[Have Hope]

Last year, my father was diagnosed with a terminal lung disease. There is no cure for this particular disease, and it is progressive, so he will eventually die from it.

He is on medication to slow the progression, but last night he had to go to the ER because he couldn't breathe. He has been on oxygen, but over the last week, he's gotten far worse. He can barely walk because his breathing is so shallow.

Now he is in ER barely able to speak. They found more of the disease in his lungs, which has progressed considerably since his last scan. He got covid about two months ago, and never seemed to recover from it. He's had persistent headaches and his need for oxygen has gotten worse.

I aim to visit him this afternoon or tomorrow, once he has a room in the hospital. Mom is with him now.

But, it looks like he won't be coming home to his own house. He says mom cannot take care of him in this condition. Mom said he may be transferred to a rehab type of facility. I don't know much of those details.

I'm afraid these are the last days I could be seeing my father. It doesn't look good. They are giving him antibiotics and steroids, but since he can barely talk, who knows how long he will actually live.

I am crying as I write this. This is horrible. I love my father dearly, and I cannot imagine life without him in it.

[divine1966]

I am so sorry. It is hard. It’s never easy. Go to the hospital today. Not tomorrow. If they don’t allow people in ER then wait for him to have a room. Or if extra people are allowed in ER then go now. He’ll have the room today though at a later time

Rehab facilities is a good choice when people don’t need to stay in the hospital but are too sick to go home as they need special care

Go there today. Let us know how he is

[Have Hope]

Thanks, divine. Yeah, I will go today. I am in shock that he has gone downhill SO quickly. I knew he wasn't doing well after he got covid, but the last few times I've seen him, I knew it wasn't looking good.

What if he doesn't make it one more night? I would feel horrible if I didn't get to see him. I will definitely go today. Everything else can wait.

[divine1966]

Yes go see him and stay strong for your mom, she needs support right now. I’ll be thinking of you and your family. Hugs.

[Have Hope]

Thanks so much, @divine1966.

Yes, she does need our support. She says we won't know more until he sees the pulmonologist today and we don't know what time that will be.

I've lost many people in my life, far too many, but this is the first parent who has been really sick.

Memories of my childhood are flooding me right now... my father has always been such a healthy, strong and active person. He always appeared invincible to me, though of course, I know he is not. But this? To see him in such a sickly state? It's a shock for certain. I am pacing around my apartment waiting for my mother to call me back.

[Have Hope]

deleted - repeat post.

[Have Hope]

I cannot stop crying.

[divine1966]

One is never ready for this but maybe his prognosis isn’t as drastic? Wait for what the doctors say. I lost my mom in relatively young age, early 70s to cancer. She was always very healthy and active. So I know that there is really nothing comforting one can tell you. Just sending hugs

[Have Hope]

My dad thinks he cannot come home in this state because mom won't be able to take care of him. We do need to wait and hear what the doctor says. But yeah, I can see how one is never truly prepared to lose a parent. My dad is 82 years old. He's lived a good life, but without this disease, he could have lived until well in his 90's. His mother smoked in the home, so it's from second hand smoke that he got this lung disease.

Thanks for the hugs.

[Have Hope]

My father's oxygen drops just by standing up from his bed. It's not looking good. They think he might have a lung infection, but they're not 100% certain. He is being treated with antibiotics. If his breathing does not improve in the next day or so, they will conclude it's not an infection and that it's the progression of his disease. He also has headaches.

He was too tired for us to visit yesterday, so we're headed to the hospital to see him today.

[Have Hope]

I feel very alone with this, even though I am not. I spend the day by myself working and all I can think about is how my father is doing and how my mom is holding up. It's so hard to concentrate on work whatsoever - my mother says to compartmentalize, but that's really hard to do. My work feels very meaningless and silly in comparison to my father's failing health.

He is not doing well. His O2 drops to a scary level even when he sneezes. He cannot come home in this state. Right now, they're seeing how the steroids effect him. It takes 48-72 hours to take effect, and by noon today it will have been 48 hours.

I did see him on Sunday and he spoke very little. His oxygen also drops if he speaks too much so he has to be careful.

I don't know how to get through my work day.

[divine1966]

So sorry. I found it helpful to go to the hospital after work even if short visit. Not being there and agonizing about it at work was hard. I hope they find something to help him

[Have Hope]

Thanks, divine. I will go as much as I can. He gets tired and can't talk much, so having visitors frequently is hard for him.

Apparently there are 4-5 steps they can take to try and help him. The first being the steroids. They gave him this intravenously instead to see if that will help. Next (I think) is surgery to open up his airways.

I cry every day. I pray every day.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Last year, my father was diagnosed with a terminal lung disease. There is no cure for this particular disease, and it is progressive, so he will eventually die from it.

He is on medication to slow the progression, but last night he had to go to the ER because he couldn't breathe. He has been on oxygen, but over the last week, he's gotten far worse. He can barely walk because his breathing is so shallow.

Now he is in ER barely able to speak. They found more of the disease in his lungs, which has progressed considerably since his last scan. He got covid about two months ago, and never seemed to recover from it. He's had persistent headaches and his need for oxygen has gotten worse.

I aim to visit him this afternoon or tomorrow, once he has a room in the hospital. Mom is with him now.

But, it looks like he won't be coming home to his own house. He says mom cannot take care of him in this condition. Mom said he may be transferred to a rehab type of facility. I don't know much of those details.

I'm afraid these are the last days I could be seeing my father. It doesn't look good. They are giving him antibiotics and steroids, but since he can barely talk, who knows how long he will actually live.

I am crying as I write this. :(:( This is horrible. I love my father dearly, and I cannot imagine life without him in it.

I am very sorry. My dad had lung cancer. He was in the hospital for over a month and came for one day and went back with a minor heart attack four days later he was diagnoise with four types of cancer and the one day they had left him alone he passed away the next day.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I am very sorry. My dad had lung cancer. He was in the hospital for over a month and came for one day and went back with a minor heart attack four days later he was diagnoise with four types of cancer and the one day they had left him alone he passed away the next day.

Oh @Buffy01, I am SO sorry to hear this. How horrible! Sorry for your loss.

And thank you for your empathy.

[Have Hope]

He is now speaking as though it's difficult to breathe while he speaks each word. He pauses between each and every word, as though he needs to take a breath.

He is still in the hospital, and they are still waiting to see how the steroids effect him. I am taking Friday off from work to visit him. He hopes to be home early next week, but they can only release him if he is safe to go home. As it is, if he can go home, there is not much he can do and he will be limited to staying in the house, close to his oxygen tank. He cannot go wandering and have his tank run out of oxygen.

I feel SO badly for him... he did not deserve this at all. He has been healthy and took great care of himself all of his life. And now? Now his life is very limiting.

They also think this COULD be a flareup of his disease, in which case, it would dissipate after treatment. This can happen with this disease. Even so, I think covid made him far worse and exacerbated his lung condition.

Mom says he is not on his death bed at this stage. But it's scary when his oxygen drops to a worrisome and concerning level so quickly just from simple movements. He sneezes and his O2 drops to 70. 96 is normal and anything under 90 is a concern.

My poor father. And my poor mother! She is beside herself. They were supposed to go to France next Fall, and this will not happen now. This is no way for him to have to live, My mother is very healthy and is full of energy. They are both retired now and imagined their retirement life very differently.

[Bill3]

I'm so sorry to hear.

[divine1966]

It’s tough. I am sure covid made it worse and harder to fight his illness

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I'm so sorry to hear.

Thanks, @Bill3!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by divine1966

It’s tough. I am sure covid made it worse and harder to fight his illness

Yes, we are all convinced that covid made it far worse for him.

[Have Hope]

My father is estranged from his sister, but not from my cousins, his sister's kids, although they haven't spoken in several years. Well, I took the liberty to let my two cousins know of his terminal disease, his condition and the fact that he's very ill in the hospital. I felt it was the right thing to do and informed my dad afterwards. They will reach out to him.

I guess I just felt family is really important, and his family doesn't even know. It's SO sad and tragic what happened between he and his sister. He tried to make amends, but she wouldn't have it. And now, he is very ill, he is dying of a disease, and she has no clue. SO SAD.

I just hope he won't mind my having reached out to them without asking him first. I am sure he is Ok with it though, and I am sure he will appreciate them reaching out.

[Have Hope]

He’s being transferred to ICU this morning because he requires so much oxygen. That’s all we know right now and no other details. I’m going in to maybe say my goodbyes. I don’t yet know.

[divine1966]

ICU might be just a temporary measure. Hang in there. Thinking about you

[Have Hope]

Thanks so much divine. They had no beds in ICU so they’re maintaining his oxygen level in the room. I visited him today and did not have to say goodbye - not yet at least. His disease has progressed since he’s been hospitalized. I’m going to bring him pizza tomorrow. He wants pizza.

[Have Hope]

It turns out that my father was not thrilled I contacted my cousins to let them know he is ill with a terminal disease. He does not want his sister knowing this. He told me yesterday when I visited that he has closed that chapter of his life. She last told him that she "loves" him, but "does not like him". They haven't spoken since.

This morning I told him to at least reply to my cousins via text to thank them for their messages of concern. When I first contacted them, I said that dad would appreciate hearing from them. Yet, he hasn't replied yet.

I really felt it was the right thing to do, and now I don't think so anymore. I wish I hadn't reached out to them, but 20/20 hindsight. I also though that dad WOULD appreciate hearing from them - they ARE family, after all, and they're on his side of the family.

How sad and tragic that he is dying yet he and his sister refuse to speak. He will die, and she will not even know. Would she even come to his funeral?????

And it's all over money! Of course!!! What else drives families apart in this way?!? His sister had tried to sue him over their father's estate after their father had passed.

Granted, his sister is a very self-serving, selfish woman who creates conflicts and rifts with other family members. She didn't even speak to her own kids for a few years at one point over a conflict. She is one messed up individual.

I guess it wasn't my place to do this..... my heart was in the right place though and my mother didn't think it was so bad of me to do. She thought it was a thoughtful gesture. But my dad? It goes against his wishes and he doesn't want his sister knowing or hearing anything of his illness.

The whole thing makes me very sad.