[Aviza]

He doesn't believe or respect my job. He doesn't believe in Chiropractic care and I'm an assistant to a chiropractor. He of course disagrees with my numerous divorces. Frankly I'm surprised he even talks to me and I said that.

I talked about seeing a psychic he really doesn't agree with that thinks they're all frauds who take your money. Just anything I talk about he dismisses or disagrees with.

He has said he doesn't like anybody and just pretends. I know its true now. He really doesn't like me. But I'm family. He even helps me. But I'm taken back a bit. Not sure what to do now that i know the truth.

[Christmas cookie]

I'm sorry this happened . You mentioned your brother doesn't like anyone and dismissed, disagrees with everything you say. Is it possible he is depressed or unhappy with his Life?ts not an excuse to treat you badly. . Do you think speaking to him and telllng him how you feel would help?

[Aviza]

Well I talked about how I'm in therapy and he said he needed it.

My brother is the same. The thing is objectively I have succeeded far more than him. I think honestly he is like this because he knows everything he says is true and he has to do it to make himself feel better.

[LilyMop]

When I learn that someone is judging all my opinions or choices then I don’t tell them anything anymore. I’ve experienced this quite a bit and I generally don’t share much at all with most people anymore. My husband and my therapist get bombarded with my thoughts and opinions because I’m not comfortable sharing with other people. Maybe there’s a balance but I haven’t found it yet.

[unaluna]

So how does it go, exactly? All these perfectly wonderful brothers all have crap for sisters? My brother belongs to this club too. These boys all have very short mem- ories, if you ask me! And they are not gentlemen.

Originally Posted by unaluna

So how does it go, exactly? All these perfectly wonderful brothers all have crap for sisters? My brother belongs to this club too. These boys all have very short mem- ories, if you ask me! And they are not gentlemen.

I feel like there was a culture shift that was tremendously harmful. Perhaps in the 80s it became cool to treat your sister badly. I know people probably don't watch family guy but the character of "Meg" is always treated horribly. Perhaps it is a reaction to feminism but from the time I was about 12 my brother was horrible to me. But truly I don't think he ever really liked me. You can see the photos we took as kids and it looks like I have cooties whenever he is made to take a photo with me.

There was a time recently I thought he had changed but... I think he though I was going to get married and have kids for his kid to play with ... and I didn't so now he has no use for me.

I feel like I was willing to put up with it until this year... but I don't know why I am not putting up with it. I think it is because my brother was hinting he was going to come live with me and divorce his wife and I made it clear that he wasn't coming to live with me and I haven't heard from him since.

Fine, either I have a brother or I don't but I am done being jerked around.

[divine1966]

I don’t think it’s always the case with brothers being this way with sisters. Maybe as kids and teenagers brothers could be tough, not as adults. My brother is nice to me and I am to him BUT my husband’s sister is either openly hostile or dismissive towards my husband. So sisters could be nasty to their brothers too. I see a lot of families where siblings are either not close or hostile towards each other in adulthood. It saddens me

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t think it’s always the case with brothers being this way with sisters. Maybe as kids and teenagers brothers could be tough, not as adults. My brother is nice to me and I am to him BUT my husband’s sister is either openly hostile or dismissive towards my husband. So sisters could be nasty to their brothers too. I see a lot of families where siblings are either not close or hostile towards each other in adulthood. It saddens me

Be sure that the guy isn't lying. My brother always tries to tell people it is "me" that is the problem and lies like a rug to peoples so he can be the "hurt party" ... I never had a chance with my SIL because he had told her so many lies about me before we ever met she has no idea who I am. (he also told lies about the entire family which ended up biting him in the butt when SIL wouldn't do anything with his family).

[unaluna]

Emily, about the same situation with me. My brother has actively been a negative influence on my life since i was born, not kidding. My SIL passed - six months ago. I only found out because i called him to tell him about a cousin's passing, against my better judgment, because i felt badly for that cousin's family. I felt like a fool. But better to know the truth.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Be sure that the guy isn't lying. My brother always tries to tell people it is "me" that is the problem and lies like a rug to peoples so he can be the "hurt party" ... I never had a chance with my SIL because he had told her so many lies about me before we ever met she has no idea who I am. (he also told lies about the entire family which ended up biting him in the butt when SIL wouldn't do anything with his family).

Lying about what? My sister in law is *****y with everyone who don’t stand up to her. She is just a *****y person. My husband is very laid back and tend to be a pushover. It’s not something he says to anyone. He never speaks poorly about his sister. He tends to put up with stuff. It’s what all of us observe, not what he says. She is also embarrassed of his Tourette’s. It’s quite visible

I am sorry your brother is a liar and a jerk. My husband isn’t. I’d not be married to a liar and a jerk

Here is something else I was thinking about.. it seems like my brother really wants to have to come "save me" and I have never given him that opportunity. I am definitely independent and if my arm was sticking sideways out of my body i wouldn't give him that opportunity. He doesn't like that. He wants to be my "savior" and because I won't give him that, he dislikes me. My cousins are really messed up people but because they always say how great he is he would prefer to spend time with them because they stroke his ego.

I often look at the boards and think maybe people who are mentally ill are that way because of a dysfunctional family. I know a lot of people who have families that are proud to say -- out loud - they love their family and want to do everything with them. But mine is not like that and really messed up.

[unaluna]

Yeah my brother once said something was wrong with me because i didnt want a man to be the boss of me. Re emilys brother wanting to save her. My brother wants me to bow to him too. Not gonna happen.

[hobbypoet]

Honestly, I just would avoid conversations about...all of those things with him. There's nothing wrong with your career, what you believe in or what you choose. And if someone is going to be constantly negative to you about who you are, then, maybe it's time to set a boundary and let him know he can have a different opinion but he doesn't need to put you down or be negative toward you for those things.

Originally Posted by Aviza

He doesn't believe or respect my job. He doesn't believe in Chiropractic care and I'm an assistant to a chiropractor. He of course disagrees with my numerous divorces. Frankly I'm surprised he even talks to me and I said that.

I talked about seeing a psychic he really doesn't agree with that thinks they're all frauds who take your money. Just anything I talk about he dismisses or disagrees with.

He has said he doesn't like anybody and just pretends. I know its true now. He really doesn't like me. But I'm family. He even helps me. But I'm taken back a bit. Not sure what to do now that i know the truth.

It sounds like you do what I do -- which is futile so it will never work. You continue to reach out and try to emotionally connect with someone who isn't interested in reciprocating your emotional connection. And, they show their disdain by treating you poorly.

Both of my siblings do this. My sister won't even let me walk her dog anymore. When she found out that my nephew let me walk their dog she went ballistic. This dog and I are very close and for 9 years of that dog's life, I always took the do g to the dog park, or in my car and never had any problems with controlling the dog in public.

So, my sister is using her dog as a way to control me. She is projecting her disdain for me on to her poor dog as a way to justify to her children that their aunt is unreliable and a total loser.

What you have to learn to do -- which doesn't happen overnight but YOU have to be the one to do it -- is STOP TRYING TO EMOTIONALLY CONNECT with your brother. He doesn't like you. There is nothing you can do to change that. So, just stop. I know that's probably not what you want to hear.

At some point, you need to have some dignity and draw the line and stop being vulnerable around your brother because you know he'll just put you down for it.

We cannot control the way others treat us. That's statistically impossible to do. The only person you have control over, is yourself. So, only you can decide, when enough is enough, with how your brother poorly treats you. You can't force him to be nice to you. But you can ignore him. You can stop visiting with him. You can cease contact with him. To protect yourself emotionally.

[bpforever1]

My brother does not like me either. He has always tried to hurt me in some way. Now, he won't talk to me because I am free and independent. He used to grind an ax into my side by putting me down and making fun of my illness. He is not doing well himself. He is a loser in my book. He mooches off my family and has no real job. He was a professional student but used none of his degrees to get a job. He is a jerk on top of this to everybody. I think he is a sociopath. It is sad but he is my brother. But, someone told me to forget about him and live my life. So, I am. You can't choose your family members, but you can choose your friends.

Originally Posted by bpforever1

My brother does not like me either. He has always tried to hurt me in some way. Now, he won't talk to me because I am free and independent. He used to grind an ax into my side by putting me down and making fun of my illness. He is not doing well himself. He is a loser in my book. He mooches off my family and has no real job. He was a professional student but used none of his degrees to get a job. He is a jerk on top of this to everybody. I think he is a sociopath. It is sad but he is my brother. But, someone told me to forget about him and live my life. So, I am. You can't choose your family members, but you can choose your friends.

Yikes this is an exact description of my brother. Super Toxic.

I am happy to never see him again the problem is that he is the type that will just show up one day at my front door and gossip to the family about anything I do. I plan on retiring when I am 60 and moving elsewhere, in part, to avoid him just doing a drop by.

[sarahsweets]

If someone's sibling is nasty to them or openly hostile with terrible treatment of them, cut them off. We do not have to take that from anyone-ANYONE. It doesnt matter if they are family or not. Only you can take care of you. If your brother or sister has failed you over and over again you do not have to take it and you can let them go. Once we see that our expectations are not met we have to change the expectations.

[poshgirl]

In response to your thread title, me too!

Just come back from family meeting at mother's house. It resolved nothing because of my brother's arrogant attitude towards me. Interspersed with raising his voice, talking over me then he smirking most of the time and telling me to get my head from up my backside.

The cause of the rift is well documented under "my sister-in-law lashed out at me" in the Relationships & Communication section, including the latest lengthy update.

Over the past few weeks, have felt closer to my mother but sadly we're back to square one. Pretty obvious from her attitude that he's her favourite and he knows it too. Everything I said this morning was true, yet his belittling attitude was a sorry thing to experience. He was speechless when I told him a few home truths . What shocked me was his failure to see that his wife lashing out at me was domestic abuse.

As a result, we're in exactly the same position a year on from the incident. Realise there's absolutely no hope now of ever solving this problem. He's always wanted to be in charge from when he was younger. Now he can no longer behave that way in his own home, then that could be the reason for this latest problem. Know it's cruel to say this but don't want anything to do with them ever again. Why do we keep coming back for more, instead of distancing ourselves....