[mj14]

I have been taught the usual techniques for "talking back" to the negative thoughts that often run through my head. The problem is, this often just sets up an argument in my head, with one part saying the negative thing, and the other part saying that it's not true. And it seems that no matter how long I use these techniques, the negative thoughts keep coming back.

Can these negative thoughts that seem so ingrained in my brain ever go away? Or am I destined to have this internal war forever? It gets so tiring to think that the rest of my life will require constant vigilance and mental battles to keep going.

mj

[kvinneakt]

Wow! Do I relate to that. I have read books, attended seminars, therapy, religion, etc for the past 30 years to learn to replace my wrong thinking with right thinking.

You know what?

FCK IT!

It ain't me, Babe. I am simply not destined to be Polyanna and live a life of happy thoughts. I would rather be the true me, sometimes a basket case, than to fake it with "healthy" attitude infusions. You can't teach pigs to sing.

It is like trying to not think about pink elephants. The more you work on it, the stronger it gets.

Over the past few months I have devised my own method of coping with negative thinking. Just let them be. Just observe and let them run their course. It is turning out to be just about as good as any "technique". The negative thoughts run their course and I am not exhausted by trying to "battle" them.

[Peanut61]

Hi (((((((((((((MJ)))))))))))))): All I can do when this happens to me is try to distract myself somehow. I come here, or play bookworm, or watch TV, but when my ability to concentrate is really compromised, sometimes I just try to escape into sleep. If there is particular content to the dialoge, I sometimes am able to stuff the whole conversation into an imaginary box and put it away until another time, and focus on something else. Sometimes it doesn't work, but, thank Heavens, sometimes it does. HUGS for you, MJ! Your friend, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT </font color=blue>

[nowheretorun]

((((((((((((((((mj)))))))))))))))

First off, I guess I wonder why you term the thoughts "negative"? Is it possible that labeling them negative adds to your "negative" response to them? In other words... What if you just called them "my thoughts"? Would they lose some aspect of darkness for you?

Second, I wonder what these thoughts are.... if it's a pro/con type dialogue, it sounds like good reasoning skills; if it's more like pretty/ugly conflict... is there any way to find beauty in the "ugly" side? Many apparant negatives are blessings in disguise. A toad is not beautiful, but I love 'em, they eat mosquito's.

Third, are your negative thoughts trying to tell you something? Maybe "be cautious", or reminding you of previous struggles? Self-protecting you? Honor thier presence, but you do't have to take orders from them.

I think Kv said something to consider... accept the thoughts, don't fight them, acknowledge them, then remind yourself also of the positive, you're free to choose which you respond to, or maybe a mix of the two....

Take care sweetie..... I hope you start to feel better soon

((((((((((( mj )))))))))))

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[heidu]

I rarely ever win over the negatives. Trying to think something positive instead doesn't seem to help because what I am feeling is the negative and I can't seem to fool myself.
I usually let it run it's course. fighting only causes exhaustion like you said and that just makes it worse. If I let myself just feel it, it will generally pass or not feel so bad. Coming here and talking about it helps (for example this last weekend).
Hugs Mj
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{{Mj}}}}}}}}}}

You are getting such wonderful thoughts and I especially liked nowhere's post to you about the labelling of the negatives. That is great advice.

What also worked with me was replacing the thoughts....when the what if's popped in my mind and stayed there for a while...I would counter those with so what's. Everytime the inner dialogue turned to "what if I lose control" I would turn the thought around to " so what if I lose control - what is the worse that could happen? It gave me more control over my thoughts instead of the thoughts racing through my mind without direction.

Take care




Heather

[ErinBear]

Hi mj14,

I'm having problems with negative thoughts...and memories...and I usually find distraction works better than anything else, too. I do things like go for a walk while listening to music (trying to "jam the airwaves" in my mind as it were), do laundry, clean my apartment, write letters to friends, do crafts, get on the internet, watch television...just about anything I can think up. Sometimes I call a friend or do instant messaging, and I don't talk about what's worrying me - just talk about other things, anything. I also write and journal, and sometimes then I do write about what is troubling me, when nothing else is working...and try to get it out of my system. Sometimes that helps. I am a pianist and sometimes playing piano helps....or listening to recorded music that fits my mood, too. Anyway, those are some ideas that have helped me. I'm sorry this isn't such a good time for you. My thoughts are with you!

Take care,
ErinBear

[Fuzzybear]

I can relate to this a lot mj. I find that distraction sometimes helps to calm down the battle/argument. The internet and nature can be good but housework is not (too boring). For me, music is often helpful, including playing the piano (snap ErinBear!!). My shrink specifically recommended music to me...

You've had some great ideas from the others and I hope you feel better soon hun,

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{mj}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Take care,
Fuzzy
xxx

[happysoul]

I must say I agree with Kvinn...let the negative thoughts be... Not everyone can push the negative thoughts away..especially when they are combined with physical symptoms....... know that this too shall pass and just pray that it comes speedily.

I am walking on the bridge, I am over the water and I'm scared as hell, but I know theres something better..yes I know there's something better -- Paula Cole

[mj14]

Thanks to everyone for your replies. The negative thought I have trouble with is goes something along the lines of "I am an awful horrible person, and I deserve nothing good." The thing is, I "know" that this is not true, but the thought is always in my head.

I have spent years not really arguing with this thought...I wasn't really depressed about it, because the thought in my head was more like, "look at all these great things that I have had in my life, even though I am an awful horrible person and deserve none of them...gee, I am really lucky." I figure if it has stuck around for this long, it's not going away all on it's own. And the problem is, when I need to do something to direct my own life, or try to get what I want, I am often thwarted by this thought. I mean, it's hard to ask for what you want, when you feel like you deserve nothing.

Distracting myself helps sometimes, but it always comes back. I'm just getting tired of it always coming back.

One thing I'm working on right now is, I've printed up some affirmations, and put them where I can't help but see them...to read and say these things ten or twenty times a day is actually helping some.

Anyway, thanks for all your suggestions...I appreciate them all, and I'm gonna keep them all in mind.

*hugs* to all! : )
mj

[nowheretorun]

((((((((((((( mj )))))))))))))

Glad you found something that helps I've used those affirmations too... they're pretty cool

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[heidu]

Mj,
One thing is certain. You are not an awful, horrible person.
If you have good things in your life then you are lucky but I highly doubt you don't deserve any of them. I bet you had alot to do with those good things being in your life. For most of us good things don't just happen, we make them happen by being who we are and doing what we do.
Big hugs!!
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

[bptoo]

Hey mj,

I just wanted to add that we are our own worst critics, and we can be so terribly hard on ourselves.

What I remember about you, and always will, is how quickly you befriended me here. You show support and caring, and you shoot straight from the hip when you know I need it. I know when I hear from you, there will be a lot of love behind your words. A horrible, awful person wouldn't care about what happens to me, or any of the others here. You have my love and admiration for what you do for others, and for what you've done for yourself.

Rather than getting upset when I feel the way you describe here, I try to look at myself as a work in progress. It helps to think that someday I'll arrive. I think about you like an unfinished symphony. Not quite done yet, but the music is very beautiful.

Thanks for being a good friend.

xxoo,
bp

I will sail my vessel,
Til the river runs dry,
Like a bird upon the wind,
These waters are my sky,
I'll never reach my destination,
If I never try,
So I will sail my vessel,
Til the river runs dry.

[mj14]

heidu and beep,

Thanks for your kind words. It sure does help quiet those thoughts to have this place, where I get so much support.

bptoo, your statement about an unfinished symphony was just about the nicest thing I've ever heard. You have been such a dear friend, since the day I came here...you are truly a wonderful person.

*hugs*
mj