[tarabug922]

Hey everybody,

I just want to get this out of my head and on to 'paper'. My depression has lasted the better part of ten years now where I've been medicated all but two of those years. Not to say that I didn't need meds during that two year period, just that I coped with it through anorexia and bulimia. Anyway, I can't seem to figure out what is causing the depression. I have recovered from the anorexia and bulimia for two years now but the depression lingers. The meds make me functionable. But I still don't shower every day or brush my teeth everyday or wash my clothes like I should or cook for myself. If it isn't easily to hand I don't eat it, It's like I'm not worth the effort. I don't have the effort inside of me to make. There's no motivation <-- wrong word to get going in the morning. I have nothing that makes me want to get out of bed. I do because I have to work for a living but other than that and school when I go I wouldn't get out of bed, even with the meds. I sleep all day and I'm so sad that I'm wasting away my life. I'm young and beautiful and have so much to look forward to that it shouldn't be this way. But I can't seem to figure out why the depression lingers. Any thoughts would be nice.

Some more info just for background. I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder - depressive subtype, I've recently divorced my husband of nine years. I'm 28 and have been depressed most of my life. Attempted suicide four times - but thank God that won't happen again.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[turquoisesea]

all I can say is to keep fighting - is there any way you can get some exercise ? get out of bed as much as possible? by exercise it doesn't even have to be lots could just be going outside and walking for 30 minutes - 30 minutes gets the heart going and could help

[trevorzero]

It sounds like you are very bored with everything. If you could do something to really "shake things up," it might help.

When was the last time that you surprised yourself (in a good way)? It's always depressing when you are pretty sure that absolutely nothing exciting is in your future.

[Miracle1986]

(((tarabug)))

[Amazonmom]

I'm sorry you have had to go through so much!!!

I was severely depressed, and I would literally forget to eat, or brush my teeth, or that showers were necessary. Ended up making a schedule, because it might have taken me all day but I finished the list of:

1)eat
2)brush teeth
3) Shower
4) wash clothes(once a week only)

Is your pdoc tweaking your meds for you?

[Ratanddragon]

I saw in your profile that you work graves. I've done that and it is an adjustment even when you're feeling good. It seemed like I was always trying to play catch-up on sleep. What worked best for me while on the shift was to get rigid about a sleep schedule (hardcore.) Best of all was when I got a new job and normal sleeping patterns. I won't say that dealing with the shift will cure you, but I know my moods moderated a lot when I got rigid with a sleep schedule and even more so when I could sleep on a normal schedule. Hope this helps..it's worth a try.

[tarabug922]

Originally Posted by Amazonmom

I'm sorry you have had to go through so much!!!

I was severely depressed, and I would literally forget to eat, or brush my teeth, or that showers were necessary. Ended up making a schedule, because it might have taken me all day but I finished the list of:

1)eat
2)brush teeth
3) Shower
4) wash clothes(once a week only)

Is your pdoc tweaking your meds for you?

Yeah my pdoc is tweaking my meds. We're trying to come down off Effexor and go up on Topamax to see how that works. But something's missing you know. I'll try the schedule thing like you suggested. Thanks for that.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[ecdrewello1]

I don't know if I can be all that helpful, but I know exactly what you mean when you say there's nothing enticing you to get out of bed in the morning. I read a journalist's blog and she wrote something like, "I snuggle for those last 5 mins in bed but then realize that the world outside is so much more interesting than my blankets..." and I was like, what in the world are you talking about lady?? I just couldn't even imagine WANTING to get out of bed. Someone mentioned that you work overnites... I'm just getting off one now. I did them solid for two years, and they really did have an effect on my mood. I know it's really hard when you don't know what to do to make things better and all the advice out there seems like the same crap that didn't work last time you tried it. Is there some crazy thing that you would like to do? Immagine that there are no rules and you could do anything you want... I've been thinking about taking martial arts classes, but have been worried that I'm too old and out of shape and my friends would make fun of me... maybe if you tried something like that?

hugs

[depressedalaskan]

I am new to this site and I am now seeing that there are other people in the world that feel like I do. My mornings are the same as yours. I have no motivation to do anything. All I do is think about things that need to be done, but I have no motivation to get them done. I do get up and look at the things that need to be done and after a while (looking at my list and walking in circles) I go back to bed and think some more. What is truly wrong with me?
Sorry for sounding so sad but that is me. I just wanted to let you know that there are people out here that do understand how you feel.
This is from the heart - I would like to say good job on your achievements. Going to work, school and staying alive. Way to go - keep up the good work.