting. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[DanSmith]

Hi Skeezyks

Thank you for replying and for your nice words, you almost got me out of my depression state. I was looking for someone experienced the same problem so he/she can understand.

You are right about your suspicion I am so sad and lack motivation for life even before now and what happened recently was like the final nail in the coffin (metaphorically I hope). I used to see a therapist because I suffer from social anxiety disorder but therapy didn’t do me good at all, but I am considering seeing another therapist.

My intention was to seek advice but I will stay around for some time, thank you for your welcoming and useful links you post.

[Mysterygirl202]

Originally Posted by DanSmith

Hi Skeezyks

Thank you for replying and for your nice words, you almost got me out of my depression state. I was looking for someone experienced the same problem so he/she can understand.

You are right about your suspicion I am so sad and lack motivation for life even before now and what happened recently was like the final nail in the coffin (metaphorically I hope). I used to see a therapist because I suffer from social anxiety disorder but therapy didn’t do me good at all, but I am considering seeing another therapist.

My intention was to seek advice but I will stay around for some time, thank you for your welcoming and useful links you post.

I hope you are doing better.
I agree with the above post.

I also think anytime an obsession begins with a person that it's not a good sign and it's not good for you.

I will be praying for you, and yes please do stay around.
There's so much out in the world.. no need to let any crummy people ruin it

A good movie always inspires me. I see all these parts of the world I've never seen before, and see how big the world is.. and how small I've made mine.

You are cared for here, so please stick around.
I'd also encourage you to seek out truth in the bible (I'm a christian, so I can't help it) and see that we are all human, so we are bound to let people down, but God is perfect and is literally everything we need. He will never let us down. His peace is eternal.

Love!

[mote.of.soul]

Hi DanSmith. I don't know why it happens and why the feelings can become so deeply in love, it's happened to me too, but fight your way out of it. It's all in the mind really, you can get through it and begin to put it in the past. Maybe it's time to talk to a doctor or counselor? Hang in there, you can get through it. Keep reaching out as well.

[DanSmith]

Hello again,

Thank you all for caring about me, I really appreciate it too much.

As an update: I send a love letter to that guy I was talking about and responded to me nicely saying that he found my feelings for him very beautiful and honest, and we chat a little.

I was very happy with his response it did reduced the pain by great deal and it was the best day of my entire life (no exaggeration), although I am still living in agony but at least he now know that I exist and I love him despite everything.

I don’t want this feeling of love to fade away still I don’t wanted to stay, it’s like a paradox, a beautiful anguish, sometimes I wish that none of this ever happened but still that guy I love is the most beautiful thing I have ever known so I don’t regret knowing him.

Another thing I notice is that I somewhat like the feeling of indifference (not caring about anything) that struck me since the beginning of this crisis, it reduced my anxiety and set me free from worries, like no matter what will happen I couldn’t care less. I feel like the universe is mine I can do and say whatever I want nothing matters nothing is on the line.


This entire situation reminds me of the time when I was in middle and high school when I was trying to form relationships with handsome colleagues of mine but I was extremely shy to do that. However, I remember one time when I almost kissed a classmate on his lips (couldn’t resist the temptation he was perfect) but I stopped in the last moment fearing how he would react.

I don’t have much else to say now, see you soon my friends.