How are you coping today? #4

It's been a super busy exhausting day. I have onboarding to do with my new job tomorrow. In the mood for quiet alone time/downtime. I'm trying to figure out how to address my parents about the exchange students. And...just have a lot on my mind. A lot of it is good, but a lot. I did buy a new journal today. I finally bought new PJ pants. I had to donate mine before escaping across the country. I wanted new PJ pants since July. Finally bought some and love them. It's such a small, simple thing. But when you lose just about everything you own, you learn to appreciate everything a lot more. Even the small everyday things.

I'm doing well. I wrote my lay summary and sent it in for review. I am not expecting much from the other students since some of them are too nice. I sent it in just to see what would happen. But, I did send it to the author of the paper I wrote the lay summary about and hope he edits it if he has the time. I feel ok overall.

I want my mother to visit but she is too old. I don't know what I'm going to do if she can't visit. I am living all alone here and am worried I might be alone forever. My mother is waiting for my dad to retire but he won't. I don't know what I'm going to do if they never come here. I wanted to see them and have not in over a year and a half now. I'm sad about this. But, I will carry on and do my best.

I'm coping with dizziness by (a) contacting my primary care through the online messaging program they have, in hopes I survive until Monday for a response, (b) taking it easy and moving slower, (c) drinking water to curb my dry mouth.

I'm coping with anxiety by using the forum to process some stuff, to play games and distract, and to help others when I have the energy to do so with responses.

I'm also coping with anxiety by self-caring, going through my safety list, and using internal family systems therapy to talk internally with different parts, so that I'm not too dissociative.

I'm coping with major changes in my lifestyle by taking it one small step at a time and emailing my T about those things.

I'm coping with chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic encephalomyelitis by resting, silencing my cell phone, spacing the time when I do house chores or make meals, processing my concerns with a separate group/forum specifically for CFS/ME, and adding to my reading literature on some progress being made for treating CFS/ME like a true biological disorder (whether it be neurological or physiological or both). I'm also asserting my needs and concerns with my VA treatment team, including my primary care physician.

I'm coping with the shock of stressful and bad news by putting those things on temporary hold while I deal with only one thing at a time, and when I am able to speak with one of my treatment providers next to discuss those things.

I'm coping with loneliness by trying to find compensatory relationships online or by phone.

I went to bed early and woke up early. I was dissociating for a while. I used grounding techniques to come out of it. I'm lonely now but I really need to go back to bed. I'm afraid I'll dissociate again.

I think I'm coping pretty good so far today, considering this & that.

Frustrated and feeling like I will have a complete meltdown because nothing is going right today. I'm going to crawl back into bed and cry. I just wish people in this house would be more considerate and quiet! I really need to leave this place. Like. I need my own place where I don't have to put up with constant noise.

I woke up feeling really depressed and bad today. I took a hot shower, went for two walks, made a latta and watch a movie hoping that I would feel better.

Sometime people just feel overwhelmed. It is good to laugh at yourself.

Very very badly. And if any medical or mental health provider knew what had been up today I’d be gone for sure. Things seem to be calmer now though.

I'm listening to YouTube videos on Dissociation. I'm using my 5 senses and I posting here. I asked my mom to call me. I may go to bed soon. I took all my meds.

I am feeling much happier now that I was able to clean. I realize I struggle with flexibility when it comes to living with other people. I need to research how to handle this better. All I wanted to do today was the to-do list I wrote last night that set up my plans for the day, which were ruined by other people. I am in a better frame of mind now that I was able to do what I planned. I don’t know why this upsets me so much but it does.

They don’t understand that before I moved back here, I lived in a disgusting unsanitary slum infested with cockroaches, with roommates that never cleaned. Their animals used the apartment like a toilet. I was the only one who cleaned, and I worked 8-9 hour shifts almost every day. While living there I developed a throat condition, I also have an autoimmune disease so having a clean and sanitary environment is necessary for me. So yes, I’m a little obsessive about cleaning for a lot of reasons. It distresses me to live in an unclean or cluttered environment. Ever since coming home, I noticed I’m laser-focused on cleanliness and uncluttered surroundings. I personally, never want to experience that again.

I made a list.
I updated my spreadsheet regarding my budget and balance of the books.
I listened to some songs that were shared in a different thread.
I messaged my primary care doctor back today.
I emailed my therapist.
I paced myself while doing laundry, dishes, bathroom cleaning, and trash sorting.
I brushed my teeth, flossed, rinsed, and washed my face.
I finally cleaned my glasses.
I organized my bedroom closet a little.
I rested intermittently.
I told myself that all I can do is the best I can do, and that it's okay to rest.
I told myself that the pain, fatigue, and dizziness/vertigo I feel can be managed, as can all of my physical disabilities.
I allowed myself to feel negative emotions, and I validated my feelings when I've read stories about others who feel similarly.

Smiling. Super proud of you! Look at this! Way to go!

My disease causes chronic pain and fatigue. Some days, some weeks, some months are worse than others. I sincerely understand where you are coming from. So many days I pushed myself through the fatigue to clean, or walk and do stuff. Be very, very proud of yourself.

Thank you! I'm sorry that you struggle with pain and fatigue, too. I totally agree with your reply! Thanks so much for acknowledging that. It is super duper hard for us to do just basic things that most people can do without even batting an eye.

I needed that today! I actually had a lot of help on this site today - from various people and threads. It was a pretty good day!

Here's to both of us doing the best we can with our limitations!

It took two jobs, one where I almost ended up in the hospital, to realize my disease, despite my radioactive treatment, does affect me still. And I do have limitations I didn't have in the past. It's frustrating. I get told, "You keep quitting jobs, don't you care about your future? You don't have a retirement plan!" And I'm like well, I don't know what to tell you if a job causes me to nearly be hospitalized then I'm not doing it. My health is so much more important. The flare-ups can be so severe and debilitating. The last time this happened, I couldn't function for an entire week.

What I have learned is to focus on what you can do, not what you can't do. If you have days where it's harder, ask for help if you can. Or do the intermittent breaks (which is what I also do). If there are days you just can't, forgive yourself and self-care. There will be another day. My disease has taught me so much about appreciating things that I used to take for granted. With mine, I nearly was in a wheelchair at one point. It is a lot of suffering, but it really gives you a whole different perspective on what you appreciate, value, and how to empathize with others who suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases. I really started writing poetry again around the time I was diagnosed and I began to write a poetry book. It's filled with poems that I hope will be relatable or teach other people what it's like to go through a serious and severe illness and pursue the road to overcoming it and healing. It's supposed to be a healing book about recovery.

Don't give up, keep going.

I did some mild exercise and watch some movies because of how horrible I really felt about myself today.

I'm trying so hard and feeling a bit anxious and praying for some kind of answer that only God can help me with. I just told God how 'impossible' my problem seems. i'm serious when i say that. Unless you know pretty much everything about something, it can feel like you're lost on a trip never to get home. laughs.

I'm on the verge of wanting to give up trying and feeling kind of mad at it all inside trying so hard to remedy the problem only to get nowhere.

Thank you, cinnamonsun!

Your life sounds like mine, except for the wheelchair part. I am so sorry you struggled that way! But I had to deal with leaving jobs that were way too stressful for me, given my physical disorders and dissociation. I think the pain in the past was worse back then, but I'm dealing with different pains and more fatigue now.

I like your attitude about coping.

Tonight, I was finally able to grab my packages and mail from downstairs (one box weighed about 20 pounds, and I lifted it). I also showered after that. It took a little bit out of me, and I was a little dizzy in the shower, but I made it. I'm now unwinding and getting ready for bed. At least now I don't need to do anything tomorrow.

I think I was able to solve the problem after an hour or two of trying hard to search for some kind of an answer concerning working with technology. Thanks for your support. I was just trying not to get any more upset than I already was. Now I'm a bit tired.

I'm coping with music today. I was able to shower and I will try to walk later.

I am not particularly sad or anything, just feeling lost in this life and world. I'm not sure what I want to do or be, or if I am capable of being anything besides disabled and sick. I don't know. I'm going to listen to my good vibes playlist and hopefully find some happiness in the day.

I was kinda needy today but this was the first day in a week I could get anything done outside the house. I don’t plan on doing much tomorrow since I try to go out only twice a week to get things done. I went into a store I didn’t feel like going into and I saw some people who saw me who I didn’t want to see. But I got something I wanted so I felt like it was worth it. I was in and out fast anyways. I didn’t really get angry much and not at anyone in my house. I guess I did decently.

One task at a time.

I'm thinking like MONK, when they had some garbage strike, and Mr. Monk was dumping one trash bag at a time. Of course, that didn't really help. It also didn't help when he mailed his garbage to his therapist's home. LOL. For some reason, I think of scenarios like that right now, when I consider the donations and deep cleaning I need to do by the end of November.

Doing a bit better, not so depressed, but frustrated. I'm trying to do the onboarding but I need help. I spoke to the supervisor about it and she just seemed annoyed with the fact I need help with the W4 form. To be honest, this entire form confuses me and I don't understand most of it. I messaged her again and explained I am disabled, I am struggling, and need help. That yes, I have done it in the past...with the guidance and help of a new hire personnel in person, never did it on my own. I'm utterly lost. I don't know if it's because of my cognitive impairments or what but I do not understand how to do this. I hope she will be accommodating. This is the only part of the onboarding I have needed assistance with.