Grumpy and bad tempered

It’s not my default to be like this, I’ve experienced sadness and anxiety/depression over the years but I’m recently feeling snappy and grumpy.

Tbh it’s probably not as bad for me than the anxiety/depression but it’s not nice for my husband. I do apologise and he says it’s okay it’s just how I am which makes me feel terrible. You’d think I’d just be able to stop but something minor happens and I’m snap snap again.

I’ve been calling myself some bad names over this I’m so cross with myself.

Anyone else?

I get like that too. I’m a bit like that now. My middle sister is here and I always seem to get that way around her. She treated me so badly for years and now I’m conditioned to give. Her the cold shoulder. Ahhhhh tomorrow will not come soon enough.

I get like that as well. Just short tempered in general. I wouldn't consider myself an angry person but I sure can fly off the handle to my loved ones! It's hard to break the habit of it too, because everything they end up doing can get on my nerves.

Be kind to yourself, saying bad words won't help make you feel better.

Just say "it's okay to get angry"

Do you know what is causing you to be grumpy and bad-tempered? If so, simply address it and move on. I realize it's not always that simple but if you know the cause you're halfway there.

For the past few months I was angry about my living situation in my own house (I posted on another thread so I won't regurgitate here). I finally snapped and instead of playing Mr. Nice Guy, I finally stood up for myself and told the cause of my angst that enough in enough and that she's not going to call the shots anymore. She of course didn't like it and we had WWIII over the phone and, yes, it was uncomfortable but SOOOOOO worth it. I got my house back and therefore my sanity back. Now sister-in-law is "threatening" to stay out of my life forever. Good Lord, I hope she follows through with it. I am typically a pretty laid-back person but even I have a breaking point.

What I hope you take away from this is life is too short. Address the people / things that are making you mad, angry, grump, etc. etc. etc. and live your best life.

I just wanted to say how this thread title makes me smile. It always makes me think you are talking about me, like calling me out? "Present!"

Thanks everyone for replies. I think it helped just writing it out, and certainly to reflect on what you’ve all written.

A couple of things occurred to me through your replies, yeah name calling isn’t good, so why do I do it. Growing up I think there were ‘good’ and ‘bad’ behaviours and the one I’m writing about here was in the bad category. So we were told off, and not encouraged to talk about how we felt and why that was. I don’t think that was unusual for my 70s 80s childhood. Shame was definitely a big thing. I still automatically feel it when I experience emotion that is ‘bad’ except you would probably say these days there are no bad or good emotions- they’re just the full range of human emotions.

I was thinking about why I really snap, not the surface reason, the underlying reason and I can think of a few things. I don’t have anything as obvious as the scenario you describe Nammu, and btw I hope that everything goes okay by the time your sister goes home, family dynamics are tricky things and you’re wise for realising why she triggers you this way. Nor do I have anything as obviously stressful as the situation you’ve been coping with Revenge Tour, with your in laws, I can see that would definitely put direct stress onto you and you’d feel out of control of your own family life I’d imagine.

It’s possibly more subtle for me, and it sneaks up on me, my husband is gradually losing the ability to share the load in the household, due to his health. Most of the time I’m okay, I do and I hope I say the right things. I love him after all. But we’ve never had 50:50 split of household chores, I’ve always done more, but now I’m doing a bit more again out of necessity.

Love doesn’t keep score they say but sometimes I do feel resentful, because I’ve done all the organising and cleaning and tidying, shopping, cooking, and been to work. And I know I’m describing a lot of other peoples lives here too and that makes me feel guilty. So I’m back to ‘bad’ emotions and also tied into what it means to be a loving spouse.

The end result is me going ‘snap’ because sometimes it can feel just a bit much sometimes.

Anyhow, he’s helping out a bit more since I lost it the other day, so I think he knows what’s happening. I’m not sure if it’ll be sustainable, or how things will go with his health (maybe that’s my real fear here) but for now it’s helping that he’s trying to pitch in a little more.

Ah that’s because you’re human too Una. No judgement here I promise.

Hahah “present”.

my work has been stressful lately and I am ways tired so yup I’ve been grumpy. My husband sings a song on a tune of love and marriage “short and grumpy short and grumpy” whenever I get like this. Eventually it makes me laugh we both laugh and I snap out but yeah I get you

Divine - your husband is a treasure! Also very brave!

I have been on a healing path for a couple of years now.Something happens and baam I slide down. I get snappy mostly towards myself.My self-esteem and self worth plummets.I blabber and run my mouth alone.Denial,self blame, victim mode and the whole nine yards.Right now some thing happened and I am sulking and trying to process my anger and resentment. Browsing online about how to cope with betrayal trauma.

He is. Hahah He always makes up goofy songs with me in them. Some are quite funny. He has his ways to deal with me. I could be a piece of work

You are sweet beyond belief from my POV--it's just that life can get overwhelming sometimes and we can't fix that. When we try or are required to do to the point of exhaustion--it happens; we are only human

This little pussycat isn’t quite as sweet as she may seem

Today I had to tackle a thief in the store where I work. We don’t have security and my young male supervisor wasn’t near although I shouted for him and he came really quick.

In the meantime I had to try to wrestle the meat joints from this thief, he wasn’t giving up easily either, I got a couple off him but he did get away with one. By this time my supervisor was there and tbh he was a heck of a lot calmer than me and more or less told me to let the thief go. Afterwards he gave me a firm telling about letting go and not putting myself at risk. He was right. In my calm mind I totally agree with him.

I was kind of surprised at how fast I sprang into action (if only I could run like that all the time!) and how much strength I suddenly seemed to have. I was absolutely furious all of a sudden when seconds before I’d been quietly processing stock. It actually felt quite good to take such firm decisive action.

We get stolen from all the time, and a good portion of it are regular offenders. It’s a threat to our livelihood. But maybe I’m just trying to justify my reaction. I’ll try to be calmer next time, my supervisor reasons the company needs to put security in but they don’t and I’m not security, this guy could’ve been carrying anything, it’s not my job to put myself at risk.

But it felt good to take action back.

You so need a vacation!!

Yes maybe I do need a vacation, those aren’t as straightforward as they were a few years ago though and even on vacation I find it hard work with my husband’s mobility problems. It feels easier staying home.

I found out some more about how nasty that thief is, reports online (proper sources) about previous convictions, a particularly vicious assault of a young man, stealing from his neighbour. I don’t regret being rough with him one bit. Although I’ll try to reign it in next time as advised.

Never underestimate the impact of picking up bad habits with your diet and times of the day you eat. I got myself in a nasty disposition because I was staying so busy, I stopped eating properly and ate later in the evening, sometimes before I went to bed. That impacted my ability to sleep well which, adding the combination of high sugary/high processed foods got me pretty well displaced. Once the wife and I pinpointed that and I changed everything back to what it was, those issues resolved themselves. This may not be your circumstances, but its worth a review to make sure you're getting everything you need to function throughout the day, especially if your days get really involved.

Thanks Embracing, I appreciate your reply. I don’t think it’s food/blood sugar related in my case but know you’re right in some cases it is.

I’m better today. No idea why but I’ll take it lol. As an aside I really do think my husband may be a saint.

As a Yank, I'm curious as to what exactly is a meat "joint." I've encountered the term before, probably in an old folk song, but never figured out quite what it was. I must agree with your coworker who advised you not to wrestle with thieves. You're the feisty, spirited type, I take it. You did salvage some inventory and probably discouraged this dude from coming around again.

The parenting style you grew up under sounds a lot like what I experienced. Mine was, perhaps, even more that way, as I'm a bit older. My parents were totally into the "authoritative" stance, when dealing with kid, and they had zero interest in how we felt about that.

My longtime companion went through a long period of declining health, during which I had to take up more and more of the household responsibilities. During his well years, he was great about cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. But his increasing disability eventually meant I did e v e r y t h i ng. He's gone now, and I feel bad about ever snapping at him, but I remind myself that it was a lot that I had to do. Time management is not my strong point, so I didn't always have dinner ready at our normal time of eating. He would get out of sorts over that, and I would get quite snappy. I'ld say, "You can wait another hour, or I can go to Burger King right now and bring dinner back in 20 minutes." (He disliked fast food.) It got to where he would have gone to a nursing home, were it not for me doing the housework and rendering all his physical care. I'll come right out and admit it: From time to time, I'ld use that. "If you go into a nursing home, you'll get all your meals at the exact same time every day!" Of course, now I almost want to cut my tongue out for my snappy outbursts toward him. Then again, in fairness to myself, he would sometimes take what I was doing for granted. I loved him and knew I was loved, but it's nice to get told you're appreciated.

If your husband has declining abilities, it's likely the load on you will get heavier. You need to feel appreciated and not taken for granted. Fair is fair. Now and then, it's ok to point out how much you accomplished in a busy week and say, "How about a little pat on the head?" Sometimes my stress would build up and I would be overly irritable. Then I would apologize. Often that would prompt him to express some sincere appreciation, which was good to hear. Unlike you, I wasn't working outside the home. It sounds like you're doing a lot. Where he can, he needs to pitch in.

Thanks @Rose76 for your thoughtful reply and sharing your own experience, it’s helpful to know I’m not alone. The shift in dynamic of a relationship is difficult, and we’re only at the start of what I see as these changes. I think some of the snapping is about my fears for the future. And yet I know I have so much to be grateful for, some people never find the connection that we did and still have. Maybe it’s because it’s so precious that I fear losing it in some way - I’m thinking out loud of course.

I actually volunteer (part of my role) in carer support and I see incredibly brave and resourceful people week in week out. I’m not sure I’ve got the metal they’ve got but then I’m sure they have their vulnerable moments too.

A joint of meat can be a big hunk of beef, pork or lamb, in UK it’s normally for roasting as a traditional Sunday meal. In this case it was beef, priced upward of £15 so you can see if you have three or four you’ve got a resale value (normally on the street or a pub and some unscrupulous restaurants buy them). I’d like to think it’d put him off but I doubt it, the store put a radio call out to the other stores to let them know he was out anyway, we have our own shared system because the police will not usually attend these crimes anymore. Nothing I can do about that.

Take things day by day. We're only human. I'm sure the caregivers you visit have their stressed out moments and are heartened by your support.

Thanks for explaining "joint." I guess pilferage at stores/shops is a growing problem on both sides of the pond. Lately, crime seems to just get worse and worse. I noticed yesterday that a security guard at Walmart was wearing a bullet-proof vest. Last week, it chilled me to see that a Walmart guard near the entrance had a handgun on his hip.

Thinking out loud, one of the things I noticed I’ve started doing is being extra polite, it sort of puts a buffer there and slows down my thoughts and makes me focus on keeping my manners.

I didn’t plan it I’ve just noticed I’m doing it.

That sounds like a good thing. This allows you to be more self-aware. You will make more conscious, careful choices about how you interact. You may alter your style and tone a bit. Eventually, your newer choices may lead to changed habitual behavior. You may find that the change works better for you. Then you will start to relax into the change. I think change like this is similar to a growth spurt, like we have early in life. The change solidifies, and you don't need to think about it so much. I really do think this is how we keep growing and maturing.

I'm not young now, and I wasn't young ten years ago. In retrospect, I realize that I didn't stop maturing at age 21 or 35 or 40. Ten years ago, I was less mature than I am now. The challenge to gain insight, wisdom and more maturity stays with us, even way past our young years. Maybe I'm just a slow maturer. I wish I could have attained being a more finished product much earlier in life. But I'm still very much " a work in progress." You and I are aware of making choices still about who we are and how we will interact. There's freedom in that - freedom to make choices and freedom to alter how we choose to be. Let's relish that!

I really appreciate this post thanks!

As I've gotten older, I feel that way. When I was younger I didn't feel like I was grumpy and I had a very long fuse for temper. I would be grumpy when people or things get on the wrong side of me. I didn't used to be like that. As far as temper goes, I could explode when I let irritations take hold too long and then something happens that's the "last straw". I'm not a natural temperamental person, but I can lose it if I get pushed enough.

As far as the grumpiness goes, I wonder if I can be that way because of the way things are going? ---> within my life and with what goes on out there.