I feel bad about doing something good for me

Prior to ever finding this sight, a long time ago, I started posting on a board like this, only focused on grief. Over time I made a lot of cyber friends. I even got so close to one older lady, I called her my cyber-mama, and I went to visit her. She knew everything about me, and I her. One day she disappeared. My e-mails were sent back and everything. Sure enough, she had passed away. I turned to the others on the board. Mind you, by the time this all happened, a group of us created a new board, and talked not so much about grief. I guess you could say, we were all in the advanced stages, and could focus on other things, and joke around. We were still all hurting, but we were not as raw as the newly griefstricken. Any way, when my cyber-mama died, I turned to the other board for help and stuff, as they all knew her as well, and nobody was there. I quit posting in November, just to see if anybody would notice, and nobody even noticed. (mind you it was a private board with only about 10 people on it.)
The other day, I posted for the first time since Nov, and noticed that my last post was still on the board so nobody has been posting at all, a not so nice farewell to everybody. I told the creater of the board he could take my name off the security list, because I would not be back, and was deleting all links to the site. I waited two days to see if I received any responce from my so called friends, then I finally deleted all the links. All of this happened since my Cyber-mama died, before that, she kind of held our cyber family together.

It has been a few days, and I really am missing them. I haven't been there in a long time, but now that I took the link off my tool bar, I want to peak in and read. Stupid huh?
I have not received any e-mails from any of these people either. My next step is to send them all an e-mail requesting a response, or get zapped.

Why is it that, people I really care about, always leave me one way or another?

Ohhhh Bren, we're still here when you need us
Angie

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would be hurt too ((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

i occasionally post on a board like that too but i don't cut the ties to it because the lady who started it is no longer with it and it is a private board and she is the only one who can let anyone join. so unless she comes back it will never grow- but it has gotten smaller. it has 15 members but only about 4 post regularly. the last time i posted saying that i was having a rough time with my depression - one person answered me and told me that it was probably just because it was winter time and i would be better once the weather got warm. i didn't feel very supported by that. i do email the members on occasion to try to stay in touch but i don't hear back from them so i know how you are feeling. sorry- its a bad feeling.

((((((((((((Bren)))))))))))))

That would make me feel crappy too.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bren}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It has happened to me too on other site. It hurts but I try to put in my mind that it just wasn't meant to be. Sometime it takes a while to find the right place where we will feel we do belong at least a bit.

I hope you will like it here. Nice to have you with us!

nightdream

Bren,

I am so sorry. I dont think that its stupid at all that you still have that need to "check back in". It's perfectly normal. Remember, you spent alot of time with these people so it is only natural that you would want to know how everyone is doing.
It seems that you have lots of support here also.

Hi Bren,

I know exactly what you mean, and have experienced similar 'drop off' on a small bulletin board site. It's lonely.

What is so good about psych central is that Dr John has made sure there are reliable admin people here to keep things going.

We need to feel secure when we are discussing painful and personal subjects, and I do feel secure here.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen.

THANK YOU EVERYBODY FOR THE WONDERFUL SUPPORT. I still am feeling a bit vonerable, but I am doing a lot better.

(((((((((((((((((((((((GROUP))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Love to you all
bren