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  #1  
Old Mar 14, 2005, 08:36 PM
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jmo531 jmo531 is offline
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I was wondering if anyone ever finds themself dishing out advice to others but at the same time are unable to apply it to their own situation?

I find that I do this quite often. I somehow find it easier to give advice to people who I know are in pain. I do this because I care and because I know how the person is feeling and I know the hell they are going through.
I find it hard to apply my advice to my own problems and I don't understand why. I read back on my posts and think...."WOW, thats good advice".
I have been so down and so depressed lately that I can't help myself but I somehow find it with in me to attempt to help others. I don't know why. I guess I just don't want anyone to feel alone. I want people to know that others out there care and want them to get better. I just want to get better too. But why can't I? My damn brain just wont let me.
My anxiety and depression is eating me alive. I went to my T appt today and she thinks that I am not giving myself enough credit for my accomplishments.
She considers my accomplishments as the following:

1) Going back to work
2) Driving on my own
3) Taking my meds
4) Opening up to her

Lets see......The first two are things I could so with out thinking prior to my breakdown so how can I really consider those accomplishments? # 3, well, I never had to take meds before my breakdown so I guess that is an accomplishment. #4, I open up to her because I need someone to help me out of this hell I am going through so in my eyes, I really have no choice but to open up to her.

Im sorry, I'm rambling again about absolutely nothing so I will end this post now.

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  #2  
Old Mar 14, 2005, 09:27 PM
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Wants2Fly Wants2Fly is offline
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Yes, it's always easier to see someone else's situation more clearly than I see my own. But often, in the course of responding to someone else, I do see the connection.
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Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  #3  
Old Mar 14, 2005, 09:28 PM
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Eva1nder Eva1nder is offline
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I can totally relate to this.

I'm usually like a walking self-help book. I thrive on helping others. I used to be much more good at it then I am now. The difference now though is that because I've become so depressed and sick I've become more "numb" and my brain isn't working so well. I've become to withdrawn from people. Just not functioning at all.

Normally though it would be easier for me to focus on helping others so that I would not have to stop and focus on my own life. It's too painful to do that. It's much easier to help others then to stop and help myself.

In my first breakdown I couldn't do any of the things you listed...in fact I couldn't walk down the block alone. And I would have a hard time even walking with someone else.

Now almost 10years later having probably my 2nd one. I'm not able to work, but I can at least drive and somewhat function and take care of myself. I wouldn't be able to work.

I guess what I'm trying to point out is things could be worse. Just because at one point you could do x, y, and z doesn't mean next time you are having a "breakdown" it didn't get as bad yet because you are still able to do x, y, and z.

I hope I made some sense...lol and if I didn't I'm sorry...only trying to help Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Just don't be so rough on yourself...you're very supportive of others...that much I know and so do you. Try to do so for yourself Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
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Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  #4  
Old Mar 14, 2005, 09:59 PM
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i understand exactly what you're describing. i do the same thing. if i'm confused and in denial, i'll help someone else. though recently i was so deep into it that i could barely come here to post anything.....we're all in this together and we can help one another pull through. that's what makes this place so wonderful. xoxox pat
  #5  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 01:40 AM
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DocClyde DocClyde is offline
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I do alot of that myself. I will tell people to do stuff and then turn around, do the opposite myself, or make things look as if they are better than they are.

I think we all do that. I try to stop myself from giving advice to people, especially those who do not ask for it, and especially when it comes to something I might regret stating later.

I completely understand how you feel, and hope for the best for you as well.
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  #6  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 01:54 AM
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Jen, I do the same thing. It's pretty normal because in helping someone else we take the focus off of our own problems so in a sense we are distracting ourselves. And you should pat yourself on the back for these things you've listed. I understand how you feel about the first two, but think of this... your breakdown has affected your ability to do these things so getting back in the swing of them is an accomplishment. It's like the old analogy of getting back on the horse after you've taked a spill. It can be scarry and difficult, but you've overcome these obstacles and that should be acknowledged. Taking the meds can be a difficult pill to swallow (forgive the pun) for many so that too is an accomplishment. And as far as opening up goes, some people would rather waste their and their t's time and keep things bottled up inside... so again you should pat yourself on the back. Therapy can get very rough before it gets better but it seems to me like you have a strong will to get better and you should feel good about that. Take care of yourself and be good. Just remember that you can do this and we're all behind you.

Ryan
  #7  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 08:05 PM
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jmo531 jmo531 is offline
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(((((WANTS)))))
(((((EVA)))))
(((((FAY)))))
(((((CLYDE)))))
(((((RYAN)))))

Thank you so much for your replies. I guess I am not alone in this.

Ryan, what you wrote was so nice and sweet and made me feel really good about the things I said were not big accomplishments.
They really are big. I can remember back when I could not drive or even sit in the drivers seat because I was so very afraid that something bad would happen so I didn't want to be in control. Being able to drive again has been such an experience. I actually feel free when I'm riding down the road. I turn my music up and get lost in it. I love that. I love it because I used to love it before and wasn't able to do that for a long while.
Going back to work was also another experience that was scarry for me. I was so afraid what everyone would think of me. I wondered if they even cared. When I went back I received hugs, gifts and lots of "WELCOME BACK". It made me feel good.
I guess I do have to cut myself some slack. It is so hard though. I think dishing out advice to others is a way to take the focus off of my own problems but at the same time, I'm helping others. I love to help others.

I love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!1

Thank you so much.

Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  #8  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 08:48 PM
darkeyes darkeyes is offline
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Hi there,
I agree with your T, these are accomplishments, and I'd like to say that is good, even if you don't think they are accomplishments.
I also want to say that I think that you wanting and do offer advice, support and compassion is a beautiful thing, so see that as being a terrific person, please.
I do understand what you mean (I think) that why is it we can offer advice but yet, often, we can't seem to apply it to ourselves, that is something I cannot answer, I ponder this often in my own life too, gets me unreeled sometimes.
I wish I had something that can help with your post, but I don't, I guess.
I do want to say that of what you mentioned about how you feel towards others and helping them, makes me feel you must be a good person Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

DE

PS
If you find some solutions or even little threads of some solution, please, by all means share it with us, it would be so useful, helpful and most of all appreciated Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  #9  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 09:09 PM
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jmo531 jmo531 is offline
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(((((DARKEYES)))))

Thank you so much. I always wondered if people do the same thing as me. I guess when we all feel down we can still offer advice to help others. I think that makes all pretty special, caring and loving people.

I also think all of us know how lonley and scary depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses can be so being there for eachother is a must.

Take care DE.
Thanks

Luv,

Jen
  #10  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 10:05 PM
dayzee9 dayzee9 is offline
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Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!((((((((jm0531))))))))))))))) Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's the bottom line, girl Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The best of advisors; are the ones who are the survivors"

Therefore, quit it Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!! and realize that you (like I) can "dish it out" superbly; because we've been there & thus, we are "passing on the torch" BUT, we cannot seem to take our own advice, even though we KNOW its the "right stuff" is usually because we "do not feel worthy" Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!! of having the same "help" as the ones who we help! Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, makes my head spin sometimes, too. Ever since I was in juveile corrections as a teenager (wow, that's been a long time!) Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!! My friends/fellow "JD's" always were pulling ME off to the side w/ their problems & they were "eternally grateful" Continued thru the Army (basic training was a "new" hell to me, even after being a "ward of the state")and all through my on-going years of PSY hospitalizations. Those friends I made would call me after d/c & I "let them" suck me dry emotionally. Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But...you, like I are loving people! We cannot help ourselves (literally, in a lot of ways, eh?) Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well dear... Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!! for being alive; posessing all that love inside for others; and being able to hang another day on the hook w/ a warm feeling in your heart. Because "giving love" is retroactive! You're a walking miracle!
You're beautiful!

I am honored to know of you & reading your posts... Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!! ((((((((((((((( Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!DayZee)))))))))))))))
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  #11  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 11:56 PM
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jmo531 jmo531 is offline
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(((((((((((((((((dayzee))))))))))))))))

You moved me to tears. I don't know what to say. Thank you so much for your post. It made me feel loved.
I don't know what else to say. Thank you so much.
  #12  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 04:33 AM
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Myzen Myzen is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 1,034
Hi jmo,

I know someone who is a professional counsellor, working with some very fragile people. This person also has multiple no-go areas, even in conversation.

I'm always amazed how many people qualify in areas which are a private problem for them, almost as a way of not going to the hard place.

There was an episode of 'Frasier' on our TV recently which dealt with just this phenomena.

Cheers, Myzen.

PS - Of course I've been guilty myself; that goes without saying!
  #13  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 07:42 AM
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jmo531 jmo531 is offline
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(((((MYZEN)))))

Thank you so much.
Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  #14  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 02:39 PM
dayzee9 dayzee9 is offline
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You don't have to say a thing, (((((jmo531)))))))) Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm glad my post helped you....now just promise me you will devote yourself to using your "gift" w/ others Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND, just make sure to allow yourself the feeling that you deserve just as many warm fuzzies as everyone else in these forums! Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am honored to make your acquaintance; keep posting Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(((((((((((((( Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!DayZee)))))))))))))))))
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"DIVERSITY: The art of thinking independently together" ---MS Forbes
  #15  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 06:59 PM
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jmo531 jmo531 is offline
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(((((DAYZEE))))) Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dishing it out...but can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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