The Big Things

How do you get over the big stuff?.... the really, really big stuff that you can’t do a thing about?

I had a very frustrating counseling session today.

I just keep running in circles, going nowhere.

I have not gone to therapy for a while. If you are not looking forward to it, take a break for as long as you want. Do what your heart desires. Look inside and figure out what you really want to do with your time.

Archangel Ariel ~ Soul Manna ~ Pick A Card

Lily are the 'big things' mistakes that you've made, or traumatic events that have happened to you?

I accept how they made me feel. Like with mother, my sisters and their hatred, it crushed me. I had to face that and accept the fact that it crushed me. As I went through that, I remember episodes where their behavior reinforced their angry hatred.

Would you like to know what I experienced by doing that? That problem stopped nagging me because I validated my feelings. I validated and addressed my wounds. That started them to heal. And now, after plenty of time and any additional work I did on that problem is that it doesn't stop me dead in my tracks like it used to. Plus, I can talk about it. I might tear up but it no longer cripples me.

Another thing I want to tell you is now when something painful starts to bubble up, I tell myself that I am embracing my hurt little girl to heal her. I embrace my wounded feelings to help them heal. So, I heal and I learn. Doesn't get much healthier mentally than that, in my opinion.

It might be unhealthy, but I let it steam. Letting it boil or pool around is too much. Sinking into a hole is not something that one should try to do, especially when things in life are always going to come by and take over for an event. You shouldn't let it blister either. Talk it through with a family member or friend. Maybe make some space and breathe for a little without trying to think about what it is that you are worried about. You can sort of just get over the details if you use replacement activities to deal with the times that it overwhelms you, such as yoga, reading, doing a puzzle, or walking.

So you did, learn from the circle. Circles are sacred.

Both but mostly traumatic events and other events I just couldn’t help. I’ve beat myself up with guilt over any bad decisions and mistakes.

All I learned from going in circles is that there is absolutely nothing I can do about any of it. Nothing. Maybe I could have done some things differently or better but maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference.

One thing you learned from the Circle, is there is somethings you can do nothing about What is done is done. Now look forward to what you can do. Not about your past but about your future. Take your risks and learn and grow. New learning is possible in the great circle. (Universe)

I found some good advice from this link:

10 Life-Changing Facts to Heal the Pain of the Past

7. Beliefs about healing can get in the way.
Besides getting stuck in the story, you might become aware of beliefs you hold about what needs to happen for you to let go. These are simply more thoughts that keep you distracted from the heart of the matter. Here are some possibilities:

• “I feel justified in staying stuck because I was wronged.”
• “It is someone else’s responsibility to make this better for me.”
• “If I let go, I’m somehow approving others’ bad behavior.”
• “I need an apology.”
• “Life is unfair.”
• “It was so bad that it’s not possible for me to heal.”

I love this. Thank you so much.

Yes I am doing things on this list. I especially tell myself it’s so bad I can’t heal from it. Somehow I must get over that hurdle in my mind.

Hang in there. Our brains are complicated operating systems. The 7 beliefs about healing that we create in order to avoid feeling any emotion about what someone did to us, can be reformed.

I really hope you are right. It does no good to trap myself into feeling that I cannot get over this. I’m facing the sad feelings right now. I guess I spent too much time running away from my feelings.

When I feel like you do, I visualize myself standing in the middle of a torrential rainstorm. Then I ask myself, "how long do I want to stand here, getting soaked, letting the rain sting my face, soak my clothes, and feel cold." When I feel stuck, I visualize myself stuck in a very uncomfortable torrential rainstorm. So, my only choice is to allow myself to feel the emotions I repress. But it's not easy for me, as my dreams constantly reflect.

Our feelings are not wrong. We have to feel and process them to heal. I have a very hard time expressing my feelings and tend to repress them which is not healthy at all.

Have you used your therapy sessions at all to express your repressed feelings? That's probably the safest place you can do it. With the guidance of a therapist.

My therapist keeps encouraging me to get everything out. He’s asked me to write my life story and we will go over everything. So I’ve been working on that and the feelings have been overwhelming. There has been quite a bit of trauma in my life. I guess that’s why the therapy hasn’t been going well for me. I’ve been resistant to getting my feelings out but I don’t seem to know how. Your visualization tool sounds like a good one. Maybe I can eventually visualize myself healed and happy.

I don't know if you ever used substances or any addictive behavior to deal with the pain of your past but there is a book you might want to look at titled "Drop the Rock". Even if this is not your experience, it has some great insights and techniques in it.

Lately, I have learned to look at disappointments as the universe had another plan for my life. A disappointment can mean another opportunity is there for you instead if you are in an open and positive state of mind. For instance, when we are unable to be with some of our family during the holidays (I will not be seeing any of my extended family this year), then we can have an extremely relaxing holiday--no airports, crowds, etc. Sometimes our culture tells us we should do this and that but when we look deep down inside we find that those things have not been making us happy. I spent very little time doing holiday shopping and cooking this year and am feeling so much more relaxed because of it.

Also, I am becoming better at focussing on myself and not others. We have to find happiness in the things we do for ourselves. Looking to others for happiness can be dangerous because sometimes our friends and family want completely different things than we do or they are just at a different stage in their lives than we are. It is so important to accept others as they are and if it is not our thing then just do our own thing. We can check in with them but we are not the director of others lives nor should they feel they can direct ours unless we mutually agree to certain plans. I found the transition from motherhood (where I was directing my childrens lives all of the time) to my children's "adulthood" very trying. I was living too much of my life through them. It was unhealthy for all of us. I have made so much progressed cutting that emotional chord.

I’ll check this book out. Thank you for the recommendation. I hope you are doing well.

Thank you. Thank you for being my friend.