Adulting is Hard

I'm trying so, so, SO hard to be a financially and all-around independent adult. And it's tough. I feel like I still have my training wheels on and I just want to rip em off and go full throttle, and the worst part is I can't. I'm still very much dependent on my parents and grandparents financially and emotionally. I am working very, very hard to be successful financially. I just received a letter from the bank saying they increased my credit limit again (I've just been approved to increase my limit not too long ago) because I never miss a payment and I have a very high credit score for someone my age and for someone my age who has never taken out a loan. But I struggle with spending and I feel overwhelmed because I still need to save a considerable amount of money by the end of the month for my Oregon fund, and that's my biggest priority, making sure I meet that deadline. I have to, there's just no way around it. I have to prove to my parents that I can save, and that I can make it on my own without their help.

I'm also struggling with weight loss. It costs a lot of money to be on the diet I have--maybe compared to some it's just average expense, but to me it's overwhelming. I was on top of the cost for a few months, then stopped because it got too much, now I'm trying again and again, the cost is getting to me. But I feel weight loss and healthy eating is a big priority.

Another part of adulting means time management is crucial, and I've been slacking on self-care. I used to have the time to have all-day spa days, now my time is so limited I can hardly breathe! I feel go-go-go and it's affecting my mental wellness.

I feel like I only scratched the surface of adulthood and it is so overwhelming. Take that and add my bipolar, the loss of my home, a temporary separation from my furbaby, and the upcoming move... I really don't know how to cope anymore. I want to cry but I can't. I want to scream but I'm afraid I won't stop. I've been brave and strong for so long it's unbearable, I'm ready to feel weak and sad and hopeless and to just grieve.

Adulting is hard.

You can do this. You seem very strong. I admire you a lot.. I don't think I'd be capable of handling the situation as well as you do.

Hi, LL! Well, I personally think you're "adulting" very, very well! Managing your resources and taking care of yourself responsibly will positively affect your stability and satisfaction in life. Dealing with a mental illness, while difficult, doesn't absolve you of doing your very best, and you should be proud of your accomplishments.

Some 40 years ago, I started keeping a budget...nothing fancy...at first it was just a list of things owed (power bill, phone bill, insurance, etc.) and checks written, but over time I began to rely on it to determine if, and when, I would have some "fun" money (discretionary funds) to look forward to. I found that managing my money was empowering, even when it meant that I had to deny myself something I really wanted.

You can cry, scream, and grieve all you need to, and people here will listen. Feeling overwhelmed is scary, and there are a lot of things we can't control in life no matter how much discipline we have. But you're doing all the right things, LL. One step at a time.

Hey. Adulting is hard. AGREED. I wish I had more time to just be a troubled young person. With adulting comes responsibility’s and having to grow up. I suffer from depression/anxiety and feel like I don’t have time to work on myself. I must do all these things now that sometimes I have no motivation for because of my mental health. I hope we find a way to fall into adulting without feeling scared of it.

I still feel overwhelmed by the pressure of being an adult.I am 54.I am on welfare and rely on my mum when I don't have enough money.It is a chore to keep up with chores and I never have time for my creative projects.I resolve I will make time to write and do art work.Also losing weight and getting fit is important to me too,it cost more to eat healthy I know.All in all you are doing well,not having time to yourself,like spa days can be very draining and I understand how it is affecting your mental wellness.You must juggle thing or drop something so that you have regular down time.

The hardest part of being an adult is that the responsibility is all down to you and the buck stops with you.Be strong though and look at how much you do achieve whether financially independent or not your parents obviously think you are worth supporting anyway.

Thank you everyone. It's so hard to stay strong. I want to give up, but I can't, and I feel tortured by everything going on in my life.

Well, I had enough in my paycheck to pay off my CC bill in full, but not enough for my Oregon fund I had $XYZ left after paying off the CC bill but from the last two weeks I charged almost twice that amount for next month's bill...so I put it all towards that. I feel very sad today. I should be happy my CC bill is paid off in full and on time (since owning a credit card I have never missed a payment nor have I had a late payment, and I have always paid in full every month on time), but I am sad I was so careless last month that I couldn't put anything toward my Oregon fund this paycheck plus no money for anything for the next two weeks, and I am sad to have to return birthday gifts as well, although with my luck it won't be returnable because they were on clearance and Hot Topic has the most bizarre and unfair rules. Today is a sad day.

Looks like you already burst into adulthood, full throttle. Now you are facing the responsibilities. You don't need to be dependent anymore.

To be completely honest, when I read your comment I rolled my eyes. I wasn't sure what to think of that. But today, while celebrating my parent's little retirement party I put on for them, I stood up for myself and told them what I've been doing to move myself forward in life and my goals for the future. They were impressed and were proud of me, and they were 100% behind me. And as I was talking to them, I realized how much I've grown and that I was already going "full throttle".

I've just been go, go, go, plan, plan, plan, do, do, do these days. Very little time for myself. I write letters almost everyday to my childhood babysitter that I am still very close to to this day, and it is my little escape from reality. And I enjoy working on my bullet journal, it keeps track of the days and the to-dos as well as my food logs, med logs, reflections, etc. It's a work in progress but it helps me with the day-to-day planning, as I'm more of a month-to-month planner. Otherwise, lately I have no time for myself.

Right now I am planning a good-bye party with my friends to celebrate our friendship before I move away. I've been working on all of our activities for two weeks, and today I spent some time cleaning. I cleaned my room, the front bathroom, and vacuumed my room, the hallway, and the stairs. I walked around the house in the areas where my friends will be and made a rough and then a final draft of things to clean in order of importance and the time it will take. Then I have grocery shopping to do.

But today after my chores I threw a retirement party for my mom and dad. I planned out gifts for them that they loved and bought them their favorite cake, then we sat under cold AC and watched comedies. So that was a fun, relaxing time and we enjoyed ourselves. I try to make it appoint to spend time with my friends as well. A couple days ago I had a sleepover with my best friend and we did facials and watched movies.

I try to balance fun and work but maybe it's the move but I feel like there's more work than fun. Adulting sucks, but at the same time it feels good to have a sense of responsibility and independence.

Tell us about your move to Oregon. Are you moving there with your family?

Yes, I am moving with my mom and dad. I've already been one step ahead of my parents for my end of the deal. I've called AAA and got quotes from them, I called my vet and spoke to them for about 20 minutes about transitioning my cat, and I called the vet a second time regarding pricing and what shots and exams I need for a puppy, I called different German Shepherd breeders and found one I like, I got information about the DMV...lots and lots of phone calling and email going into this.

I have been working hard to save money and by the end of my employment I will have saved almost $6k. A portion of that money is for AAA and another portion is set aside for the puppy.

Almost all of my stuff is packed up in boxes ready to go. I have my utmost personal belongings in safe places where I can easily find them. The PTSD from the fire has me prepared to be ready for anything, so my hope is that if there's an emergency I just need to grab and go...but I doubt that will happen again *knock on wood*.

I've already begun to prepare for Christmas and my parents birthdays in October. For my dad's birthday, I built him a BBQ caddy from scratch. For my mom, I got her a lot of makeup-and-spa stuff to wrap up individually, and I may get her a marijuana pipe because she said she's never tried but would like to now that she's retired. For Christmas, I found a collector's edition of Abbott and Costello's Buck Privates which one, my parents love Abbott and Costello, and two, Buck Privates is one of our all-time favorites. Also was able to get my dad a really cool-looking book on sci-fi/horror short stories that looks like it'd be up his alley, a true-account war book (he likes military history) and I cannot believe I found this but an "Animal House" book...yes...a "sequel" to the movie Animal House with John Belushi in book form written by the guy who LIVED IT!

I try to balance work and fun, and a lot of the time, "fun" means doing good things for my loved ones.

As a continuation for my grandparent's anniversary and to also prepare for my party, my goal is to do my best to clean the house top to bottom. Yesterday, I vacuumed downstairs and cleaned the front bathroom (plus cleaned and vacuumed my room plus did laundry). Since 10 o'clock this morning, I mopped all of the downstairs floor, cleaned the upstairs bathroom, started some of Mamma's dirty towels in the wash and started the dishwasher, got rid of all the cobwebs in the whole house, and I have just now finished cleaning the front door inside and out plus got rid of the spiders and their webs from the front porch and cleaned the blinds of the front door. I'm so ashamed of myself because it took me 45 minutes just to do the door and the front porch cobwebs...but I hope it will all be worth it! I owe my grandparents several hours of work...2 1/2 hours of which was owed to them for giving me $100 spending money for a concert a few months ago out of 5 hours of work that I never finished. I've now completed the final remainder of those last 2 1/2 but the rest is owed after I gave my grandma a card for her birthday that said I will grant her 5 hours of free work, so I am hoping these hours will hold me to my word.

I took a long break and will be heading back for more chores, but on my break I wrote this to my friend...

She said...
"I feel like I live at work I work so much" ...she is new to working long hours and has very little responsibilities and has yet to grasp the basics of adulthood...

So I wrote...

"I hate to say this, but not only is this expected of you now as growing young adult, but you have only scratched the surface of adulthood. Maybe it's because of the stress of moving...but I've mastered and grown accustomed to 40+ hour work weeks and going on a week or even two weeks without a day off...I started out with one bill, then three bills, now on top of the bills I had and the 40+hour work weeks I have gas, insurance, phone, groceries, medical visits, auto maintenance including oil, water, and keeping my jumpstarter charged, vet bills, a savings I put into every paycheck, attending and scheduling doctor's visits on a regular basis, and then there's chores I do on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, budgeting for the week/two weeks/monthly, plan out birthdays, work on weight loss, have spa/"me" days, hang out with friends, spend time with my parents and grandparents....BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Not only do I fit all that into play, I now have to plan my life in Oregon, so now on top of all everything I'm doing now, I'm calling AAA to get quotes for insurance and how the DMV process works, calling the vet one, to help Evy transition into her new life, and later, to schedule her an exam and dosage for sedatives for the day we move her up, then there's planning for a puppy which plans aren't yet revealed to Mom and Dad so shhhhhh, somewhere down the line I'm getting a new car so I have to sit there for four hours to sign the X's, then because my parents are retiring I need to enroll in my own medical/dental/vision which will happen in the first two months, then there's looking into attending school and getting dates to attend school, then while taking three months off of work I need to apply to different jobs, and because I won't be on my parents insurance I need a job with benefits and finding the right job that will help my career as a geriatric nurse, yes, a career pathway is important and mine is a tough one...and the list goes on and on and on...IT DOESN'T STOP...all while I'm doing all my other priorities as well. BUT WAIT....OH GOD...NOT AGAIN? Here's a disclaimer, and the point of my writing this.....all of what I described is only SCRATCHING THE SURFACE OF ADULTHOOD....IT DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! *thuds*"

I finished my chores. 6 1/2 hours of work from today and yesterday...thats also considering about an hour combined total of breaks taken out of the equation. Im beat. Now its time to pamper. Ive showered, shaved, plucked my eyebrows, cut my nails, and now Im working on painting my nails. Dark blue with silver stripes. I still need to pick out a makeup style I want. More pampering scheduled tomorrow at the local beauty college. For $15 the students will do my makeup for my costume party. Ive never tried their makeup services but Ill take an hour of pampering just because. Ive definitely earned it. Yay.

Uh...make that 7 hours. 😱

Remember you need down time,rest time, we don't want you to have a meltdown from overdoing the physical exertion and no breaks.All work and no play will lead to regrets one day!You need rest too LiteraryLark!

Today is the day of my party, Miss Marilyn. I'm going to get pampered at the local beauty college, then at the party we're having a costume party and everyone is pitching in to make dinner, then everyone is getting a teddy bear, candy, and a little jar where we are putting the end results of our activities including an item that represents us, a cut out of our hand that we will color and all write one positive thing about each other on each finger, a "fond memory" on an index card, and a "Friendship Scavenger Hunt" like you'd do in elementary school. Then we will all make an art project with paint on a canvas which we will sign with our hand prints and once dry cut it into fours. Then I am buying a white cake and different colored icing and sprinkles and we will decorate them...then the rest is up to us whether we want to play games or do facials and nails or just hang out and talk. Yes, I've been planning this for weeks and I am hoping everyone will have fun!

I didn't want to post everything about my party here, because I talked about it in other threads of mine, too, so here is the link!

https://forums.psychcentral.com/gene...ml#post6225219