[Wants2Fly]

I'm not as seriously depressed as I was a year ago.

I was working with a spiritual counselor on my poor relationship with my brother (I'm going to write a bit about that in the relationships forum), and how I just don't want men in my life beyond a certain point. I do not want to be vulnerable to them. I can get along with them in social ways, but crossing the brick wall boundary is out of the question.

She said, "That is hopelessness talking."

I'd thought I was hiding my feelings of hopelessness pretty well. I just don't see much chance of me or my life changing. I see myself as old and washed up. The best advice therapists seem to be able to give me is to accept diminishment in all areas of life -- health, finances, achievement, sexual intimacy -- and make the best of it.

So I do my best to do that, now that I am done freaking out for the time being.

I carry on, shoulder to the wheel, nose to the grindstone, the family work ethic, because I wasn't able to enact the great final solution and don't see that I would ever be able to, so that's all there is -- one prays and accepts, or at least resigns oneself.

I look at all the motivational books and programs that used to fire me up and now I think, "Snake oil."

So, please, I'm not feeling especially bad.
But there is this underlying feeling of hopeless.

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((((( w2f )))))))))))))))

happy birthday, btw

[(JD)]

((((W2F))) it's your birthday???

Yes I hear you... snake oil... is for snakes!

Ok so if you find your shoulder or nose hurting, you know why.

How do you know you aren't as depressed... from the surveys here, comparison? Or from your T? My T says I tend to be better than my average from past... (those are my words I can't recall his exactly.) I can't feel better, and he knows I'm still feeling like I'm not better. (So if this is subjective, how come we have to go by HIS subjective thoughts and not mine, I mean, I am the one feeling them!) Oops sorry

[Nerak]

(((((((((((((Wants))))))))))))

[nightdream]

Hi,

Maybe I'm not following you on this post and maybe I will be completally out of line here but I'm going to try to reply anyway. Please keep in mind that I am in a down pit too.

If I understand correctly you have been disapointed and hurt and now you don't want to put any of your hope up. You don't want to be disapointed again and I don't blame you.

The goals or dreams you had before are now gone. You did fight very well to achieved them and you did good. But now, maybe you should direct your life in a different direction. The goals you had are not important anymore and you need new ones. Some that will fit who you are now and where you stand.

After the life of 50 years old, life doesn't have to be boring and without goals or dreams. There is still a lot of things you can do, a lot of things to learn, a lot of people to meet, a lot of love to give, new friends, a new you.

I know you have been hurt, disapointed, rejected, backstabbed and I'm so sorry. Hopelessness comes with this hurt in your heart.

You still have a lot to give, a lot to share, a lot to recieve. You are a wonderful person. You need to find yourself another goal or dream. Try to direct this thought towards something new.

Many hugs to you and much love!
nightdream

[Wants2Fly]

Thank you, Nightdream. I know, intellectually, that what you say is true. Yet, somehow, I've gotten stuck in the hurt. And low energy, muscle aches that prevent activity such as regular lap swimming, long walks, not getting as much done, is a continual reminder of what's gone.

Sky, I took the depression quiz. A score where I'd gone down 2 points was wiped out. Now I'm up 10 points from where I was when I first took the quiz. It's in the highest category. So I guess showers, wearing clean clothes, eating, and working camouflage, rather than cure, underlying angst. Or whatever the heck this underlying crud is.

i wish i could come over, with sour cream cookies and green tea, and we'd kick back and just let it flow...or if you'd rather have a vodka tonic, with lime, we can do that.....xoxoxo pat

[Wants2Fly]

Thanks, you sweet cowgirl, you.

[Hope4me2]

I feel bad because I FAILED everything on that list..........I have done NOTHING on that list for a LONG time now..........ugh........but so HAPPY that you are able too..........good for you....
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wants2fly}}}}}}}}}}
Happy Belated Birthday so sorry I missed it...
take care

[Wants2Fly]

Bumpity bump -- Still struggling with this -- need more -- hope it's okay to ask ---

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((((((Wants2Fly))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Schatze]

((((((((((((((((((hugz)))))))))))))))))))))))

Sorry you're feeling this way today. You're not old or washed up...your priorities might have changed, but I would bet you've still got some goals and dreams in you.

Missi

[somebodyelse]

<font color="red"> ((((((Wants2fly)))))) </font>

[Wants2Fly]

Thank you, Fuzzybear, Schatze, and somebody else. I appreciate your hugs. I've been too busy today to dwell on my moods or emotions, and that's a good thing.

[dalila]

<font color="green"> Hugs to you wants you deserve to fly and I believe in fake it till you make it. Right now I have to get back to the faking cos that huge thud you heard last week was me. What a crash, sigh.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wants to Fly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</font>

[cat_eye]

Wow, you're reading my mind! Yeah, I look at things that used to get me pumped up and motivated to get better, and they don't seem as great as they were at the moment. I know how the hopelessness thing goes. Here's a parting hug:

(((((((((((((((((fly)))))))))))))))))

[(JD)]

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) for all of you!

Yes dalila... fake it till you make it.... short way to say what really does happen within the brain.... we can change things... but somethings take longer than others...

[Wants2Fly]

Thank you for sharing, Dalila, cat_eye, and Sky. I am reading the responses hungrily.

you aren't old and washed up. i'm older than you. you're having an especially hard time right now. your mom is ill, your work situation isn't what you wish it could be, you don't have a dog but you have a lot more than most.......you're smart and doggone it, people like you!!

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Wants2Fly))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Your a wonderful person. One more thing you can add to that list is the love, support and advice you give people here. We count on you as the "Wise One". Hang it there. We are here for ya.

[Hope4me2]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[Wants2Fly]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Hang in there............YEAH and I am one of those people that LIKE you....You have been a BIG help to me in times of NEED and lately there has been plenty of them....so take care dear friend and hang in there....{{{{{{{{LOVE}}}}}}}}} and {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}