Feeling disconnected

Today I am feeling this emotion of disconnect.

I live with family, I am not alone. I work outside the home and see colleagues/the public every day.

In lockdown because I live with a vulnerable person we lived life to the guidance, when things opened up we were very cautious. We do go out but not like before - nothing is like before.

I have seen 3 friends socially since it was possible (over 3 months). Both my volunteer jobs stopped. I don't like video calls so never did that.

I feel disconnected and strange and sometimes I can distract with a book or drawing but sometimes I feel this leaden sadness inside.

How do you cope with this feeling?

Leaden sadness is such a deep aching pain. I'm not sure I have any advice on coping with that. I started seeing my current therapist as I was struggling with a feeling that I couldn't place. I came to understand that it is loneliness and is partly to do with lockdown, but it has eased with further introspection...and has also brought up some old resentments that I had buried.
I find exercise cathartic, and talking when I can get it out...when I know what it's about. If it's amorphous then I feel I need to give it some form. Do you know where it comes from and where/how/if you'd like it to go? Does your drawing give it form?

That is interesting what you say about amorphous and giving it form. I never thought of it like that.

It is possibly amorphous. It is like a pervasive leaden feeling.

My drawing is pretty much a distraction. I don't give form to my feelings with it. In this way it is not really art. I am drawn to beauty in my drawing.

I do exercise too and that helps. I do long distance running and sometimes push myself too hard.

I can certainly relate to feeling a disconnect, loneliness, etc. Especially during this time.

Notice and see if it wanes and waxes. Is there a better / worse time for u?

I've been so busy lately, that I haven't had time to feel disconnected. Maybe distraction and busyness is the answer.



Edit: also wanted to say, for me, the feeling isn't stagnant. It is there sometimes. Other times not. Is it like that for you too?

Yes definitely, it comes and goes, it goes with work - I have the week off next week and looking forward to rest and no early starts but think also wary I will feel things more.

It comes more when I am indoors at home and also dreading winter this year because of that

Thanks ♥️

I wonder if journaling about the feeling would be helpful.

You mentioned pushing yourself too hard in running. How might that (if at all) connect to the feeling?

Thanks Bill. I have read that a lot of people journal but I never have. A bit embarrassed to admit I'm not sure how to. At least not in a successful way. I suppose I'm wary my negative thoughts will take over.

The running. It's a funny one. I like it and it can help with my mood but sometimes I feel like I pressure myself. I'm not sure if it can even adversely affect my mood sometimes. Like I exhaust myself. I know over all it is good for my health however and it can make me feel really good.

I considered going to a social event this weekend (the first in a long time) but infection rates are rising again in this area and so I felt I shouldn't.

On the up side I got a new book from the library. I am not joking. Reading is one of my coping mechanisms.

Could you say more of what you mean by negative thoughts (possibly) taking over if you were to journal?

Discombobulated, I remember in another thread where you were saying that you had stockpiled cleaning supplies because of COVID. I find myself wanting to stockpile canned foods, and make sure I have everything I need (band aides, vitamins, soap) in case there is a worldwide food shortage, economic depression, etc. COVID really has disrupted business, governments, etc. I hope you don't mind me saying that we both suffer from anxiety and anxiety can cause a person to look at all kinds of possible crisis (you are ready to keep things clean and I have seen studies that say if you get exposed to a lower amount of COVID germs you will have a less severe case than when you are exposed to many COVID germs--the vitamins I bought had to do with COVID too--Vitamin D, C, and the mineral zinc). Some anxiety makes us prepared but too much wears our emotions to a frazzle.

Anyways, I wonder if all the anxiety COVID caused pushed you into this disconnection (ie a sort of depression from being exhausted from worry and just needing to rest). I suppose that my favorite spiritual book is helping me because it keeps me away from news and prepper videos. My husband has been gardening (vegtables) intensively since COVID started--another way to prep for disaster!

I feel it's possible it may lead me to further introspection and dwelling on these negative thoughts I have. Idk I may be wrong. I have read some people journal, I am not sure how they do it and manage not to dwell on negative thoughts.

Thanks! The gardening sounds like a good plan, and a positive thing to do.

Yes I can identify with keeping away from news. I try to but I fail often.

Yes I think I am a bit frazzled, maybe less than at the peak, but yes.

At the beginning it was all about fear of infection and keeping clean, safe, house stocked like you say. But for me it changed over the summer, we got mask wearing made mandatory which was a big relief to me working in a store. I felt safer, or rather I knew what to do to keep safe. The trouble is it has isolated me from people/friends/activities. So we are safe but isolated.

This week coming I have time off work and plans to see a few people, many of whom I haven't seen in a long time. Just making plans makes me feel better - I will be seeing them separately btw so no big party, and we'll keep distance.

I think the journaling is more about getting it off your mind so you can let the feelings go, at least a bit? I don’t think it’s going to work for everyone, nothing else does lol, but that’s the idea behind it. Catharcism. It’s the same as writing letters you never intend to send to whoever you’re writing to.
I know if I’m angry when I write my diary, I allow myself to feel it while I’m writing, so the writing itself is my emotional release. When I stop writing I feel more able to let the feeling go, because I’ve processed it, at least to a degree.

I can relate to this. I journal and I find there's a time and place for it because sometimes I do get stuck wallowing. For me, I'm experimenting to see how not to wallow while journaling, and so far that means being mindful and noticing when getting stuck / wallowing happens, and also I'm playing with the idea of writing to another person in my journal, as it helps me when I talk to others usually.


I think that what works for some, doesn't work for others. Do it if you want to and feel drawn to it / driven to.

Edit: one journaling exercise you may like. Its a T-chart. On one side put "negative" or draw a rain cloud or something. On the other side, put "positive" or draw some sunshine or a rainbow or something. Under negative, write whats going on with you and why you feel bad. Under positive, counter those thoughts, write other explanations, other positive ways to looks at it, ways to deal with it, be kind to yourself as you would be with a friend. Its a good exercise in thinking more optimistically and making oneself feel better.

Thank you this is really helpful. I will try this!

This is interesting thanks.

I just wanted to share that today I did a running event (socially distanced) that I trained for. I was nervous and worried about it (would it be crowded/would I be able to complete) but it turned out to be the best day I had in a long time. At a distance I saw so many people I hadn't seen in a long time - it was like normal life.

The disconnected feeling isn't here today. It's wonderful.

I can relate to feeling disconnected and lonely. Even on here I have to skip some posts (triggers) I need to work on several things.

I'm glad you had a great day today! I went out for a walk the other day and part of it was like a normal day, it was a beautiful day! I felt less disconnected and sad part of that day (although the benzos probably helped)

I can relate to keeping away from news........

Glad you enjoyed your walk and felt less disconnected. I think just being around people is helpful. I am learning I don't need deep conversations to feel connected.

I wonder if being in nature is helpful too? I think it may help me in a way I can't fully understand. Connection to nature.

I'm glad that your running event turned out so well for you. I can relate to feeling lonely and disconnected. If I can read enough inspirational material, then I feel better. I would love to get out more in nature, but physically that is difficult for me. I'm sure if I was able, I would feel so much better. I long for human interactions. With this pandemic, it's impossible now. And Zoom meetings just make me nervous. I'm sending good thoughts your way. I hope you keep having good days.

Thanks Deilla - maybe using YouTube to watch videos/listen to sounds of nature may be helpful to those who can't get out, my husband did this during worst of lockdown. It's not the same I know.

I dislike Zoom calls too, and they actually made me feel more disconnected somehow. I am not sure why.

Since I last posted our locality is under enhanced restrictions so now we are back to no meeting with anyone outside of household. I think this is going to be really challenging.

Okay so several things have happened since I last posted with restrictions and we are still under enhanced restrictions. We can meet outdoors but in practice I haven't done much of that and feel quite isolated.

Christmas feels triggering too. I wanted to see some friends outdoors (it is allowed) but they don't seem keen. I know I need to get things into perspective but I am not finding it easy. I miss my old life so much.

Definitely can relate to this @Discombulated, the increased rate of cases recently with more restrictions is not easy to deal with. This weekend I’m staying busy with getting outside as much as I can with walking my dog and doing yard work. Did binge watch a few reality shows and getting outside really helps me feel more normal despite that life is really not normal now.

I'm also feeling more disconnected from friends @Discombobulated . I think we are all processing this differently. I was seeing a lot of one friend. She is living with a boyfriend and her flatmate has moved out recently. We would normally hug hello/goodbye, but have kept some physical distance since March. She got a little upset saying bye last time we caught up, we just talked about what we would do soon and that cheered things up, but I guess she is really missing hugs from friends since her flatmate moved out. I probably would have hugged her if I had realised at the time (neither of us are high risk, in contact with anyone high risk, or in close contact jobs).
Getting outside is important for me also, and it feels more normal since restrictions were loosened last week...I don't want to get used to keeping so much distance with friends...it's very hard to negotiate and to accept all these changes!
It's really hard to believe how much has changed since last Christmas...I'm hoping next Christmas is merrier and a bit more relaxed and carefree.

I guess you could find other ways to communication with your folks and friends. I text my brothers and sister and email them. My sister calls me from time to time. This season will pass, as all things do. Remain strong and create a good rapor with that vulnerable person, you live with.