[depressedalaskan]

Depression whys:

Why am I so: useless, worthless, confused, forgetful, hopeless, lazy, alone?

Why am I so scared to: be around others, talk on the phone, drive my car, get a job, have fun, be happy, go shopping, talk to my friends and family?

Why can't I: remember, figure things out, communicate, do something with my days, function?

I know this is depression talking but: why is it so hard to fight, why does it take all of my energy just to confront it, why does it want me so bad?

Why do I even: wake up?

Sorry for this post, I do try to post more positive things but I am just so frustrated with my illness I just needed to get it out.

[Tonny]

you took the words right out of my mouth.

It feels good to know I am not the only one thinking these things. Maybe, just maybe, there are others that understand and can relate. This really helped me today. Was having the same thoughts running amok in my head.

[Rohag]

*Sits down alongside Alaskan to ponder a nearly identical set of questions.*

[idontknow13]

((((depressedalaskan))))
Lets wonder together

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by depressedalaskan

I am just so frustrated with my illness I just needed to get it out.

Not good that you're feeling this way , but good that you got it
out. We are here to listen and hopefully have something useful
to say. Right now I feel the same as you , so I don't have the
answers. I was just wondering is starvation considered SI ?
Hope I didn't trigger anyone. Forgive me but I'm not thinking
like a normal person would . I just want this to END.

[turquoisesea]

Sorry you're feeling so frustrated right now

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( alaskan )))))))))))))))

[Amazonmom]

You are useless or worthless, lazy, or alone. You are a good person who is under attack by depression. You have us at PC.

Your messages have made a difference for me on bad days.

DEPRESSION, YOU ARE WRONG ABOUT ALASKAN, AND EVERYONE ELSE HERE!

[marvin_pa]

depressedalaskan, you post many positive things here & I'm sure everyone here appreciates it - however, there's nothing to be sorry for when you describe your frustration. Just writing stuff down can be therapeutic & putting it out there can be a real comfort to others who have been/are going through the same thought processes/feelings.

Depression affects the way you think - what could be a harder thing to rationalize, to deal with & to try to resolve? That's what makes the why's so difficult & frustrating. For me, at least, one of the threads of logic that I've been able to hang onto, is being able to discover & relate to the experiences of others on places like this & from folks like yourself.

I hope you (actually, everyone) gets to feel some relief from the frustrations soon.

[Knitnut]

Why am I so: useless, worthless, confused, forgetful, hopeless, lazy, alone?

You are not useless, worthless!! I can't speak to forgetful and alone. But you are NOT worthless nor are you useless!

Why am I so scared to: be around others, talk on the phone, drive my car, get a job, have fun, be happy, go shopping, talk to my friends and family?

I too ask myself this question often. I have been asked in therapy when the last time I had fun, in the true meaning of fun. I can't even answer that question. I seems like NEVER!

Why can't I: remember, figure things out, communicate, do something with my days, function?

Again, I too ask myself this question often. Part of depression is difficulty making decisions, cognitive memory and just functioning day in and day out.

I know this is depression talking but: why is it so hard to fight, why does it take all of my energy just to confront it, why does it want me so bad?

This is an excellent question and I wish I had the answer for all of us. I can only say that yes, it is hard to fight it and sometimes it does take all our energy just to get through a day. See my signature quotes below

Why do I even: wake up?

Because your life is important. It may not seem that way much of the time, but you ARE important to people in your life. They may not show it, but they are there and they do care. I know the feeling of, "I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again." I think many, if not all of us, can identify with this.

My therapist has a picture on the wall behind the chair he sits in. It is a picture of a forest with a few trees. The trees of heavy with fog all around. I can't tell you how many times I have said, "If only I could just step into that picture and disappear into the fog, permanently."

Sorry for this post, I do try to post more positive things but I am just so frustrated with my illness I just needed to get it out.

Never say you are sorry for anything you post in this forum!!

Here rotting for you

[*freak*]

No answers, only hugs

[depressedalaskan]

Thank you everyone..

[googley]

I agree with everyone else! You are so supportive of everyone there is no reason to feel bad about needing support yourself. If we don't take care of ourselves we can't help anyone.

[Pomegranate]

(((((Alaskan))))) You are so positive most of the time in the threads you post. You are inspiring. It's so obvious you are trying so hard to do all you can to take care of your depression - to fight it.

If fighting it is working for you and helping you get better, keep doing it. I fight, fight, fight mine but I also learned, for me, that sometimes I need to simply accept that this day, this hour.... whatever, I am in depression and that's "okay." I acknowledge that I am doing the best I can and then allow myself to feel the way I feel and act accordingly.... cry, stay in bed, do nothing, treat myself, what ever I need on a really bad day.

I admit I do spend many days being "selfish" (and working on the guilt from that) because I feel so down so often. But I have found that this is one of the more effective ways for me to deal with my depression.

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by depressedalaskan

Depression whys:

Why am I so: useless, worthless, confused, forgetful, hopeless, lazy, alone?

Why am I so scared to: be around others, talk on the phone, drive my car, get a job, have fun, be happy, go shopping, talk to my friends and family?

Why can't I: remember, figure things out, communicate, do something with my days, function?

I know this is depression talking but: why is it so hard to fight, why does it take all of my energy just to confront it, why does it want me so bad?

Why do I even: wake up?

Sorry for this post, I do try to post more positive things but I am just so frustrated with my illness I just needed to get it out.

I feel the exact same way. Just want out of it all...

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by googley

I agree with everyone else! You are so supportive of everyone there is no reason to feel bad about needing support yourself. If we don't take care of ourselves we can't help anyone.

I agree thank you!!!

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

(((((Alaskan))))) You are so positive most of the time in the threads you post. You are inspiring. It's so obvious you are trying so hard to do all you can to take care of your depression - to fight it.

If fighting it is working for you and helping you get better, keep doing it. I fight, fight, fight mine but I also learned, for me, that sometimes I need to simply accept that this day, this hour.... whatever, I am in depression and that's "okay." I acknowledge that I am doing the best I can and then allow myself to feel the way I feel and act accordingly.... cry, stay in bed, do nothing, treat myself, what ever I need on a really bad day.

I admit I do spend many days being "selfish" (and working on the guilt from that) because I feel so down so often. But I have found that this is one of the more effective ways for me to deal with my depression.

(((((Pomegranate))))) I try to share what I have learned. I also have to share how I feel to learn what is going on with me and my own depression. For every question that I ask I have only one reason - I want to beat this illness. I keep sharing what I have learned so that maybe it will help someone with their own battles. This to me is our goal here at PC. I do want us all to win. And I have to say that I feel very comfortable here asking my questions. I have tried to ask these questions in the real world and people back away. So thank you!!! to you and all on PC for your/their help and understanding. Hugs to everyone and may we some day live depression free.