[crystalrose]

i'm feeling reall crap at the moment. Don't know why or whats happening. There is too much happening right now and i'm feeling like i want to do self harm. I'm not well. My sister has drain all my energy tonight.she is so needy and clingy. Takes offence to everything. She is pretty down at the moment. She needs more therapy i think but she wont in back.she has been sexually abused by a few people in her childhood and now has extreme problems with relating to people and making friends, she has never had a relationship but obsesses over wanting marriage and children. She finds the topic of sex confronting and thinks sex scenes in mother are gross. I feel that she is always projecting her stuff onto me in the ways she acts. A few people we know just got engaged and another one is pregnant and this has caused her to fall into a depression because she wants it so badly. Its so hard to deal with my own stuff when her stuff is in my face all the time. Its very invasive.

[faustjg]

I understand what you mean, my best freind is the same way. And sometimes I wonder why im her freind because she doesnt even react to my help. She just gets more and more depressed. But its because I love her. I care about her and I know that she does need me cheering her up as much as possible. It may be hard at times but hang in there. You have no idea how much you could be helping her. How much your help means to her. If you feel overwhelmed then find a freind to talk to. Call them or go out with them for lunch and that alone is suprisingly refreshing. But don't give up. You might be the only thing holding her together.

[crystalrose]

no thats too much pressure for me as i have my own mental health difficulties.

[faustjg]

Have you tried talking it out with her? Mabey then she'll understand how it affects you.

[googley]

HUGS.

[opheliasorrow]

Crystalrose it is not selfish to put down boundaries between you and your sister. You both struggle, therefore she must seriously think about seeing a T again and not expect you to bear the brunt of all of her troubles, especially as you struggle yourself. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. You have as much right to peace and healing as your sister. Gently try and tell her this, you must have boundaries, wishing you the best, Ophelia xxx

[lonegael]

((((crystalrose))))) a lot of times people who have been sexually assaulted or otherwise abused as children have difficulties knowing where appropriate boundaries should be. This is because they were never allowed to maintain their own oundaries as children. So it gets to be like all or nothing. I agree with Ophelia. Your sister will not be hurt by you drawing appropriate boundaries, though she might be mad at you Hope that you can find some way to be supportive but not let yourelf get drowned

[Rohag]

Hi, Crystalrose!

Originally Posted by Opheliasorrow

...it is not selfish to put down boundaries between you and your sister.

Originally Posted by Lonegael

...people who have been sexually assaulted or otherwise abused as children have difficulties knowing where appropriate boundaries should be. This is because they were never allowed to maintain their own boundaries as children.

Agreed.

Although in some (few?) cases siblings/friends with problems can be a real support to one another, my experience is the opposite. No matter your relation or the reality of your mutual love, it seems neither of you is the right "therapist" for the other. Both of you deserve a healing environment, and that probably means kindly but firmly establishing the boundaries mentioned in the above posts.

Originally Posted by Faustjg

You have no idea how much you could be helping her.

In the long run, your sister's confidence in your love and concern can greatly help her. In this particular case, love may require you and she maintain sufficient distance so you don't become enmeshed in one another's issues.

Wishing you the best, wishing you both a healthy relationship that will survive crises.

[crystalrose]

its hard because she projects her problems to me, and she comes over all sad and crying but doesn't seek any comfort from anyone. She is really depressed. I'm concerned for her but don't want to be involved. What are some other things that happen as an affect of childhood sex abuse.

[crystalrose]

she wouldn't text me back to when i wanted to help her. She complains when people don't comfort her but when you do she rejects it.

[Briester]

Originally Posted by crystalrose

she wouldn't text me back to when i wanted to help her. She complains when people don't comfort her but when you do she rejects it.

I hate to admit it but I've done the same thing before (and still do on occasion). I'd like comfort from my family but when they try the only way they know how, I push them away thinking at times that it's not genuine or why burden them with trying to help me or some other stupid notion. It just drives them away further. I'm not really sure how to get through to your sister (as I don't know how to help myself and family with it myself) but it's just a manifestation of the illness I think. Sorry I don't have any more pearl of wisdom for you. I know it must be so taxing for you and admire that you still try to help with what you can.

[nowheretorun]

Originally Posted by crystalrose

i'm feeling reall crap at the moment. Don't know why or whats happening. There is too much happening right now and i'm feeling like i want to do self harm. I'm not well. My sister has drain all my energy tonight.she is so needy and clingy. Takes offence to everything. She is pretty down at the moment. She needs more therapy i think but she wont in back.she has been sexually abused by a few people in her childhood and now has extreme problems with relating to people and making friends, she has never had a relationship but obsesses over wanting marriage and children. She finds the topic of sex confronting and thinks sex scenes in mother are gross. I feel that she is always projecting her stuff onto me in the ways she acts. A few people we know just got engaged and another one is pregnant and this has caused her to fall into a depression because she wants it so badly. Its so hard to deal with my own stuff when her stuff is in my face all the time. Its very invasive.

i'm feeling like i want to do self harm.

STOP!
THINK!
CONSIDER!

self harm is not self healing... for just about every problem there is a solution.. harming will not help matters at all...

accept yourself and your feelings for where you are now and wo you are now... think of realistic goals for yourself, ones you can actually achieve..

be real with yourself at all times, even when you are feeling down, find someone with a healthy mind-set who will help you work through your doubts and fears... it takes time, perseverance, positivity, and strength