Trapped in my head

I'm SO TIRED.



I have no idea why I have no energy. I am trying to do too much, I guess. But I need to work in order to keep out of the house -- staying home is even more exhausting because that means spending time around my family -- plus I really need the money. On the days I don't work (which are few and far between) I am trying to see my friends or doing things for my family ... there's always some reason to be on the run. I can't remember the last time I had a day entirely to myself but I'm pretty sure it was while I was still in Scotland.

I feel wound up. There's this feeling in the pit of my stomach that feels just like when I'm stressed, but I don't really have anything to stress about. I'm just so tired, and one minute I can be fine, then the next I feel like I'm barely holding myself together. I feel like I'm made up of little pieces that are falling away one by one while I drag myself from one day to the next.

It's not even a mood thing. I don't generally feel much of anything. Not miserable, not sad... I can feel happy and I do quite a lot, but it's a muted happiness, and I can't tell you the last time I felt true joy. I can't concentrate on ANYTHING, which means I'm not writing, which means all my thoughts are trapped inside my head. It's like those thoughts consume so much of my energy that there's none left for my body, if that makes sense. I'm just ... slowed down. My thoughts are on repeat -- all I can think about are my failed relationships, my loneliness, the emptiness of my life, the latest stress my family has caused, and I'm so caught up with those thoughts that I can't even get my body to lift a pen to write them down. Can your thoughts exhaust you and leave you too tired to even get them out? Too tired to even feel anything anymore?

Today I heard a song by Jack's Mannequin, and this is the first verse:

Oh my God, this hurts like hell
I had that dream again where
I was lost for good in outer space
Tell me, doctor, how to shake
A waking nightmare that is only
Worse when I am sleeping

I can't stop listening to it. It's everything I want to express, but can't. I feel so trapped inside my own head.

((((((((((((Justfloating)))))))))))

YES!! I have trouble with obsessive, looping thoughts and they can be extrememly exhausting for the mind and body.

Meds help me a lot.

(((((justfloating)))))

Sorry you are feeling so much exhaustion and stress. I know how not sleeping and reoccurring thoughts can tear you down, and eat on you until you cannot move. Finding it hard to even pick up a pen to write down your thoughts or anything is so hard at times like that. But you did a good job sharing wht you are feeling and we can hear you and are listening.

Please do something kind for you. Take a time out--you deserve a day to yourself. And remember to breath--slowly in and out. THis can also reduce the anxiety and stress. Please know that we are here for you and we do care. Always holding out a hand of friendship and support.

dps

((((((((((((((((( justfloating )))))))))))))))))))

I am sending you some hugs.

Sending hugs your way too.

(((((justfloating))))

berries said it for me, I have felt and have thoughts just like you. It's VERY exhausting! Meds and therapy help alot. Just as eating well, sleeping well, excercising and taking care of myself also help very much.

If you can't be home with your family, what about planning a relaxing day somewhere you enjoy with no rush, no people around who stress you, do what you want, eat what you want, treat yourself like you would a friend who needed a day off like you do.

Maybe you could even arrange to be at a friends home when they won't be there so you can just kick back, watch TV, listen to music, talk on the phone, be totally silent, meditate, whatever.... but get yourself recharged or you will break into a million pieces, physcially and emotionally.

(((justfloating)))

I agree that if you are able to get away and do something just for yourself, that may help quite a bit. I know how hard it can be when you don't have a quiet minute to yourself, and it can really wear a person down. It's especially hard when you don't have much control over your living situation, that you just have to "go with the flow", as with living with family.

Some things that you could do might be...go to the library or a book store and find a quiet corner to relax in, go get your nails done (I just started doing this recently, as my "me time"), go to a park and/or a pond and just sit and reflect/recharge/write, go sit at a church (either inside or out) to find some comfort and peace, etc.

It can be really hard when you're feeling so tired that you can't seem to find the energy to write about what you're thinking about and going through, especially since all those thoughts and feelings can take a lot of energy. It seems like writing can help quite a bit...by getting all of those trapped thoughts out of your head, and helping you to work things out, etc...so it's frustrating when you feel like you just don't have the energy to even journal about things.

What you said about being happy but not remembering the last time that you felt joy, I can understand that too. For me, it's like I just don't feel the joy that I wish I could feel about things/life.

I hope that you feel better soon.

i really like your posts. i feel you, because i've been there, and in some words, still are.

i know that may not quite be the writing your hoping to get done... but posting your thoughts on a message board is something atleast, and they do make a impact.

try to make due with that intill you can get the writing you want done.

I understand what you're saying, I too have gotten those loops before. No fun.

Is there any way you could "escape" but rather than going to a friends house, go somewhere else? I kind of have the opposite problem - I don't have as many friends here. But for me there's a few places in my areas I could go to be relatively alone, and get some "me" time. Like going to Barnes and Nobles and just sitting reading a book or if I can't concentrate doing whatever. Because they don't mind. *the shop is closeby so I can walk* I know you have a car - you can say you're meeting up with your friends if your mother says anything about it, but maybe you can find a nice place nearby to call your own. Another spot for me is in a park by a river. Two parks actually. One has some nice pathways which feel a bit like woods and you can look out over river and see no buildings and stuff... only an occassional person walking their dog comes by. And the other is more of a people park - seats and benches and always someone around because it's near a train station but it's nice all the same. I haven't been to these places in a little bit but maybe I should =)

I guess what I'm saying is to try to find a spot and MAKE it your own. To get that mental relaxation you need.

Sending hugs