I give up. Sort of.

I have really not been feeling well. I've been dealing with major anxiety and depressive symptoms. This whole morning and early afternoon, that's what my body gives me. It feels very physical. The anxiety is new. It's very weird.

I had a messy med change March - June, and I was in hell for a while. So my doctor took me off it. While this isn't any better really, It's not consistently like this. Last night I felt ok. Good, even.

I do think I need something to do with my days. What, though, you've got me on that. Beats me. I'd work if I knew what I wanted to do and if the idea didn't terrify me. That's kind of what I give up on right now. Trying to figure out my life. Yes, I want to get off of disability. But I don't have all the pieces there yet.

Also when I'm feeling so ******, all I want to do is....not do things, not go out, etc.

I am seeing my psychiatrist on the 11th of this month. I'm SO excited. That is not sarcasm lol. I think I can wait. But being in pain like this really sucks.

There's nothing wrong with taking some time for yourself to figure out what you REALLY want to do, Ptak I DO believe it's important not to isolate yourself though. You may be feeling worse if you do that. Just try to keep yourself busy with something. Anything at all. It can even be something simple like jogging. Keep fighting! You'll get through this sooner or later. I know you will. In the meantime we're here to support you. You can count on us. I'm not sure if you have a support system IRL since that's VERY important in my opinion. Either way, we'lle be here for you THAT'S A PROMISE! I hope your appointment with your Pdoc will go well! Wish you the BEST of luck in BOTH your healing and your life! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Ptak, and to ALL the people you love and who love you!

MickeyCheeky, thank you so much! I agree it is best not to isolate. I will see what I can do.

baby steps. try volunteering at someplace close to you..animal shelters always look for help. start small. see what you can handle.

going off disability is a huge leap. it terrifies me...what if I crash and burn..how hard would it be to go back on? so I work part time at a place that understands sometimes I might need to slow down some.

med changes are hard. I had a hellish time years ago...lost 9 months of my life and ended up with a brain injury from it. I totally understand. it's all good once you find the mix that works. good to see the dr... it takes time for everything to clear your system.

I get what you have on your plate. it's hard. like I said....go slow..try a volunteer position someplace..test the waters. good luck at the dr's. it will get better...trust me.

Resurgam, I want to thank you. Those were such nice things you said and its helpful to hear.

I will write more later.

Feeling you’re going to fail is just your anxiety talking. Just try to get out of the house one day to walk down the street and back. And maybe in a couple days, try going around the block. Then visit the local library and so on.

How's it going now? Just checking in, if you'd like to talk.

It's going better. I still have bouts of depressive and anxiety symptoms (Like today). I want to see if I can hold off on taking an antidepressant. DBT has helped and is helping, and one win I had was last night, when I started to feel anxious, and I ended up going to the pet store to look at the animals. That was huge because 1. typically I would just brood and 2. it actually really helped as a distraction.

I have been volunteering (I did it twice so far). The first time was great. The second time was socially awkward and I didn't want to be there (Luckily I wasn't there a long time). It's not enough, but I do DO other things. I am also seriously considering going back to school to get my associates degree online in science.

Thanks for asking Cepheid.

I'm really glad you got some relief. It can be so hard to find things that work for us. Pet store does sound nice. Hmm ... hang on ....

[tap tap tap, [pause] "well, she likes dinosaurs..." tap, tap, tap, click]

@CepheidVariable Hahaha, thank you for the laugh!