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#1
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I'm noticing a pattern in my life:
Some people who respect others treat me rudely once they get used to me. Of course, there are people who are respectful towards everyone including me. But those are acquaintances or causal friends. But the ones that get close to me always show this pattern. It makes me not want to be myself anymore. It makes me want to become who I am not: An uptight person who is too intimidating to mess with. It makes me not want to be so friendly and so easy-going with people anymore, because once they get close to me, they will walk all over me. I don't even want to give anyone a genuine smile anymore or even use causal words like "Hi" or "Hey!" that let's them know my guards are down. I want to just give a polite fake smile and say "Hello," like I am so formal and inaccessible. I've really had it recently with a new friend bullying me again, making a critical comment over a very trivial matter, when I wasn't even talking to her. And she was so respectful towards all the "elites" at the social gathering. ![]() |
![]() Anonymous40643, Anonymous49426, Bill3, IrisBloom, MickeyCheeky, mote.of.soul
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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#2
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I am sorry you are struggling.
The issue might be your choice in friends. People and behaviors you describe don’t sound like these people are friends yet you refer to them as friends. You might be getting too close to people too soon putting them into friendship categories before you even get to know them. I don’t think you need to start being cold and unfriendly. I think you just need to be more selective and a bit less trusting. This person who is bullying you... how and when did she become a “friend”? |
![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() Bill3, IrisBloom, MickeyCheeky
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#3
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She approached me at work and "let's eat lunch together" turned into her oversharing to me about her personal problems. This oversharing/ buying my sympathy kind of people keep approaching me, and this is why I feel the need to appear less approachable.
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![]() Bill3, MickeyCheeky
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![]() Bill3, MickeyCheeky
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#4
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I COMPLETELY undderstand what you mean, ennie! I believe you don't need to become cold and impersonal!
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![]() Anonymous43949
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#5
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Quote:
Perhaps this person is lonely, lonely people do tend to overshare. If you don’t want her to overshare, keep your distance next time. I don’t think you need to be less approachable. Just avoid “intimate” situations with these people. I have someone at work who tried to tell me details of her terrible marriage. It’s uncomfortable. I don’t stop being friendly with her but I don’t do one-on-one things with her. We aren’t friends. I don’t go out to eat with her. What I fail to understand is why and how someone you ate lunch once became your friend. I wonder if these people take advantage of you because they sense you place them into close friends category very soon after meeting them and before you even know them well. |
![]() Bill3
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#6
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IME people that overshare right away need something. Maybe its a friend, or a listener or someone to abuse, who knows? I look at my time as being in a bank. When I make a withdrawal from my time bank I want to spend it wisely. This does not include listening to someone I barely know or a coworker I am not close with go on about their issues. When this has happened I have definitely pulled back from being anything more than polite with someone.
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
![]() Anonymous43949
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![]() Bill3
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