University :(

I'm in my first year of university right now. I did actually start in 2003, but I had to withdraw because of my severe depression. I restarted last September, and unfortunately I've had problems with depression more or less from the beginning, and it has gradually got worse. My attendance is really quite low, and I skipped all of my classes today too. Some of my classes I haven;t attended since January; some, before that . At the moment, my motivation is really in the pits. I'm so far behind in my work it's unbelievable (uncompleted coursework since November) but what's worse, I don't have the motivation to even pick up my pen to do the easy work , never mind write 2000-word essays. I've told my personal tutor ( a kind of teacher we have who we go to about problems with work) about my depression, since he also handled the paperwork when I withdrew last year, but I'm reluctant to tell him the full extent of how I'm doing, and besides, I haven't seen him since before Christmas. talking to people in authority like him scares me... so I don't. it's only in the past few weeks that I have been finally considering seeing a psychiatrist for meds. I've been seeing both my dr and the university counsellor since November. I'm seeing the psychiatrist today. I hope it goes ok. Basically I am being overwhelmed with all this stuff. My counsellor warned me from the beginning that she was afraid this would happen, but I didn't have the motivation to complete work then either. Of course, it probably would help me if I stopped coming to this site so much. But even when I'm not here, and I'm bored, I don't start my work. Though I probably should do. If I could, I would withdraw from university again and take a year out somewhere, somewhere relaxing - maybe New Zealand, lol. But of course I can't afford it and I would never be allowed to do it. So all I am left with are fantasies and piles of work...

Any tips? Any advice? Thanks for any replies.

Hi Silver,
Sorry to hear things are not going too well for you, I don't really know what to say that would be of any help to you, Just wanted to let you know I read your post and I miss speaking to you in chat. Hope things work out.
Molly

Thanks molly! I miss speaking to you in chat too... and to the other UK people. Though chat has been very quiet recently anyway...

I went to my psychiatrist meeting. It had been cancelled. The psychiatrist was on sick leave, still. last time I went, a month ago, he was off sick then too. They were supposed to write to me . I don't know when my next appointment will be now.

Sorry to hear what you are going through, Silver. I don't know how possible it would be to stop uni for the moment ? I don't know how much it means to you........

but, from my own experience the work load is enormous - there is always a deadline for essays. Your health / mind is so important and the pressures of studying can add to your stress.

I gave up university after 3 months (!) about 7 years ago - I knew I couldn't do it and it was enough for me to know I could get in. I don't regret it.

But we are all different..........can't help thinking how much of a strain it must be for you though.

As for the psychiatrist etc, isn't it typical - you are vulnerable, yet they don't think of that, do they ? When you are 'left in the lurch' by those sorts of ppl it can add to your depression...........makes you wonder how much they really understand, eh ?

feel free to pm if you want to ..........Poppet

Hang in there silver_queen,

I went through a very similar situation to you in 1999. My second year at the university and I was so depressed I couldn't leave my dorm room for weeks. The professional help available on campus was poor. I remember sitting in the campus therapist's office explaining how bad I was feeling lately. I was crying and very emotional, sharing feelings that I was to afraid to tell anyone else, when I looked up and noticed that he'd fallen asleep.

Ouch.

Anyway, my sister who had experience with depression convinced me to come home and get help there. Since I was going to school 300 miles away from where I lived, I had to withdraw from school, pack my bags, and leave my full scholarship in Florida. I didn't return.

I did enroll after a year or so in a local university and I've been part time there for four years now. Now I'm working full time and going to school. I feel some pressure from my job to finish, and during a stressful period last year, I ended up in the outpatient program at a local hospital. Otherwise, my life is excellent and I'm hopeful about my future with my family and my work.

Things to remember,

1) You're young and you have a long life ahead of you. Don't write off your future just yet. Even if you have to take a different route than you planned, you still have your entire life to achieve your goals. You are not on anyone's schedule but your own.

2) I know it's really hard to reach out to others when you're depressed but that's exactly what you need to help you cope. Do you have a family member or a friend that you can call and share your feelings? Someone who will be supportive and help you solve problems? My sister saved my life when I was in Florida.

3) You have many, many options. They are just harder to see through the fog of depression.

I'm really sorry you have to experience this kind of pain. Know that the pain will stop and you will find joy again. Maybe sooner than later. If I can help at all, please let me know.

Saafir

(((((((( silver ))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time.

I wish that I could offer some good advice.

The only thing I do know...is try to self protect yourself right now...just don't over-extend yourself. Too much negative isn't good. I know that you like to help and be kind cuz it's in your nature, but I'm worried because that depletes you.

You're on my mind and I'm hoping something will come through that maybe you're psychiatrist will be back in soon or you will at least get an answer soon.

please take good care (((Silver)))

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My attendance is really quite low, and I skipped all of my classes today too. Some of my classes I haven;t attended since January; some, before that . At the moment, my motivation is really in the pits.

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Something I picked up from David Burn's book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy." Motivation often FOLLOWS action. If you can convince yourself to get up and start the activity that you are not motivated to do, you'll often find that you get motivated WHILE you are doing it. Little successes build on each other. Take baby steps and don't apologize for them. Try shutting off your computer, brushing your teeth, and going to sit through ONE class. Don't force yourself to take notes, or get there on time, or listen closely. Just make it your goal to attend one class.
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I'm so far behind in my work it's unbelievable (uncompleted coursework since November) but what's worse, I don't have the motivation to even pick up my pen to do the easy work , never mind write 2000-word essays.

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That giant pile of work would be scary to someone who wasn't depressed, of course it's discouraging to you. You CAN'T catch up on all of it today. Pick some small tasks that you know you can finish in an hour [or a half hour] and do those. This is very possible and will probable make you feel a lot better.Don't worry about the giant pile so much. The worse that can happen is that it can all go away.
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I've told my personal tutor ( a kind of teacher we have who we go to about problems with work) about my depression, since he also handled the paperwork when I withdrew last year, but I'm reluctant to tell him the full extent of how I'm doing, and besides, I haven't seen him since before Christmas. talking to people in authority like him scares me... so I don't.

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It sounds like he helped you then, he will probably be helpful now even though you haven't seen him since last year. He probably has seen many students with problems like yours and might have some helpful suggestions.
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it's only in the past few weeks that I have been finally considering seeing a psychiatrist for meds. I've been seeing both my dr and the university counsellor since November. I'm seeing the psychiatrist today. I hope it goes ok.

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These are all good moves. I encourage you to follow through and schedule another appointment with a psychiatrist even though your first one feel through. The meds have helped a lot of people deal with this stuff. ANYTHING you do to help yourself will make you feel more in control.
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Basically I am being overwhelmed with all this stuff. My counsellor warned me from the beginning that she was afraid this would happen, but I didn't have the motivation to complete work then either. Of course, it probably would help me if I stopped coming to this site so much. But even when I'm not here, and I'm bored, I don't start my work. Though I probably should do.

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Being overwhelmed is not fun. I've been there many times. I still deal with those feelings. Even this morning, I've been fighting that kind of a mood. I'll probably have a good day today if I can keep my head above water and stay active. School is tough and there are a lot stress. Trust me, you're not the only first year student dealing with this kind of situation, although yours is probably tougher than some others.

If you suspect that coming to this site so much interferes with your other goals, don't come to the site so much. It's generally a positive place, but if your recovery is suffering from it....
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If I could, I would withdraw from university again and take a year out somewhere, somewhere relaxing - maybe New Zealand, lol. But of course I can't afford it and I would never be allowed to do it. So all I am left with are fantasies and piles of work...

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....or you could cut back on your course load for a year until you catch up, then resume full-time classes

....or you can work something out with your professors to make up the unfinished work over the summer

...or you can take a year off, get a job at the fish market, learn how to juggle, and become a street performer
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Any tips? Any advice? Thanks for any replies.

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Good luck and hang in there silver.

I'd love to hear other folks' suggestions for silver_queen's options. Doesn't she have plenty of options? ;-)

((((((((((((((((Poppet)))))))))))))))) thanks.

I can't stop uni, poppet. not really. this is my second start at it. I can't delay it forever. and besides, the course lasts for four years in total. it would be very hard to do if i attempted to restart it in the future.... and I'm also studying languages, which require constant attention as vocab and grammar etc can quickly and easily be forgotten...

((((((((((Silver))))))))))

You're really so wonderful and you don't deserve to feel this way. I'm always here if you need to talk about this. Maybe we can find a way to get you feeling better again. You sure do deserve it.

Ry

((((((((((((((Eva)))))))))))))))

I agree about the self-protection thing with not helping too much. a few months back I burned out from answering so many posts. this time i'm more careful, and looking to recognize the signs when they come so that i can slacken off if i need to. burning out because of this forum will not do me much good in my real life, i think. thanks for your concern .

((((((((((((((((Ryan)))))))))))))))) thanks for your kindness, care and support

Feynman... I'm not yet ready to answer your posts since you wrote a lot of good stuff and i want to think about what you wrote before I reply. thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed and meaningful response.

You're welcome. I hope something I posted was helpful. If not, I can try again. Best of luck to you. And you are exactly right...only spend time on the forum that is helpful in real life. Your best bet is to be out there solving problems and finding meaning.

All the Best

Saafir

(((((((((((((((SILVER))))))))))))))))))))

I know your hesitant to quit school again. But I'm thinking this might be the best thing right now. I agree with the person who said your mental health is most important. Getting yourself well and back on track is your # 1 priority. Once you can do that, school will be a breeze. I dont see the point in forcing yourself to do something that your heart isnt into right now. That will only depress you further and most likely will show through into your work. I'm sure you dont want that. Sometimes, things dont always go as planned and thats OK. It really is OK. Your whats important here, dont lose sight of that. I know your reluctant to speak with your tutor regarding this issue but you might feel better afterwards, like a big weight has been lifted off your shoulders. This is just my 2 cents.

Thanks, Feynman. I will reply to your responses sometime, when I've had time to gather my thoughts on it...

((((((((((((((jmo))))))))))))))

you say some good stuff there. however, the decision to stay at university is strongly influenced by my dad. i'm the first in the family ever to go to university and he doesn't want me to mess it up. it also doesn't help that he doesn't understand depression... it means i have to hide everything from him. so, even though leaving university isn't a simple decision by any way, my dad's strong stance definitely encourages me to stay. nor does it help that he expects me to get a First, even in my first year exams. A First is the highest grade. I am probably able to do it since I'm good at languages but my depression seems to have taken all my ability away too .

((((((((((((((((((((Silver))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you .

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My attendance is really quite low, and I skipped all of my classes today too. Some of my classes I haven;t attended since January; some, before that . At the moment, my motivation is really in the pits.

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Something I picked up from David Burn's book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy." Motivation often FOLLOWS action. If you can convince yourself to get up and start the activity that you are not motivated to do, you'll often find that you get motivated WHILE you are doing it. Little successes build on each other. Take baby steps and don't apologize for them. Try shutting off your computer, brushing your teeth, and going to sit through ONE class. Don't force yourself to take notes, or get there on time, or listen closely. Just make it your goal to attend one class.

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I'll look out for that book. Thanks. That's a good idea. Some classes I can go to and do nothing, but others I have to contribute to, especially in my German oral class . That's one of the classes I haven't been to since January because I have hated having to speak in German and have the rest of the class listen to me.

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I'm so far behind in my work it's unbelievable (uncompleted coursework since November) but what's worse, I don't have the motivation to even pick up my pen to do the easy work , never mind write 2000-word essays.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">


That giant pile of work would be scary to someone who wasn't depressed, of course it's discouraging to you. You CAN'T catch up on all of it today. Pick some small tasks that you know you can finish in an hour [or a half hour] and do those. This is very possible and will probable make you feel a lot better.Don't worry about the giant pile so much. The worse that can happen is that it can all go away.

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The thing is that there *aren't* that many things that can only be done in an hour or so. I suppose breaking down the task in hand though would help to solve that problem a little.

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I've told my personal tutor ( a kind of teacher we have who we go to about problems with work) about my depression, since he also handled the paperwork when I withdrew last year, but I'm reluctant to tell him the full extent of how I'm doing, and besides, I haven't seen him since before Christmas. talking to people in authority like him scares me... so I don't.

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It sounds like he helped you then, he will probably be helpful now even though you haven't seen him since last year. He probably has seen many students with problems like yours and might have some helpful suggestions.

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Yes, very probably. It's just I don't want to tell him how badly I'm doing at all this because if I do, maybe he'll think that this is happening purely out of laziness on my part. And also, there's going to be a limit on just how much help and advice he can give.

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If I could, I would withdraw from university again and take a year out somewhere, somewhere relaxing - maybe New Zealand, lol. But of course I can't afford it and I would never be allowed to do it. So all I am left with are fantasies and piles of work...

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....or you could cut back on your course load for a year until you catch up, then resume full-time classes

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That's not possible in the way the classes are organised. I have to take all of them, and do the same next year too, and in further years.

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...or you can work something out with your professors to make up the unfinished work over the summer

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Yes, I've thought of that and that's what my counsellor suggested too. I'm not sure just how possible it is, but it's something to look into.

Thanks for all the suggestions, Feynman. Sorry it took so long for me to write back.