Shame

My husband was the treasurer for an organization and when we needed money he borrowed from the fund. I found out and didn’t stop him because I didn’t see any other way to get the money we needed. The money was used to buy a smaller more affordable house and as soon as our current home sold the full amount was put back in the account. The issue is the shame and depression I feel for our actions. I’ve always acted in truthful authentic ways and this feels so out of character and not how I view myself. I guess I’m looking for forgiveness for my actions and to find a way to move on without obsessing about my actions and these debilitating shameful feelings.

it's hard for some to feel forgiveness because you stole cash from the organization. you removed it without permission. he took it and then you approved it. how long was the cash gone before it was payment was made? does the organization know? I would think that true forgiveness would not or could not begin until true honesty begins.

it is good you acknowledge your wrongdoings. here in an anonymous forum, does the organization know? I would think that whatever level of trust they had in you would be pretty diminished. hope that they do not file criminal charges on you.

I guess I’m looking for forgiveness for my actions and to find a way to move on without obsessing about my actions and these debilitating shameful feelings.

you and your husband have some deep thinking to do regarding your actions. seriously.

Sometimes we need to apologise for our actions to help us feel better. You mention that your husband was the treasurer? How would he feel about fessing up? Do you think that the organisation is likely to press charges or not?
Tis a sticky situation.
Most of all the thing is now to not continue to do it so that you can be at peace with the world.

Hello Yiaaaou: Thank you for bringing your concern here on PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central. The Coping with Emotions forum, here on PC, may be one to take a look at. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

And then here's a link to a listing of articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of guilt & shame that (hopefully) may be of help along with links to 2 additional articles not in the listing:

Coping with Guilt | Psych Central

Stop Beating Yourself Up: 8 Tips to Overcoming Remorse

How Do You Forgive Yourself?

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

People have done much worse things. You did return the money. Hopefully you've learned that the stress probably wasn't worth the action. I say let it go and forgive yourself. Move on.

The only way to heal shame is to make amends and be honest. It doesnt matter that the money was paid back, it is still technically theft.

Yes the new treasurer knows and we have apologized. It was actually a partnership in a vacation home. The money (full amount) was paid back about 4 months after it was removed. Yes, I know it was theft and that we could be reported to authorities. The new treasurer has said she doesn’t plan to do that. I don’t know what else to do. We have since sold our share in the vacation home. We also live across the country. The problem is the ongoing feelings of guilt, shame, depression and coping with these feelings.

You made a poor decision. People go to prison all the time for this kind of thing, so you two are quite fortunate. That said, we all do dumb things. Learn from it and move on.

Shame really sucks
especially if we are ''innocent''

ETA I didn't read the full thread, I am sorry.

If you have made a serious mistake, I agree with the above, learn from it. and hopefully ''do better in the future''... I send best wishes.

respect to you

a vacation home. really.

may the other party never change their mind.

I wish you good sleep, I wish you better decisions, and I do hope that others show you compassion in a way that you didn't exhibit in the past.

Then time to let it go. You fessed up and no action was taken. You were pardoned. Time to pardon yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by possum220 Then time to let it go. You fessed up and no action was taken. You were pardoned. Time to pardon yourself.

I agree.

Did you repay it back?