[bananasarecool]

i know im hurting my body. i know its bad. i know its probably stupid.
i know im making it hurt, breaking it, destroying it. my stomach hurts. i feel dizzy. i feel sick.
and somehow its still not hard enough.
it sounds crazy right? it seems impossible to get through every single day...
but i have to make this as hard as possible
and i dont know why.
maybe its just to prove that i can do it?
maybe its because i already know that i cant?
i feel sick.
i feel worthless.
and i cant trust myself.
i dont want to live. i dont think i should die.
i want to scream. i want to cry. i just want to curl up and hide.
i think im just gonna take a really long walk, clear my head...
try to become just a little saner.
try to get through another day.

[turquoisesea]

yes hurting the body is bad, stupid , whatever.

but there's a reason you're doing it. You're having a really rough time.

The fact that you're doing this DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE BAD, does NOT mean you are worthless.

It DOES mean you're having a hard time, and need to reach out for help.
I'm glad you posted, I'm glad you ranted.

do your best to take care of your body and every bit of you inside

[Berries]

((((((((((bananasarecool))))))))))

Plz stop hurting yourself. You don't deserve it. Do you have someone you could talk to? It sounds like maybe you need a therapist.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing, ok?

We care, I care

[bananasarecool]

Thanks guys,
ive got an appointment to see my counsellor tomorrow. its hard but i think i need to talk about it.
Parents arent making it that easy... all i want to do is be left on my own. i feel unable to get dressed and ready and take care of myself at the moment, let alone go out and be around people all day.
i just want to be on my own, to shut everyone else out.
i know they're trying to help by getting on with things like normal but i cant.
i just wish they could understand. i wish i was normal. i wish i wasnt like this.

im just defeated.

x

[turquoisesea]

unfortunately hiding away doesn't do much good either - been there and done that - I'm glad you're going to your counselor

hoping you can feel at least a little better

[Berries]

(((((((((((bananasarecool)))))))))))

I am so glad you have an appointment with your counsler. Tell her/him everthing, be very honest even if it is embarrasing.

I am so sorry you are hurting so much right now.

There is hope. Things always change. There will be good days ahead.

Just hang in there.

Keep posting. How are you doing today? Let us know what happens with your counselor.

We care. I care