[darkpurplesecrets]

Here it is almost 11:30 pm Friday and we are not doing too well. This time is not okay. We are feeling very afraid and memories are flooding within. Trying to breathe but finding it very hard. Crying out in silence wishing someone could hear us yet shutting up so tightly that we can barely write this.

We want to reach out yet something within stops us short. Stops this heart from asking. Nothing really uttering from our lips but within is a raging volume no one can hear. Lost as though we were grains of sand. Reaching out yet finding no one. Crying yet no tears dare to fall.

Sometimes feeling as though we wish it would all stop and we would just disappear. That this time and memories would shut off. Afraid to be here yet needing someone to know we are here. Nothing feels right, nothing. And within trying so hard to find even an ounce of peace. Somewhere.

Our mouth moving in the motion of help yet no sound utters to leave our lips. Screaming from the farthest reaches of our minds yet echoing back nothing. For no one is here. No one can take this from us. Our minds wondering will this ever end?

Sleepless nights, eyes burn from tears that fall silently within, and a heart that is broken in a million pieces. Will it ever be able to be put back together? Will time ever move on or will this nightmare continue. Looking at the clock, we see every hour. Weary from it all----trying to be strong so no one knows.

Can you hear us? Do we make any sense? Hours tick away, the light of day will come. Yet where will our heart be? Tomorrow will come and another fear will rise. Others do not fear this time and we find ourselves alone. Do we dare reach for help? Would anyone hear us? How strong is strong? For our strength is fading.

Hold on another day, but our heart cries and words that fill our mind cannot seem to find their way to this screen. For even though another month comes, does not stop what is gripping our heart. And we cry silently alone except this still small voice----that is fading with every word.

I know others here are feeling many of the same things and our heart goes out to you. But within we are shutting down, finding it hard to push another key.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
..........................................................................

...

[outoftowner]

You speak for a lot of people. I appear to be calm on the outside, but inside I'm SCREAMING for help.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( dps ))))))))))))))))

[opheliasorrow]

Please know though I may be miles away I am also awake and thinking of you. You are safe now, you may not feel safe but try and tell yourself that no one can harm you in any way. This is now, the present and you are safe sweetie. I do understand how you're feeling, truly I do. Is there anything that you enjoy doing that would take your mind off these thoughts? maybe watching a favourite feel good movie? Chatting here? Maybe listen to a relaxing tape? You are safe - nothing and noone can hurt you now sweetie. Sending gentle hugs but only if that's ok ... Kerry xx

[idontknow13]

((((((DPS))))))
So sorry you are feeling so bad
You are in my thoughts and I will sit with you if you want

[googley]

(((((((DPS))))))))

I hear you!

[darkpurplesecrets]

(((((fuzzy, ophelia, idontknow13, googley))))

no words but thank you. just----.

love you all.

---

[idontknow13]

((((((DPS)))))
I hope tomorrow is better

[Berries]

(((((((((((DPS)))))))))))

I'm sorry. Thank you for posting. I hope it helped. I am thinking of you.
Wishing you peace and strength.

[silentandscared]

{{{{{{{{{{{{ DarkPurpleSecrets }}}}}}}}}}}}}

we hear you loud and clear and we are all sitting there with you, gentle reminders that you are here now with us, you are safe, memories are distroying but hunny they are just that memories of all the bad and when they flood in we are constantly drawn to those times. But today you are here, those memories are another day and today you are safe.
try to do some things that are comforting to you , keep yourself warm, snuggle with a blanket, wrap yourself up and hold and comfort.
I', so glad that you came to write, you reached out and we will respond, we are with you in spirit sitting with you as you walk these dark and painful memories. YOU are not alone..................... when the gentle breeze blows and you feel it on your face ......l am there, when the sun shines on your face......l am there......feel me there walking with you lifting you so you dont fall and holding you up when your knees are weak.
Know we are there with you, we care, and we love you very much. Take gentle gentle care of you right now, dont be too hard on you...............stay safe and keep writing. PM me if you need to talk.....ok

Mandyxxgentle hugs my friend

[lonegael]

((((((DPS)))))) It's a hard time for a lot of people with bad memories. Opheliasorrow is right. You are now, and safe, and the memories are scary but they are not there now. They can't hurt you, but how you respond to them is another matter. Scared and silent has some really good advice. Be nice to yourself. Cuddle down and make it a time to spoil yourself. The sun will be up soon, and things will be a lot easier then

[darkpurplesecrets]

(((((Thank you all ))))

Thank you all for your support and your words of encouragement. I wish I could say things were better. I have to say that I am feeling very overwhelmed. If it could just be true that this is something of the past. Something not happening now. But truth be known it is not over.

I have been living a nightmare for years. It has now come back to haunt me. Only the nightmare is real not a dream. I am scared and I am lost. I feel trapped and overwhelmed with emotions I cannot even begin to express.

I have lost so much time. And things just do not make sense. So much is happening within and without. I cannot sleep or eat. My nerves are shot and I find no rest. My eyes burn from tears that will not fall. There are no meds that can help with what is going on. I do not even understand what is happening.

I cannot think or concentrate. The others within are trying so hard to pick up the pieces that I cannot seem to gather. Words still do not come and frustration at not being able to put into words what I need to say. I feel alone and like no one can reach me. I feel no one can hear me and what I am trying so desperately to say.

I find myself thinking things that are not really my thoughts nor do I know how to stop them. I am fighting and trying but it feels as though I am being pulled under in quick sand. I am screaming help but no one can hear. As it is silently echoing back. And it is not anyone's fault. For I know not what to really say when I do not understand it myself.

Somehow I wish someone could read what it is I am not saying. But how can they when I do not even know how to say it. Everyday it takes all I have to walk another step. I am shutting down and I am scared. I know this does not really make any sense. And I am sorry. I am trying...........

I better go as I feel I am not worthy of even being here and I am sorry I have not really said anything yet I have said it all.

............

Hello darksecrects

Stuffed in box and no way out.......

Afraid of what is out there.......

Thinking it might be as bad as the past....

knowing not what to do, go, .....

and do it why, for what

The tears are so blocked from the confusion of pain - they cannot release

So the tears also stay in that box too

Can you peek out...

If you peek and it doesn't feel right

You can again close the box

But every once in a while.... peek

With each peek you will feel your boundries opening up - just a wee peek at a time

Visual and feel

The mind has so much in it... It is turning so fast like gears in a machine...

So first try to quiet the mind,
focus on one thing
Try not to let the other thoughts 't'ry to confuse you -
The will each get their turn, when the turn is right.

[Briester]

(((((DPS)))))

My dear friend. Take hold of my hand. I will not let you fall or sink. You do so much for so many people and your words mean more than you could ever know. You really are a wonderful spirit and I'm very happy to have met you.

I know somewhat of how you feel, though I haven't experienced what caused this for you. Sometimes it just seems like we're slipping away, going numb, falling back behind our walls in trying to protect ourselves, only we don't know who we are enough to know how to keep us safe. It is so hard at times and we always seem to want/have to keep a good face so others never know of our pain. Why should we burden them with it? I feel this way at times and then I realize, we humans really are here to love and care for one another. In early history, we foraged and hunted together so our family units would live. If one person was injured, the others would help. As our lives have become more complicated and people are kept apart by non-natural political, religious, cultural, racial, socio-economic boundaries, we've lost many of the things we once had that allowed our species to survive and propagate.

I know how it feels to want to cry and the tears don't fall outside but inside you feel empty and the soul weeps for you being the happy person you may have been as a child or in a recollection of a fleeting moment when things seemed right with the world. So many of us (though myself not included) had the innocence and joy of childhood ripped from us by other sick individuals. Unfortunately there is nothing that can bring back that innocence and wonder and happiness but we can try to find little bits of that in our daily lives. Do you remember how you felt when you saw a butterfly or flower for the first time. How did the roses smell? How did you feel when you wore your first cute dress? How were Halloween costumes? Later on how did you feel when you saw each of your children's faces for the very first time? When they put their heads to your chest and fell asleep? I hope the questions are not too personal and I asked them not for a response, but for a gently loving reminder to recall them for yourself my friend. Try to get that magic back if only for a moment and I believe you will feel your heart lift and out of the mud, a lotus blossom will arise.

There is a quote that I really love and it's from a movie of all places but it goes:

But I hope most of all that you understand that even though I will never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.

You are never alone even in the darkest of times DPS. My heart shall always been with you and every single one of those here on this site I've met, those I haven't met, and every other being in this world who suffers. I weep for you all in the hopes that it takes your tears away so you can have a simple smile.

Be well my dear and hugs if you don't mind.

Chris

[lonegael]

I wish I could sit beside you in that dark, just so that you wouldn't have to be alone. I wish I could take away all that harm and hurt with a touch of my hand, say "let there be light " and send the shadows into flight. I wish I could do something so easy and so simple as to reach out and hug you (if wanted). There's a lot more I wish, because I remember that darkness so well myself, or at leasst my version of it. I am going to have to try to be part of newer, happier memories, I guess. If tha's ok, it sounds like work I would like to do <Take excellent car of yourself DPS and don't ever think you have to perform to post. You wrote enough, no matter how much it might be