[Briester]

Hello everyone,

First thanks for the caring words from those who responded to my earlier post. It really did mean a lot to me.

To recap, I started on Prozac at 10mg/day 3 weeks ago tomorrow with instructions to double the dosage which I started doing (20mg) last Wednesday.

This week my wife has taken the baby to see her relatives in another state before she leaves on a long trip out of country. I had things I wanted to accomplish at home and thought it would be a good opportunity but after leaving them at the transit station yesterday I stopped by an auto repair place and found out my car needs at least $800 in repairs and most likely more because they weren't sure about another part's price. That started it again I guess. When I got home I didn't want to do anything so I couched and played a bit of xbox (well it was supposed to be just a little while) and it turned into basically the rest of the afternoon and evening. I didn't feel like getting up or even having dinner which I finally forced myself to make something then went to sleep late, only to have to get up at 4:15 to get ready for work which I'm not that happy with anyway. Now my wasting this time has me feeling like cr*p about myself and I just don't understand how to get motivated to do what I wanted to do.

Now I'm at work then afterwards take my car by and spend more money to get it fixed, then go home to an empty house, after dark. My happiness is not based on them being there at home (as it's hard for me to really remember what it was like to actually be happy). I feel like I should have been happy when the baby was born and I was glad he was there and healthy but primarily worrying about the fact that should have been happy but wasn't really. We didn't even get any help for almost 2 weeks when her sis finally came by from another state and even then she just really wanted to do the tourist thing and I had to run them both all over the place as she doesn't yet drive and we only have 1 vehicle.

Anyway, sorry about the tangent but I really wonder about how people get motivated when they dealing with depression. I feel so tired and sleepy all the time and even when I got to work at 6:30 I thought maybe I should just leave and go home and go to sleep.

Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom they could share? Sorry again about the long, disjointed post.

[pegasus]

Hello Briester!

First of all the meds you are on will take a while longer to truly get in your system, so don't expect any great changes just yet.

I suggest doing little tasks to start off with and then reward yourself for each task done.

You also might find writing a journal helpful where you can keep track of how you are feeling and what you may have accomplished for that day.

Try not to be too hard on yourself.

[Briester]

Thanks Pegasus. I have "considered" a journal, actually I really wanted to when I wanted to and then, when I do have the time, I just can't find the motivation to sit and write. I don't know whether it's just me being lazy, feeling so tired, the depression, or ADD (which I've never been diagnosed with though I've really only mentioned it in passing to the one Dr. I just started seeing but I've ALWAYS felt like I had it as when I do/CAN focus on something, I can really get it done well and quickly...it was like that in studies, I loved the psychology courses and did well be everything else that I didn't have as much interest in I just didn't do well...my early teachers always told my parents how bright I was and I always tested high but did poorly in most courses that really didn't interest me)

Ok, I'm babbling again, sorry.

Prozac helped me a lot when I took it in the early 90s. It does take awhile to build up in your system, though, so be patient. I always thought Prozac was a great antidepressant, but it conked out on me after I had been taking it for 3-4yrs. But in my experience it really works, so good luck with it.

Perhaps you can just enjoy this 'downtime'. You've got the house to yourself! Play your Xbox! Relax and enjoy!

Sounds like you have some big life changes, like having a baby (which it's OK to feel ambivalent about) and that you could use some time to process the events. Can this have happened at a better time? Now you can 'catch up' emotionally.

Hope you can use this time for yourself! Mike

[VickiesPath]

I agree. Take some time. Prozac IS a very good medication. It will take some time, probably a few weeks. But you will begin feeling it work and will feel a lot better and more optimistic, so DO take it easy. If there is nothing pressing to do, then chill out. Put work as your priority but if there is nothing else (except the car) that's really a must-do, then take it easy.

Depression is a very sneaky thing. It takes so much out of us. Don't start beating yourself up because you lack motivation and stuff. It saps all of that. Also, I took Prozac for a number of years before it pooped out on me so don't worry about it quitting on you for a while.

Be easy with yourself.

You're adjusting to some major life changes, like a new baby. Maybe you can use this time to just relax, veg out, and process all of these events. Enjoy the Xbox. Take a break. Life will probably get busy again real soon.

I hesitate to mention this, but I hope your wife and baby aren't gone too, too, long. Sounds like you could use some bonding time with your new son. But I think that it is completely natural for men to feel ambivalence towards a new baby, esp the first. (Don't know if this is your first, just got that impression).

By the way, in my experience Prozac is a great antidepressant. It is one of the only ones that ever had a dramatic effect on my mood. I took it in the early 90s and it worked really well for about 4-5yrs and then conked out. And there are other good meds out today, if this happens to you.

I was just about to quit taking the Prozac when it kicked in. I think I had been taking it for 2-3 months with no effect; then suddenly one day my mood lifted and I felt good for the first time in -- well, really, for the first time in my life.

For whatever it's worth to you, I think that the Prozac and the downtime for you could not have happened at a better time. Relax, adjust, reboot!

But keep in touch with your wife and don't let too much time go by without contact with your baby! Mike

GRRR

I typed out a response, LOST IT, retyped it more or less, and now see the first one posted somehow.

Don't mean to be redundent. Please ignore one or the other of the above mssgs. And this one too. Mike

[pegasus]

Both responses are good cypher!

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by Briester

Thanks Pegasus. I have "considered" a journal, actually I really wanted to when I wanted to and then, when I do have the time, I just can't find the motivation to sit and write. I don't know whether it's just me being lazy, feeling so tired, the depression, or ADD (which I've never been diagnosed with though I've really only mentioned it in passing to the one Dr. I just started seeing but I've ALWAYS felt like I had it as when I do/CAN focus on something, I can really get it done well and quickly...it was like that in studies, I loved the psychology courses and did well be everything else that I didn't have as much interest in I just didn't do well...my early teachers always told my parents how bright I was and I always tested high but did poorly in most courses that really didn't interest me)

Ok, I'm babbling again, sorry.

Give the writing another try, even if it is to just write that you are feeling sad that day. It'll come.

[Briester]

Not redundant at all Mike. Thank you. Yes, it is our fist baby, and probably the only one considering we're both 39 now. She's gone for this week, then back for 1 week, then they're both leaving for India for a month and a week. The weird thing it I thought I'd be happy to have the time to myself, no crying baby (he's 9 months old now) or any other myriad of things that take up my time and now with them gone 1 day I'm really missing them. I don't think about the crying as much as I do high laughter and trying to walk, babbling and smiles.

I'm going to try to take it easy. Maybe I need this time. Now though I'm not sure what I need. After years of being alone and several failed relationships and being glad to get out of them, now I find myself needing these two people in a way that rather scares me. I've always been a bit sensitive by nature but always told by 1 parent that I shouldn't be and that it was more of a female nature and not mine. Confusing as hell to say the least!

[Briester]

I'll do that Pegasus. I know I can force myself to spend some time doing it. I just hope that at some point in time I won't have to force myself. Why is it we seem to always have an excuse for not doing things which could have a positive effect instead of doing that which seems to contribute to the negativity?

[Rohag]

Hi, Briester!

Originally Posted by Briester

I feel like I should have been happy when the baby was born and I was glad he was there and healthy but primarily worrying about the fact that should have been happy but wasn't really.

That's similar to my experience of depression; it robs me of just about all feeling. It's also possible side effects of my med cocktail contribute to "emotional blunting."

Originally Posted by Briester

I really wonder about how people get motivated when they dealing with depression.

I wonder the same thing, even going through it myself.

Looking back on my final couple years of employment, I was running on empty. In hindsight, I managed to function and actually accomplish a few things without any self-confidence and zero motivation. My best guesses as to how I was able to go on involve

• reliance on routine and inertia (and functional dissociation?),
• taking advantage of help, and
• coffee in the mornings (only).

Here's another place Pegasus' journaling idea may help. It might be useful for you to attempt to view yourself from the third person and try to analyze how you actually manage to get through each day. Through trial and error you may be able to expand your "bag of functioning tricks."

Wishing you more success than you think you can attain!

PS: Enjoy your family when they're around. Enjoy the games, too.

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by Briester

I feel like I should have been happy when the baby was born and I was glad he was there and healthy but primarily worrying about the fact that should have been happy but wasn't really.

Major procrastinator myself - no suggestions for that but one comment:

It is commonly thought that having children will make us happy. I read an article once that explained how far from true that is. We delight in our children and love them dearly but they do not make us happy. They are stressors that we have to worry about and put lots of our energy into raising them. The study I read said that parents are happier when their children are grown. The little beasts require lots of effort, attention, money and lost sleep. Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but I am looking forward to the day when he will be self sufficient.