[Have Hope]

I’m downward spiraling. I’m having a really time coping with having to fake it trough the holiday when I’m falling apart emotionally. I’m not coping well. I’m basically deregulating. I’m severely depressed over my work situation. I don’t know how to get through the holiday. All I want to do is stay in bed.

[LilyMop]

I’m so sorry your job is affecting you like this. Is there anything you can do to vent all your emotional energy? Go for a walk or a run or a bike ride? Sometimes even though I don’t want to get out of bed I do feel better if I drag myself outside for some physical activity. I hope you feel better soon.

[Have Hope]

Thank you, but I can’t. I can’t get out of bed. It’s really effecting my mental health badly. It’s so toxic in so many ways. I think it caught up to me. All I want is sleep and to disappear right now until the holidays are over.

[Thunder Bow]

Stay in bed and enjoy, then start looking for a new job when the holidays are over.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Stay in bed and enjoy, then start looking for a new job when the holidays are over.

Yes that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

HaveHope, I posted in your other thread that I think the best action you can take for yourself, is to quit your toxic job.

Toxic jobs can affect our mental and physical health. It can cause insomnia, anxiety attacks, stomach problems, loss of appetite, severe depression, etc.

Toxic jobs put the body's nervous system into overdrive and any "injustice" experienced at work is horrendous on your self-worth because when it comes from a boss or their boss, or team member (the injustice pattern), it affects you at your core of who you are.

I had a friend who quit her job in human resources after being with her company for 7 years because the work environment was so toxic, her hair started falling out and she lost weight and had daily panic attacks. Her husband supported her quitting her job. She eventually found another one and used a friend at her previous job as her professional reference (not her toxic bosses).

So, there is a way out for you: quit your toxic job. Or, find a way to take a mental health medical leave that you are entitled to FMLA (family medical leave act) with pay. Some companies comply with it, and some don't. You could call your city's ombudsman to find out how to enact it -- take a month off to job search and recoup mentally. But if that's not possible, put yourself first and tell your husband that you need his emotional support while you quit your toxic job. Then, join a Dislocated Workers Program.

Goodwill Easter Seals offers it in every city, as does every county as a resource for people in your situation. You are matched up with a career counselor and given access to a ton of resources, even grant money to complete job-related courses or certificates if you're doing a job change. It will be your saving grace = having a career counselor to help you find a better job in a more healthy work environment. The only downside is, that you have to stay in touch with your "case worker" once a month during your job search, and then shortly after you are hired at your new job. The pro is, you can quit the Dislocated Worker Program anytime. There is no "penalty" to quitting it. You just won't have free access to a career counselor and the resources that go with that person.

I would quit your toxic job. Tell your husband that's what you are doing and tell him that he needs to support you.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

HaveHope, I posted in your other thread that I think the best action you can take for yourself, is to quit your toxic job.

Toxic jobs can affect our mental and physical health. It can cause insomnia, anxiety attacks, stomach problems, loss of appetite, severe depression, etc.

Toxic jobs put the body's nervous system into overdrive and any "injustice" experienced at work is horrendous on your self-worth because when it comes from a boss or their boss, or team member (the injustice pattern), it affects you at your core of who you are.

I had a friend who quit her job in human resources after being with her company for 7 years because the work environment was so toxic, her hair started falling out and she lost weight and had daily panic attacks. Her husband supported her quitting her job. She eventually found another one and used a friend at her previous job as her professional reference (not her toxic bosses).

So, there is a way out for you: quit your toxic job. Or, find a way to take a mental health medical leave that you are entitled to FMLA (family medical leave act) with pay. Some companies comply with it, and some don't. You could call your city's ombudsman to find out how to enact it -- take a month off to job search and recoup mentally. But if that's not possible, put yourself first and tell your husband that you need his emotional support while you quit your toxic job. Then, join a Dislocated Workers Program.

Goodwill Easter Seals offers it in every city, as does every county as a resource for people in your situation. You are matched up with a career counselor and given access to a ton of resources, even grant money to complete job-related courses or certificates if you're doing a job change. It will be your saving grace = having a career counselor to help you find a better job in a more healthy work environment. The only downside is, that you have to stay in touch with your "case worker" once a month during your job search, and then shortly after you are hired at your new job. The pro is, you can quit the Dislocated Worker Program anytime. There is no "penalty" to quitting it. You just won't have free access to a career counselor and the resources that go with that person.

I would quit your toxic job. Tell your husband that's what you are doing and tell him that he needs to support you.

Thanks, Blanche. I agree that it can cause all sorts of problems, and it caused a complete breakdown for me last night.

But I cannot quit and I cannot take medical leave. It's complicated, but I could lose my job if I take medical leave.

It's just not an option.

My only option is to work through it, stick it out and/or find another job. It will be .hard to face, but it's really my boss who is the most toxic. It's one person.

[LilyMop]

@Have Hope

I am right there with you in the very same boat. I can’t just up and leave my job. I would love to. I’ve even done some interviews these past few months and nothing has worked out so far. We have commitments and we can’t always just walk away from our commitments. That’s how it is for me right now. I hope one day a new opportunity opens up but I haven’t found it yet.

I am working on trying to just “give up” my need to control my stressful work situation. I hate to even use the words “give up” because it’s not in my nature to “give up.” But I think that whether I stay at my current job or find something else, I will never find peace if I don’t accept that I can’t control the chaos at work. What if I did find another job that seemed great and then chaos blows up again one day? We all bring our personalities to work. Not everybody’s personality meshes well and some personalities are just downright toxic. We will never escape the toxic people. If I do ever have the joy of finding a lovely new job... I hope I have worked through my own issues enough that I can handle things a bit better. My main issues are boundary setting and communication.

So I’m trying to visualize myself throwing my hands up in the air. As I run through the halls to escape other people’s work piling on top of me I’m going to just throw my hands up in the air. 🤪

I hope you’re able to relax enough to enjoy your day a little. Snuggle and hug your pets and loved ones and have faith in yourself that you will tackle the work stuff when you get back to the office. I have faith in you. ❤️

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by LilyMop

@Have Hope

I am right there with you in the very same boat. I can’t just up and leave my job. I would love to. I’ve even done some interviews these past few months and nothing has worked out so far. We have commitments and we can’t always just walk away from our commitments. That’s how it is for me right now. I hope one day a new opportunity opens up but I haven’t found it yet.

I am working on trying to just “give up” my need to control my stressful work situation. I hate to even use the words “give up” because it’s not in my nature to “give up.” But I think that whether I stay at my current job or find something else, I will never find peace if I don’t accept that I can’t control the chaos at work. What if I did find another job that seemed great and then chaos blows up again one day? We all bring our personalities to work. Not everybody’s personality meshes well and some personalities are just downright toxic. We will never escape the toxic people. If I do ever have the joy of finding a lovely new job... I hope I have worked through my own issues enough that I can handle things a bit better. My main issues are boundary setting and communication.

So I’m trying to visualize myself throwing my hands up in the air. As I run through the halls to escape other people’s work piling on top of me I’m going to just throw my hands up in the air. 🤪

I hope you’re able to relax enough to enjoy your day a little. Snuggle and hug your pets and loved ones and have faith in yourself that you will tackle the work stuff when you get back to the office. I have faith in you. ❤️

HUGS to you @LilyMop.

I know exactly what you mean. I have been trying to do the same. I mean, toxic people and toxic bosses exist in practically every workplace. I have to learn how to accept and deal with them. I can't just up and leave my job simply because there's someone who is toxic to my mental health. I feel I have to learn how to deal with them better, for my own sanity. They're going to exist wherever I go... that won't change, but I can change how I react to them and how I deal with them.

Someone informed me of a concept once I really liked. It is called "radical acceptance". They used the term to help me accept what was truly unacceptable to me once years ago -- a life situation had turned my whole world upside down, which could not have been helped, and which was completely out of my hands to control. She said I needed to practice "radical acceptance" of my life circumstances. It stuck with me all these years.

And so similar to you and to what you're saying, I feel I have to radically accept a work environment that is less than ideal to me. I am very idealistic by nature, and I think that hurts me in the end in many ways... with people, in my relationships and at work. I can also be very black and white in my thinking when it comes to right and wrong.... I am stubborn and adamant about my ideal vision of how things "should be". But all that does? It only makes me unhappier.

If I can accept that my workplace has its faults, its problems and issues, but that it IS serving a purpose for me, whether that be improved skills, an improved resume, improved coping skills, improved management skills, improved boundaries or even just a regular paycheck that pays rent and the bills, well, its serving a purpose.

I need to come off my idealistic visions of all that "should be" and accept what is.

So I've been thinking the same things as you... and you're right. Chaos will exist in yet another work environment..... the only thing we truly CAN truly control is ourselves and our own reactions to what happens to us. We cannot control anyone else or a company's work culture. Unless of course we are the CEO, HR or executive upper management.

I thank you for your post and for this reminder.... I am so glad you wrote what you did. It solidifies for me exactly what I need to change within myself, and within my thought process.

I do feel better today, thank God.

I hope you are feeling well today yourself! Hugs and love to you!

[EagleTears]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Thank you, but I can’t. I can’t get out of bed. It’s really effecting my mental health badly. It’s so toxic in so many ways. I think it caught up to me. All I want is sleep and to disappear right now until the holidays are over.

I'm feeling the same exact way...


It's hard to enjoy the holidays when you have no family (That is willing to communicate with you) to spend it with... No boyfriend/husband to enjoy it...


I'm just drowning myself into playing video games most of the day to forget what I don't have.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by EagleTears

I'm feeling the same exact way...


It's hard to enjoy the holidays when you have no family (That is willing to communicate with you) to spend it with... No boyfriend/husband to enjoy it...


I'm just drowning myself into playing video games most of the day to forget what I don't have.

I’m so sorry... it’s good to keep busy like that. I hope you’ll be ok. Sending big hugs.

[Have Hope]

I'm definitely struggling. I am struggling with myself and my own thoughts and emotions that swirl around.

I am trying to compartmentalize so I don't get overwhelmed again, but that's really hard for me. I am trying to take life one day at a time.... that helps. What's ahead today and only focus on TODAY.

My biggest struggle right now is with my idealistic thinking. I am idealistic about just about everything, and I have a strong sense of right and wrong. And when I see "wrong" things, unjust things, I get very unsettled and depressed even, especially when the injustice falls upon me.

I have a solution for one of work problems where I am being taken advantage of..... I am also praying my CEO changes my boss's role so that I no longer have to work underneath him.... I don't know if that will happen... I know my boss and the CEO have held several conversations. My boss has been looking very glum lately, so something is definitely up, I can tell.

I feel like work is this very strange battleground, where the battle is secretly being played and not outwardly. Like people pretend to be your best friend, but underneath the surface, they're backstabbing you and are battling you to come out ahead and to come out the winner.

Is work in fact, a battlefield? Is this the realization I am coming to???? These are the thoughts that are swirling around, disturbing me. I am old enough to know what the working world is truly like. I've been around the block for a while, and I've worked in many different work environments. But they all feel eerily the same: like a battlefield.

So lately I feel when I wake up that I have to put on my mental suit of armor to shield and protect myself on the battlefield. It's utterly exhausting.

Much of this is stemming from my toxic boss. I know he feels threatened by me. It's obvious. And I don't know how to handle it best. I boost his ego when needed and without being a kissup, and I am a good team player. I ask him for his input and guidance as needed, and I treat him respectfully. I don't know what else to do. He acts like my best bud on the surface, laughing and joking with me, but I know for a fact that he is backstabbing me at the same time. Two other colleagues who left the company told me directly that he is known for throwing people under the bus in order to look good himself. Which is what he does to me. And I know he's doing this to me: I have witnessed it firsthand.

So I am prepping mentally for the work day, putting on my invisible shield of armor.

How am I coping? I am trying to take the advice I've heard for so long: one day at a time, one step at a time. Take baby steps even, and focus only on the here and now, not on the whole picture.

I guess I feel deeply unhappy, underneath it all. That's what I am getting to. The battle, the toxicity, it's all weighing on me. I have to stand up for myself and watch my back at all times. I come home from work and all I want to do is lie down, close my eyes and sleep.

This is no life. I have to make a change. But how can I change who I fundamentally am? I am idealistic and I see things in terms of how it COULD BE: the potential for improvement and all good things. How do I even begin to change that way of thinking? How do I bring myself down to reality? And be more more realistic?

Reality depresses me. Most people suck, many work environments are toxic. Many of those who are in leadership are inept and shouldn't be. All I see is how things SHOULD BE, and not how THEY ARE.

[continuosly blue]

Being idealistic is what will tear you down. You think you know how the world should be ? I felt that way since I was a child. I had to grow up and realze that " it is what it is ". How you percieve and react to the world is how the world will be. This , I think , is much more about YOU than your job. Life is not fair and it took me a very long time to realize I had no choice but to learn how to deal with reality.

[Have Hope]

That sounded a bit harsh to me, but I do see your point.

On the flip side, how are great leaders made? By seeing a vision of how things "should be", by carrying that vision through and by making changes all for the better.

I see how things could be improved in my workplace. My CEO talked to me about leadership. I feel I would be a great leader for my group and for my dept. So, on the opposite end, things that need improvement, that are broken and which make one unhappy can in fact motivate and propel someone to take on a leadership role and to make much needed changes and improvements. Just to play devil's advocate on this one.

But I hear you. I know my idealistic thinking can be harmful to me at times. I want to find balance between seeing a vision for improvement, while also being accepting of realities.