Distressed!!

larakeziah · Oct 30, 2009, 08:08 AM

Oh no! I'm so distressed! I had an appointment today wi the pdoc to discuss the voices in my head an i couldn't sleep all night! I finally fell asleep at 8 am an then i over slept! Had to rearrange appointment for next wed! I'm so annoyed an distressed i feel sick! An all i wanna do now is hurt myself! I really wanted them sorted! (The voices!) An now cos i'm so stupid i have to wait an i don't know how much longer i can hold on! I don't know what to do! :-(

Berries · Oct 30, 2009, 08:14 AM

Breathe. In and out slowly and deeply.

Things will get sorted out, just on Wed not today.

You don't have to hurt yourself if you don't want to.

If the voices get bad, Do something to distract yourself. Call someone. A friend, a family member you get along with. Just to chat. Go see a movie. Get on Chat here. Whatever. Just try and distract yourself.

larakeziah · Oct 30, 2009, 08:38 AM

I'm on my way to work but i don't think i'm gonna be able to cope! I feel so sick an si urges are so bad! I just want the voices gone and i feel like so bad! I have to work all weekend too! I i jus want to cry but if i do i don't think i'll stop! I'm so useless i can't even get up on time! Thanks for the post an the concern. I'll do my best not to hurt myself but there is not much hope in my life! Thanks again

Briester · Oct 30, 2009, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by larakeziah

I'm on my way to work but i don't think i'm gonna be able to cope! I feel so sick an si urges are so bad! I just want the voices gone and i feel like so bad! I have to work all weekend too! I i jus want to cry but if i do i don't think i'll stop! I'm so useless i can't even get up on time! Thanks for the post an the concern. I'll do my best not to hurt myself but there is not much hope in my life! Thanks again

You have beauty because you are alive and sensitive and in pain dear. I know you have to work all weekend but maybe that will take some of the thoughts away, if even for a short time. You're NOT useless, everyone oversleeps. The other day I did it myself because I really didn't feel like getting out of bed, I purposely decided to go in late and I didn't care that nobody knew or if I had "permission" to. I did it for myself and that's all the permission I needed to do. You're tired and the stress is taxing.

lonegael · Oct 30, 2009, 08:47 AM

(((((Lara))))) Berries is right. Just feep breathing in and out and listen to how your heartbeat changes speed with the breathing. You needed some extra sleep. And? I'm sure this is not the first time that your therapsit has had this happen and it won't be the last. Just because you feel like you need to SI doesn't mean that you have to. Everytime that you feel that you are going to, start concentrating on your breathing again and remember that no, you don't HAVE to hurt yourself. You're dissappointed with yourself, dear, but you did't do anything worth hurting yourself over. You can handle this

larakeziah · Oct 30, 2009, 09:08 AM

Thank you all for your kind words an thoughts but its jus no good! Work is stressful enough as it is with out this! I barely am able to hold my self together on a good day! Everythin is jus hopeless! i'm so scared an confused an can't think straight! They jus won't go!

tryingtobeme · Oct 30, 2009, 09:13 AM

((((((((((((((((((larakeziah))))))))))))) Please do take good care of yourself. I think if you are really stuggling which it sounds like you are, I would call the pdoc back and let them know just how you are feeling. Do you have a T also. If you do, maybe they could help you? other than that, I agree with Berries on being with friends, going shopping, distracting yourself. Could you also maybe have someone stay with you a few days. This way they can help when you feel that urge of wanting to hurt yourself.

Not sure if any of this helps, but please try to be good to yourself. I know that is hard when you are feeling that way, but remember we do care here, and even it helps by posting here, post has much as what you need to. Take care.

Briester · Oct 30, 2009, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by larakeziah

Thank you all for your kind words an thoughts but its jus no good! Work is stressful enough as it is with out this! I barely am able to hold my self together on a good day! Everythin is jus hopeless! i'm so scared an confused an can't think straight! They jus won't go!

It's not hopeless dear and neither are YOU! I can feel your fear and confusion now and wish I could do something, ANYTHING to help you through this time. Unfortunately I'm on the other side of the Atlantic and all I can offer my my compassion and care. Please don't do anything to yourself. Remember yesterday when you were stressed out but not as bad as you are today. Think of the voices as irritating flatmates. They may help pay the rent or mortgage and they're annoying as h*** sometimes but you can deal with them because they're not YOU. It's a manifestation of the illness that's causing them to act like they're part or and separate from you at the same time.

Sending you a big virtually hugggggg (((((((Lara))))))))

Chris

Berries · Oct 30, 2009, 09:29 AM

((((((((((larakeziah))))))))))

Hang in there lara. Be gentle with youself. Keep remembering: You don't have to SI if you don't want to. No matter what the voices say.

Sending you hugs

...

lonegael · Oct 30, 2009, 09:30 AM

((((((((LARA))))))))!!! Briester has a good post. The voices aren't going to hurt you, even though they say stupid, nasty things. You can tell them if they don't shut up I will come and be annoying and manicky all over them

Or worse, I will sic my voices on yours (I just never know what they are saying, actually)

At the risk of being nonchalant. I just want you to know that Missing an appointment does not make you bad or worthlless or punishable. Pelase believe me

larakeziah · Oct 30, 2009, 09:59 AM

Thank you all! Have to work now. Will try my best! Thanks again i really appreciate the care an time taken to read my posts! Hugs to you all! I hope i can help you all one day! x

Briester · Oct 30, 2009, 10:01 AM

Trying to do our best is all we really can do. Just being here and communicating, you've done something for me. I hope the day outside of yourself goes smoothly and doesn't add any extra burden for you.

(try to) Be well..

complic8d · Oct 30, 2009, 11:35 AM

((((((((((lara)))))))))))

Glad you are reaching out. We are all here for you. We'll help you get through the long week ahead. Take care.

Rohag · Oct 30, 2009, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by larakeziah

...i couldn't sleep all night! I finally fell asleep at 8 am an then i over slept!

No sleep until 8 am (!) and then you oversleep your appointment. Sounds reasonable to me (I'm sensitive to sleep issues).

Quote:

Originally Posted by larakeziah

...now cos i'm so stupid...

Here's where I get confused. Had you said, "Now, because I was unable to sleep...", I would have kept on reading without stumbling.

LaraKeziah, long ago I learned it's rarely useful to argue with another's feelings. I recognize and accept you feel "stupid" for oversleeping. I understand, as a result of oversleeping, you will have to exercise more patience than you hoped regarding the mystery of your voices. I hope you can understand that I in no way see you as "stupid". Your unconscious mind and body took over and inconvenienced you. Who knows - maybe venturing out into the world in the stupor of hyperfatigue would have ended in tragedy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complic8d

We are all here for you. We'll help you get through the long week ahead.

Hear, hear!

larakeziah · Oct 30, 2009, 05:53 PM

Thank you all so much!!! I managed to get thru my shift at work just and am home now and I don't t hink i am able to stop myself from hurting myself!!!

I have taken a sleeping tablet so i'm hoping it works and i sleep. i just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. i don't see the point anymore!!!

thank you all for ur time!!!!

Berries · Oct 30, 2009, 06:16 PM

((((((((((larakeziah))))))))))

I'm sorry you feel so bad.

Fuzzybear · Oct 30, 2009, 10:29 PM

Briester · Oct 30, 2009, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by larakeziah

Thank you all so much!!! I managed to get thru my shift at work just and am home now and I don't t hink i am able to stop myself from hurting myself!!!

I have taken a sleeping tablet so i'm hoping it works and i sleep. i just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. i don't see the point anymore!!!

thank you all for ur time!!!!

You know how special you are Lara. Try not to give in. People love and care about you.

googley · Oct 31, 2009, 12:03 AM

(((((((Lara)))))))

I hope you wake up in the morning and feel better. If you need it please ask for help again. We are here to support you. Also know that you are not the only one who has slept through a Pdoc appointment! I did it too. Could you call your Pdoc and let him/her know about how the voices are bothering you? Take care.

lonegael · Oct 31, 2009, 06:13 AM

Lara? Good morning?! How are you today, dear? Hugs to start you off (or send you to bed as the case may be

larakeziah · Oct 31, 2009, 08:04 AM

Hi all. Today i'm feeling really depressed. I've had to get up as i have work! I'm on my way there now. Don't no if i'm gonna be able to cope till the end of my shift but i'll try my best!
Jus want to hide out in my bed! Thank you all for your kind posts an concern! I really appreciate it!!

Briester · Oct 31, 2009, 08:32 AM

Just the very fact you're able to get to work shows you have more strength than you might even believe about yourself my friend. Focus on that strength and know we're all here for you. Big

and know you're