[Fuzzybear]

"Woundedness" is not my "identity".

Uh???

Has anyone else been accused of that??

So many of us (all of us I'd guess) have been hurt so much both by those who mean to hurt us, and those who don't.
Its still hurt and it still matters.
WE matter.

Love to all

[Sabrina]

((((Fuzzy))))

[depressedalaskan]

(((((Fuzzybear))))) Can't say that I have.

[Rohag]

Hmmm... I've been accused of various things, and I accuse myself of worse, but no one to my knowledge has told me that "woundedness" is my identity. Were they to do so, it would probably make me sad, and it might also make me laugh at the same time.

Fuzzybear, I can't unsay hurtful words thrown at you. Yet I can offer you affirming words and hugs you can pile on top of the hurtful ones.

Were we able to look to the world beyond the senses, I suspect we'd see a topsy-turvy realm where what was so important in this world would be of little or no account, and among the residents of that realm would be a Royal Personage, beaming care and love - Fuzzybear.

[*freak*]

I think what happens to us doesn't become our identity. It influences it, in many ways, but what we are is not what has been done to us.

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

So many of us (all of us I'd guess) have been hurt so much both by those who mean to hurt us, and those who don't.
Its still hurt and it still matters.
WE matter.

Love to all

SO unbelievably well said.

I've never been accused of it, but I've also hidden alot of depression related stuff from everyone in real life... so instead I get accused of being a "flake", or possibly even of not caring about my friends (though that one no one's said to my face)... I guess its different but I think I can understand what you mean. Many hugs ((((((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))

[Naturefreak]

(((Fuzzybear)))

[Lost71]

((((((((((Fuzzybear))))))))))

[notz]

Fuzzy

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((fuzzybear))))

My dear friend. I cannot take away what others say and do to you, but I can counter their words with words that are true and encouraging. You are a wonderful person who is supportive, encouraging, thoughtful, caring, loving, and is always there for all of us even when you are hurting so much.

So many people say things out of ignorance and out of not having any clue to what they are saying. It is NOT okay for them to do that, but we also cannot stop them. They are going to say things many times that we are not prepared for.

And can we ever really prepare for such words that cut and hurt us?? I think all we can do is something that I learned a long time ago. I set up a chain link fence in my mind. When people threw their hooks (or harmful and hurtful words) at me----they got caught in the fence and it stopped the sting of them hitting me.

I know that probably sounds pretty stupid, but with time, I began to see the fence when I would come around certain people. I also created a funny character that represented the person. When they started in----I just remembered that.

(For example, I made one half donkey/half man. And I made him have an elephant truck, and when he started in----all I could see was that image and the words sounded like a donkey and did not hit me). And actually, I almost laughed thinking about it. And I actually drew the character out so I could see it and the fence.

So, my friend----I do understand what you are saying. I know that you are not what they say. Our fuzzy could not be such. We do hear you and are here for you. Know that we love you always. And send you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[Elysium]

In a sense I have been accused of that. One minute, my family is saying how ungrateful I am of their help and how I need to change and take care of myself and that I need to have faith....

and the next minute they are telling me to "be careful" and that they don't want to see me get screwed. And they say "you know what happens....things get out of hand and then you can't deal with them."

Thanks for the vote of confidence.....

So, on one hand I need to have faith in the world and in myself and I should be grateful to them for all their help, yet on the other hand, they knock me down and do what they can to keep me afraid and dependent on them. Then they talk about me behind my back as if I were some ignoramous who didn't know how to care for myself.

In a way, I feel like this is there way of blaming me for my "woundedness". They perpetuate the pain...they feed it and they break me down and after they're done making me afraid and encouraging me to doubt myself, they tell me to have faith and believe in myself.

It's quite exhausting.

Sorry Fuzzy...it wasn't my intention to high-jack the thread...just wanted to share my experiences and how what you said made sense to me.

[lynn09]

Dear fuzzywuzzybear - Don't you know that when others say things like that to us that they are speaking out of their own "woundedness?" We, all of us here at PC, handle more in 5 minutes than a lot of people do in their entire lifetime. I have been accused of being and doing just about everything imagineable (my bio family is a real hoot!). People speak out of their own fears: some feel impotent because they can't "fix" us and are afraid that they wouldn't be able to "fix" themselves if they ever found themselves in our situations. Some criticize and label us in order to feel superior to us ("At least I'm not as messed up as her/him!"). I could reallllllly get into it here, but the short of it is just this: When others say things like that to you, you need to look very closely at them because their words reveal more about them than they do about you.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by lynn09

Dear fuzzywuzzybear - Don't you know that when others say things like that to us that they are speaking out of their own "woundedness?" We, all of us here at PC, handle more in 5 minutes than a lot of people do in their entire lifetime. I have been accused of being and doing just about everything imagineable (my bio family is a real hoot!). People speak out of their own fears: some feel impotent because they can't "fix" us and are afraid that they wouldn't be able to "fix" themselves if they ever found themselves in our situations. Some criticize and label us in order to feel superior to us ("At least I'm not as messed up as her/him!"). I could reallllllly get into it here, but the short of it is just this: When others say things like that to you, you need to look very closely at them because their words reveal more about them than they do about you.

When others say things like that to you, you need to look very closely at them because their words reveal more about them than they do about you.

Good point - I have always felt this way about others who put people down they are insecure in their own minds. This makes them feel better. Maybe they are sick? Maybe they have an illness? I don't know. But I sure don't like it when others are put down for any reason. We are who we are take it or leave it. Hugs to all.