Sudden Memory Loss

Hi. So I have this issue going on for some years now, where my mind goes blank and I just can't seem to tell anyone about how I feel and how I think. I just suddenly forget what I wanted to say but I know deep down that it's not fair. Then one day everything blurts out I get really furious, really really furious. But then another day I'm not able to express myself again, and I got really frustrated. Usually, when I'm in a stressful situation where somebody is blaming me, it triggers my suicidal thoughts because of my own hatred of not able to say what I wanted to say.
It only happens when I feel cornered, whether it's in a serious or playful situation. I usually end up feeling guilty to others because of this.

I'm guessing maybe because in the past my sister used to make me listen to her cries and stress every single day for hours but I was given no chance to express to her what I felt. If I told my mom, she'd threaten me by saying she'd kill herself in front of us.

Does that contribute to anything? I have no idea how to handle this.

Holy carp, that's awful. Sounds like you did nothing wrong, so try to keep that in mind whenever you're stressed out. Other people's problems are not your fault.

I used to have a kid brother that blamed me for whatever whenever he felt like it. My mother believed him, so I got into trouble a lot. Awful kid, but he grew-up all-right. Wouldn't want to be in that situation again though, and yours sounds way worse. But it's not your fault! Whatever they do, whatever they make you do, it's not because it's all your mistake. It's not. And you can survive this. Even while living with your parents. Remember, you won't have to do that forever.


It's not your fault. You can survive this. It will get better. Stay strong, and vent here whenever you have to.

Can you write down how you feel? I feel like that would be useful for You. It may even improve your Memory. Give it a try! Do you have a Therapist to whom you can share ALL of your struggles? That may be an Idea. It is useful to have someone to vent to and who will listen to us, but unfortunately Friends and Family aren't always the best option for a variety of reasons. Of course, you can laso talk to ALL of us here. In any case, I am so sorry that you're going through ALL of this! I'd suggest to talk it out to your Friends and Family if you can. At the very least they won't be too surprised when you get angry and hopefully they'll be able to understand what you mean and to help you when you need it. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Chocopiano27, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

thankyou, thankyou for telling me it's not my fault. i've been really hard on myself, i blame everything because of myself and my past. i can't seem to defend myself in any blame because i know i always have faults... but sometimes it's just too much. sometimes it's just not fair

I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps your parents should have look for help for your sistee. Have you thought about going to therapy when you feel corner? Everyone at some point forget what they are talking about sometimes.

Have you suffered any trauma?

Different types of seizures, like complex partial or absence (pronounced ab-saunse) seizures, can actually do something a little bit like this. Not all seizures are like the jerking, kicking type you may have seen before.

Your mother threatened suicide in front of you/her kids----that is Traumatic in itself, how could you express yourself if the cost threatened to be catastrophic? I suspect there were many other emotionally/otherwise traumatic, even abusive, experiences in your life.

actually, my sister was the one who threatened suicide. it's when I tell my mom about her condition that she'll do so, so i have to keep quiet every day listening to her for hours. very exhausting and i didn't know what to do. even until now, being in a situations where i feel like i'm trapped is really deteriorating, and then suddenly i just forget about what i wanted to say. if i push myself to say something i get really furious and emotional and i feel guilty to other people because of my sudden inappropriate anger.

i usually avoid everyone when i'm like this and would isolate myself inside my room / call someone who i can really trust though

what, really?.. seizures?.. I didn't know about it until you say soo

I guess I did feel trapped and low, unable to say or express anything in my childhood years because of my suicidal sister, very sarcastic dominant aunt (who was there every day), and I was bullied by my classmate, she took all my money once a week?

But i feel like i'm fine now about those stuff though, i just hate it when i'm unable to defend myself / suddenly forget about things i actually wanted to express

I actually went to two psychologist before, 6 years and a year ago. They said i was really angry but then they didn't know what to do with me anymore.. things got better though, my mood are mostly stabile now, but yeah when a sudden feeling of being trapped comes, my mood suddenly goes really low and i cried for hours and isolate myself. i guess that became a habit?

I'm planning to see a psychiatrist for medicine though, i guess i need one now