[tmac87]

How do I know what is normal? Is being severly depressed already normal? For those of you who dont know my situation I will give a little bit of whats going on.
I got pregnant in January of 2009 and had to come off of my mood stabilizer (lithium). So during the pregnancy I started to become extremely depressed and had to do ECT treatments which worked really really well thankfully. So because of my Epilepsy, Chrons Disease, and Major Depressive Disorder I choose to do an open adoption. I am NOT stupid and I know that I couldnt raise a child on my own with little to no support. Well I went in to labor 5 weeks early so NOTHING was in place as far as what anti-depressants to put me on and all that good stuff. So now on Monday I am being transfered to ECMC to figure out what the best treatment will be for me. I did the open adoption because I love my daughter more than anything in the world. So yesterday I surrendered my rights to be her mother so she can go to the parents that I choose with the adoption agency. I am being given Valium 5mgs q8 hours as needed to help keep me stable. It is helping but at the same time I feel so numb when taking the Valium and cannot feel anything. But I feel so outta control when I dont take it. What should I do? Is it wrong to be taking the Valium or is it the right the decision? I really dont know.
So I am angry with myself and hate myself because I got pregnant and cannot even take responsiblity for getting pregnant. I am sad because when I would talk to Kennedy (my daughter) I would tell her that I love her so much and she would open her eyes and smile at me. But I also feel hopeless and helpless and I really dont think that I have the right to be feeling this way. I just do not know what feelings are normal and what feelings arent normal.
IF ANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION OR EVEN KNOWS SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS SITUATION PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. ANY TYPE OF ADVICE RIGHT NOW WOULD BE GREAT AND HELPFUL.

[yo_grandma52]

Originally Posted by tmac87

How do I know what is normal? Is being severly depressed already normal? For those of you who dont know my situation I will give a little bit of whats going on.
I got pregnant in January of 2009 and had to come off of my mood stabilizer (lithium). So during the pregnancy I started to become extremely depressed and had to do ECT treatments which worked really really well thankfully. So because of my Epilepsy, Chrons Disease, and Major Depressive Disorder I choose to do an open adoption. I am NOT stupid and I know that I couldnt raise a child on my own with little to no support. Well I went in to labor 5 weeks early so NOTHING was in place as far as what anti-depressants to put me on and all that good stuff. So now on Monday I am being transfered to ECMC to figure out what the best treatment will be for me. I did the open adoption because I love my daughter more than anything in the world. So yesterday I surrendered my rights to be her mother so she can go to the parents that I choose with the adoption agency. I am being given Valium 5mgs q8 hours as needed to help keep me stable. It is helping but at the same time I feel so numb when taking the Valium and cannot feel anything. But I feel so outta control when I dont take it. What should I do? Is it wrong to be taking the Valium or is it the right the decision? I really dont know.
So I am angry with myself and hate myself because I got pregnant and cannot even take responsiblity for getting pregnant. I am sad because when I would talk to Kennedy (my daughter) I would tell her that I love her so much and she would open her eyes and smile at me. But I also feel hopeless and helpless and I really dont think that I have the right to be feeling this way. I just do not know what feelings are normal and what feelings arent normal.
IF ANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION OR EVEN KNOWS SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS SITUATION PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. ANY TYPE OF ADVICE RIGHT NOW WOULD BE GREAT AND HELPFUL.

I THINK YOUR THINKING WHATS GOOD FOR THE BABY BECAUSE YOUR IN NO SHAPE TO CARE FOR A NEWBORN. THAT IS SO TOTALLY SELFLESS. FEELINGS ARE NOT RIGHT,WRONG, GOOD OR BAD THEY ARE JUST ARE. YOU NEED TO FIND HELP FOR YOU AND GET BETTER. YOU ARE DOING WHATS BEST FOR THE BABY. THATS GREAT GOOD LUCK

[lynn09]

Hi, (((((tmac87))))). I agree with yo_grandma52 - you are acting in the best interest of your daughter - and this is in your best interest, too. You have your hands full dealing with your issues, and caring for a baby would increase your stress a thousandfold which would be bad for you both. As for what are or are not "normal" feelings - you feel what you feel. Some medications affect me the same way, and other medications make me absolutely "manic." You should discuss with your doctor how the Valium is affecting your emotions - perhaps there are other medications available that would help your depression without the negative "numbing" side effect. Also, if you have been taking the Valium for a while, be very careful about skipping doses or stopping it suddenly - it can have a real backlash effect. Let your doctor determine how to taper off the Valium, if necessary. Don't beat up on yourself for getting pregnant - it happened and you have made appropriate provisions for your daughter. Now, it's time to take what you have learned from the experience and move forward with your treatment and life. Please let us know how you are doing.

[lonegael]

You ARE a good mother. You went off your med so she could be healthy, went through ECT so that you wouldn't hurt her with meds, went out of your way to find a good family, and faced the truth about where you were at that point in your life. You wanted better for her, and put that first. There is nothing more responsible than that.
If I went through that, without the depression, I know I would be devastated.Talk to your docot about the Valium and see if you can't find something that doesn't make you so numb. I would expect giving up you little girl to hurt. In my experience this is completely normal when you lose someone you love so much Be nice to yourself!

[justfloating]

I agree with what others have said -- you have been nothing BUT responsible about this pregnancy. You have put your daughter FIRST, before your own personal, emotional and medical needs. You are SO BRAVE!!!

Talk to your doctor about the valium, make sure he/she knows how numb it's making you and ask if that's going to last or if there are alternative meds you might take to stabilize your mood. It might also be a good idea -- if you're not doing it already -- to think about therapy. It might be good for you to talk to someone about how you're feeling -- about yourself, about your pregnancy, about your daughter and about the adoption. Remember that YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. You have been a WONDERFUL mother to that little girl and she is going to have an AMAZING life all because of the decisions YOU made.

Sending lots of hugs to help you through.