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#1
Nov 03, 2009, 10:27 AM
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When someone, anyone, rejects me in any way, it hurts so much and for so long.
It seems like I've had so many people reject me lately in one way or another and it makes my heart ache. My father, my one irl friend from far away, 3 PC friends, my T... Why can't I just make it not matter? Why can't I just let it go?
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I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF [center][b][color=#92d050][font=Verdana] |
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#2
Nov 03, 2009, 10:34 AM
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   (((Berries)))
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 Berries
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#3
Nov 03, 2009, 10:37 AM
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((((((((((((((((Berries)))))))))))))))
I am so sorry you are in this much hurt and pain. You don't deserve to feel this way from anyone. I hope you can find some comfort here at PC with all your friends. Post more if you can. Take care of yourself. |
| Berries
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#4
Nov 03, 2009, 11:23 AM
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(((Berries))))))) i have been in the place you are, feeling like nothing good has ever happened, will ever happen and it went on endlessly, when it seemed like things might change, there would be a back spin and i'd find myself back in the same place again, feeling a deep sadness that things are the way they are and so many times i felt like the way things were set up, there was no way to succeed, that every attempt was so much energy on my part and so easily shot down by 'them'
depression is tough and we fear that we can never overcome and we need help, a lot of help... thankfully for me (and i hope it can be for you too) people didnt give up on me, people thought the best of me (in most cases) people gave me another chance... it made a difference that i kept trying, kept thinking that i would one day climb out of the dark place i was in... peoples friendliness even when i was down, from random strangers, kept my head above water... it was tough and we've just got to be tougher.... sending you hope and strength... when we are depressed we have to be careful and mindful of what we allow our minds to focus on, and who we spend our time with... see if you can attach yourself to others who believe in healing... co-miserating is at first a welcome sight, to know we are not alone and it gives us strength and validation when we find others who feel like us... depression in a group can become like a huge tar pit... we unintentionally encourage each other to stay down when the focus is how wrong and awful everything is around us... we need to find an inner strength and we reach out to someone or something that seems to have the strength we are lacking... we remove ourselves from the sinking spiral of co-misery when we learn to encourage and use our own tests as lessons in overcoming... each day you breathe is a success.. be careful Berries with who and what you surround yourself with.. sensory data input is no small factor in overcoming depression.. that which we surround ourself with, eventually we will become... choose your past-times and associates well... the influence of the positive works as equally as the influence of the negative.... its so simple and still so hard.... choose good things and only good things will come into you... you are in control of you and you can help yourself to feel better with simple positive statements... it takes time... no one expects you to heal overnight... be patient with you as you are with others.. most importantly, pay attention to your sensory inputs... if you want happy, find a few things that make you happy and put them around you.... a picture, a birthday card, a favorite stuffed animal... its ok to treat yourself like the child alone in the recovery room at your local hospital... find a good book, get your blankets pulled up around you, tell yourself you are safe now... short moments of safety and peace become long moments, then minutes, then hours, then days, weeks, and so on.. the hard part is getting the initial inertia going in your favor... build it just a little each day and it takes perseverance.... avoid allowing your mind to focus negatively.... and control data input! turn off the negative phrases, thoughts, messages... life is not guaranteed to be beautiful but we can do something to make it better... when we are stronger we can do more, when we combine our energy with others, we can make change... get on the team that is healing Berries and borrow their strength, make it your own and in time, give it away... there is always more where that came from and life can become about overcoming, not defeat... in time... i cant emphasize enough how important it is when depressed to avoid the 'group think' of the hopeless feelings... its tough to stand on your own but better to stand alone and live than go together off the deep end |
| Berries
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#5
Nov 03, 2009, 03:12 PM
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(((((Berries)))) Besides the usuall answers that we feel hurt because we feel that our own self judgements are being affirmed, I think it is also because we have such a hard time remembering everything positive that people say to us. When I get depressed, every stupid comment would feel like it was just one of a long, unbroken chain of condemnation, and it was like digging at an old, infected wound. Dpression wouldn't let me take the positive input seriously, so I forgot it as soon as it was said. Maybe this is also part of the problem. We have become allergic to normal amounts of BS,
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| Berries
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#6
Nov 03, 2009, 03:22 PM
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(((((((((((((((( Berries ))))))))))))))))))
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| Berries
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#7
Nov 03, 2009, 07:05 PM
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Quote:
I'm involved in a long-term, painfully slow, plodding self-assessment of why my depression is so intractable. Here are a few quick thoughts about myself that may be useful to you (to ponder or reject) as you ask questions about your own self (this is all tentative, mind you): Somewhere along the line my “psychological boundary strength” collapsed, or perhaps never developed properly. That is, my ability to separate my inner self from the messages sent by others is defective. I “catch” other people's feelings, real or perceived, and incorporate them into my self. Those messages become a part of my reality, of my self-perception. “Normal” people can recognize feelings projected/sent by others without letting those feelings penetrate the psychological defenses surrounding their inner selves. My defenses have been breached or are simply not working; I absorb others' feelings into my self. You can imagine the practical results of such a situation. Say someone around me is angry, and not even angry at me. It doesn't matter at whom or what their anger is directed; I pick up their anger, I become responsible for it and I blame myself (and possibly form a suppressed anger at the angry one). The solution: build/rebuild my “psychological boundary strength” ...
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My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| Berries
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#8
Nov 04, 2009, 09:30 AM
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The solution: build/rebuild my “psychological boundary strength” ...
is this the same as 'emotional screening' or 'selective attention' ? i know we cannot 'ignore' the pain.... its just not healthy to do that imo... but we CAN control how much attention and time we give it each day.... in that way we are able to devote time to attending to our basic health needs (sleep, eating, exercise, etc) what do you think? |
| Berries
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#9
Nov 04, 2009, 10:09 AM
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My dear Berries...I had typed out a response but apparently it didn't take when I hit POST.
 So sorry for what may have seemed like not being here to care. I've had those thoughts too but really, the problem lies with the other person. That doesn't help the rejected feeling (I know all too well and have those almost daily at my work) but the best thing you can try to do is be true to yourself. Even some of the most altruistic people that have ever lived have been rejected by at least one person whether they even knew them or not. Buddha was rejected by some, Christ was rejected, Mohammed was rejected, Mother Theresa had her dissenters, HH. The Dalai Lama was rejected just recently by the President. (just as examples thought I'm sure there are many many others). We can't really control how and why people act the way they do but all we can do is "try" to control how we feel about ourselves when faced with such a quandary. Knowing how we "should" handle things and how we actually do is akin to the difference between a theory and real life. Sometimes they work together and sometimes they're always at odds. If I had the absolute answer my friend I'd certainly share it with you. Try to find some solace in knowing that many people here care very much about you and don't reject you, or ever will. You're loved...all of you are loved.
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| Berries, lonegael
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#10
Nov 04, 2009, 10:35 AM
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Quote:
Nowheretorun, I'm glad you have confidence in your ability to control and direct your attention. I, unfortunately, must number myself among those whose abilities to command their own focus and mobilize their own energies are compromised.
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My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| nowheretorun
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#11
Nov 04, 2009, 03:25 PM
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Berries, I am afraid I won't be much help to you. All I can say is that I too have felt rejected and unloved.
Some things I have read about bipolar depression is it may leave the patient even MORE sensitive to rejection than the average depressed patient. Who knows if it is true... I think you are a good person who is fun to talk with. I remember when I joined PC that I thought you were definitely one of the popular people. Lots of people here love you!
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"Unipolar is boring! Go Bipolar!"  Amazonmom is not putting up with bad behavior any more. |
| Berries
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#12
Nov 04, 2009, 06:34 PM
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(((((((Berries)))))
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| Berries
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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