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Old Jul 08, 2009, 11:00 AM
amaryllis amaryllis is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Location: near Austin Texas
Posts: 6
I am new here, so hello... sounds like we all need a hug.

I used to take antidepressants, but don't like the "wrapped in cotton batting" feeling I always had. So now I am pushing forward unmedicated. I am in tears half the time. The other half I am so tired I can hardly move. And I am nearly always anxious. Can't watch much TV for fear I will see the news, which makes things worse. Have to set my homepage to "happynews.com" so I won't accidentally see anything that will scare me. This sounds pathetic when I read what I just wrote, and it is not really that bad, I am not paralyzed but I feel worried a lot about the state of the world and the media does not help me. I feel tired, empty, not good enough...

I have been doing some self help work from a book on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to try to help get out of the mire of my depression. Have any of you heard of or had any success with this? It talks about mindfulness, and staying in the moment, and realizing your thoughts are just thoughts, not necessarily reality. So, today, I was feeling a little afraid to take my car in for an oil change, because I was worried they would tell me something was wrong with the car and I would have no way to really know. It feels helpless for me to have to rely on someone I don't know for this. Anyway, I realized I was afraid that I would feel afraid so took the car over and we shall see when they call me how things are. So, that was a kind of ACT thing, realizing I was afraid of what I might feel, so I was trying to avoid doing anything.

So my story is that I am 54, female, living with my partner Charles for the past 8 years in relative harmony, have a grown son who moved out five years ago to go to college in NYC, loves it and is staying there. My son is the joy of my life, and I am kind of lost without him around. Still. After 5 years you would think I would be accepting this. Sigh. I work as a customer service manager and have been there for 11 years. I am good at my job but don't love it anymore. I am creative, and do a lot of things for charities, like making dolls for orphanages, blankies for the elderly, and things like that. This makes me feel better, and keeps me out of trouble.

I am busily reading posts. Thank you for listening.
Christine Amaryllis

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  #2  
Old Jul 08, 2009, 11:30 AM
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Amazonmom Amazonmom is offline
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Hi Christine!

It's nice to meet you. You must have done a good job raising your son to have him move away, go to college, and decide NY was a great place to be. You'll have a great time going to visit.



I hope things get better for you.
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  #3  
Old Jul 08, 2009, 01:29 PM
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turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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to PC

I hope you can find a way without the medications
Glad to read this and get to know you
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Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

  #4  
Old Jul 08, 2009, 10:58 PM
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justfloating justfloating is offline
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hi, welcome to PC

Nothing you said sounds pathetic ... it sounds like depression. You're in good company here. Let us know how you get on with your ACT. I think teaching yourself to recognize your negative thoughts is a very healthy step to take. Good luck with it!
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  #5  
Old Jul 08, 2009, 11:10 PM
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all alone all alone is offline
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Welcome to PC
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Old Jul 09, 2009, 03:05 AM
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ExiExi ExiExi is offline
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Hi, Christine
Welcome!
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Where, where I go - Remember me but let me go
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  #7  
Old Jul 09, 2009, 03:44 AM
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paddym22 paddym22 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2009
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Firstly welcome to PC and good that you posted. It is a very frank and honest post. I am really particularly interested in your application of the mindful technique you used in an otherwise nervous situation. I am learning do the same myself so thank you for encouraging me. I have great hope placed in learning mindfulness and I can see some results expecially with anxiety and fear. I simply acknowledge the feelings and thoughts and realise them for what they are without fighting them and then try to let them go and sometimes it works for me. Practice I believe is the key to this.

Paddy
  #8  
Old Jul 09, 2009, 06:57 AM
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darkpurplesecrets darkpurplesecrets is offline
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Location: within another world not seen. built and silenced behind a wall of fear based strength......
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(((((amaryllis)))))

Welcome to PC. I hope you will find lots of support here and feelings of acceptance. Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you get to feeling better soon. Sorry you are feeling so low at this time. Many here can share in your feelings. Know we are here to support you and that you are never judged for what you say or feel. There are so many wonderful and loving people here that understand.

I am glad you joined and hope you will look around and feel the safety here. Know you are not alone and that we care. Sounds like you are doing a good thing for yourself through the ACT. It sounds like a very positive thing. It is a wonderful thing you do for the orphanage, and elderly people.

I look forward to continuing to get to know you. Thank you for posting and I look forward to hearing more from you. I send you good thoughts and gentle hugs if that is okay.

dps
  #9  
Old Jul 09, 2009, 10:42 AM
amaryllis amaryllis is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Location: near Austin Texas
Posts: 6
Thank you all for responding to my post! I do feel the acceptance in this forum, and thank you for that too.

Paddy, I think you are right, it is going to take practice to stop letting my depressive thoughts get the best of me. That is kind of how I felt taking the antidepressants, my thoughts just floated away. This was counterproductive for working and conversations, though. :-)

Hope you are all having a peaceful day,
Christine Amaryllis
Thanks for this!
turquoisesea
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