How are you coping today? #7

Ah.. at last our cave is almost free from the absolute chaos that has been almost a constant for a month. I've been surviving, barely at times. No freaking privacy, small cramped living space (but nowhere near as bad as when the parental units were ..... abusing me....) and more.

I've been ''coping'' by isolating.. never my most ''healthy'' ''coping'' mechanism. But I survived it. And my bear puts two fingers up to those judgers who loved to try to define me with their inane, mean spirited and WRONG venom. Oops. I respect my Bear, she speaks the truth. She isn't gentle because none of the abusers were gentle with her, but she is fair.



I wanted to post a bit, especially to reply to some PMs... I just didn't have the energy after ''coping'' with the .... ugh. I still am behind with emails, PMs etc. (and my pm box is almost full again. I've been thinking of (many) people here though.

I am coping well, although long term I will need more therapy to deal with recent events.


I am watching the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube. I never thought of myself as having CPTSD despite intense childhood abuse from my mother, because I went for weekly counselling for a few years in my early 20s. As if a once-a-week counselling session can "cure" years of abuse!!! I am realizing I am still traumatized and certain behaviours reveal it. I'm lucky to have a good marriage.

I'm also realizing that I need to limit my social exposure to women with children. Mothers tend to judge childless women, especially those who are married but chose not to have kids. I do have one close friend who is a single mom and does not see me as selfish or somehow privileged (she also knows me well enough to know I have had to be a caretaker many times for my disabled husband). But other than her, it seems like some women may judge me and I just don't need that in my life.

Honestly it amazes me that anyone would feel like they have the right to judge anyone else's life choices. I would NEVER judge someone for having kids, and I should not be judged for not having them.

I had to cycle to some shops before storm Ciaran broke here and then I took a look at Internal Family Systems therapy stuff online. I made a chart of all my parts and labelled them 'exile' and 'manager' or 'firefighter'. It helped me a lot. I've noticed my anxiety is much worse since I started phoning my mother again but I said I'd do it because my sister is busy. Forgiveness is important but so is protecting our mental health. Tricky to find the balance.