[indigo1015]

So, I’ve recently been seeing this guy, and he’s sweet, funny, smart, shares some of my interests… I really want to take things further with him. The thing is, he’s very easily triggered and traumatized. I know he was hospitalized because he said that, after he got out of the AF, It was unbearable for him. I really respect that he had the balls to take care of himself, and I’ve been hospitalized too, so I know what its like to be stigmatized for that. But we’ve only met three times so far. I was going to spend New Year’s Eve with him, and he told me at the last minute that he wasn’t ready. Fair enough, I can respect that. Fast forward to tonight— he was going to come over, and the next thing I know, he’s en route telling me he’s had a panic attack, is throwing up, and called a suicide hotline and the cops came to his car. Long story short, he went back home. I get that he’s been through a lot of trauma— i probably can’t understand most of the trauma he’s been through. I’m willing to be supportive. I want to understand. But I am also a bit frustrated. Are we ever going to get past this point? It’s not just about the sex— although I’ll admit it’s important to me, i genuinely want to get to know him better. And I am prepared to be there for him at his worst. But I just don’t know where we stand right now.

Also, I am without a job right now. The delivery job i had did not work out because i could not get comfortable driving the trucks. So I’m looking for a new job. I’ve been working with a career counselor, but this job market is freaky. I’m stressing about money (although i also did that when I was employed). I’m taking some jewelry courses at the local community college, and I’m both excited and stressed about that. Hopefully they will have some job leads. It was not an easy decision to return to school— actually, it’s something I’d been trying to avoid. But I’ve heard really good things about this college’s jewelry courses, and I will have the resources to improve and hone my skills. Also, as a community college, it’s more affordable than a lot of other options.

Overall, I know I should be grateful for everything i have, and for the most part, I am. I have a family. A roof over my head. A kitty. Friends and family. My life ahead of me. But I feel really confused and frustrated over the guy I’m seeing, and the lack of a job has left me a little rudderless. I really, really want to get my jewelry business off the ground. Maybe I should be thinking of this time as an opportunity to focus on that. It’s just hard not to stress.

[divine1966]

I am sorry. It’s frustrating. I’d say if you only met 3 times, it’s not enough to know much except that you want or do not want to see him 4th time.

It sounds that perhaps he’s not ready for relationships but it could also be that he just is not ready to go to women’s houses or taking big steps that perhaps involve intimacy too early?

If you are interested in getting to know him further, maybe suggest dates in neutral public places. Not all dating experiences have to develop that fast. Sometimes taking it slow is the way to go. It’s only been 3 dates.

You could also ask if he’s interested in having more dates and how he wants it to go. He might reveal why spending NYE or going to your house makes him nervous (did you initiate both events?).

I hope jewelry class goes well. Not having a job is a stressful time. I know you’ll figure it out. Good luck with that

[SquarePegGuy]

Maybe he's got agoraphobia along with PTSD? If you feel safe with him, would visiting him at his home be an option? And how would that go?

[indigo1015]

He has been to my house already. He visited in late November to help me decorate the tree. He does have bad PTSD. All the same, I can’t shake the feeling that there is something wrong with all this. His story that he gave me sounds very convoluted— he says he had a panic attack on the way to my condo because of the traffic and the fear of disappointing me. He says he threw up and accidentally dialed the suicide hotline. He says they called the cops on him and that they always do that when you call a suicide hotline. Now, I haven’t called the suicide hotline recently, but a) last time I did they did not call the cops automatically, and b) I don’t see how you can accidentally dial a suicide hotline. I definitely think there is something he is not telling me.

[indigo1015]

I will add that yes, he is scared of going too fast. I understand that and I will respect his boundaries. Even so, I don’t like playing games. He tells me i make him horny and he wants to have sex with me. And yet, every time we plan for a night together, he bails. I would just appreciate it if he came clean with me. Every day I initiate our texting conversations by asking him how he is and what’s new, etc. I really feel I need to figure some things out with this, so today I’m laying off.

[divine1966]

Oh I see.

I’d say if you met in November and it’s already January and you only saw him 3 times, there is likely something off.

Could be: Seeing several women and can’t keep up, drinks or does drugs (I dated alcoholic once and it took me awhile to realize that he bails when he’s too drunk to drive)

You initiate every time? And he bails a lot. Sorry actions speak louder than words. He is either not interested or there’s something wrong with him (beyond ptsd) .

See what happens if you stop initiating communication and don’t ask to get together. That will be your answer

[Discombobulated]

I agree if you’re initiating and asking how he is, is he doing the same? You sound concerned about his welfare but is he showing the same concern about you? It’s a good idea to drop your keenness for a while and see what happens. Good luck!