Am I suffering from depression..Help :(

BEFORE I START I KNOW that there may be plenty more people on here that have problems 10 times worse than mine, but please read, and write to me, if you know anything about depression. And if you think I'm being a silly teenage girl suffering from hormones then please do not respond with anything mean... this is my problem, no matter how stupid anyone may think it is and it is seriously effecting my life
ALSO- im sorry if i have posted this in the wrong area...i am very new to this site.

I am 19 and I really think I am suffering from depression or some sort of personalityn disorder. It's difficult for me to pinpoint when this first started, but i'm saying maybe about a year ago.

I feel like I am going to fail in every area....my degree, making something of my life etc. I told a friend how I felt and she said it may be because of the contreceptive pill i'm on. I take Yasmin and have been on this pill for almost 3 years. I came off for one month.. the whole of feb. this year.. and went back on it. If it is my pill that is messing with my head then I will go to my GP and change, but I'm terrified that a different pill will desagree with me and mess with my weight, skin, and worst of all my mental health even more.

I have zero self confidence in myself, my appearence, in every single aspect of my life. Some days I find it so hard to even crack a smile.
At school there were a group of horrible boys that constantly called me names..for about 4 years this went on for. They called me fat and ugly every single day, even though i was half the size of most girls in my year at school. Well, recently I have been thinking about these shitbags and what they made me believe about myself, and i just cant seem to shake it. I have just moved to university to a completely different city, miles away from everyone i hate, and yet rather than making the most of my new life..which i should be, I'm always thiking about what these boys used to say about me. I know it is pathetic, but i just dont have enough self-confidence to to say "forget it" and get over it, instead i dwell on every single time they ever called me, cry about it, and worse of all they have made me believe that all these things are true about myself. I dread going home when term time ends..not because of my home life..my family is wonderful.. but incase I see any of these people that used to torment me. I come from a very sheltered village and its so hard to NOT bump into people..no matter how you try. When telling my friend this, she said "they'll have way moved on now, have better things to do that take the piss out of you now"... but she is wrong...About 6 months ago at sixth form, I was walking through the canteen and one of them shouting "fat *****", I turned and they were all pissing themselves laughing. I just dont understand why they call me fat, when there are PLENTLY more girls that are bigger than me, why are they picking on me?

ALL i want to do is go home and sit on my mums knee and cry. I HATE feeling like this because I am only 19 and i dont want to waste my young life worrying about the next time i may see one of those boys, or how bad i will feel tomorrow. I find it SO SO hard to be happy, i cant describe. When really I have alot in my life to love and be happy for, i just cant seem to make myself feel it.

I appreiciate ANY help/ advice, .. aslong as its kind. I dont want messeges like "get over it" etc... i'm sure you can imagion. but this is a big deal in my life so really.. any advice is welcome

If you read all this.... thankyou <3

hi apple& strawbery
it must very hard for you to deal with all of this ..well unfortunately world full of mean people...and iam sorry for what happened to you..
The best way to know if you may be suffering from depression is to take a screening test. There is a free, confidential test provided on this site that will help you determine if you may need to see a doctor for further evaluation.
do u have t? if you dont have it can u find one? i think t will help you dealing with all of this and help you to bring ur self confident back but for sure its not gonna be easy and will take a lot of times but in the end it will be worth it ...
thanks for sharing with us ...

Hi girl,

No fun being picked on. I know all about it. It s**ks! You lived through it and you are much stronger than these jerks who called you names. They are the losers. Now, Yasmin caused me undue problems with my moods. I was finally taken off of it as it was supposed to keep my periods consistent. Well, it certainly did not work. It was a bad hormone for me. You could be going through the same issues. I would definitely talk with the doctor about this and also be sure to tell him that your mood has suffered some instability in the last year. The best place to go is your doctor and, of course, your mom if she is unconditionally loving and supportive of you. You will do just fine as you are a SURVIVOR through and through. Lots of hugs, phoenix47

Welcome, appleandstrawberry. Good luck.

((((appleandstrawberry))))

Thank you for posting and for asking for what you need. Believe me, the last thing I would tell you is to "get over it". It is not just that easy, and from the sounds of it this is something that is really laying on your heart. I can hear you and I am sorry you are going through such a hard time.

I am sorry these guys made you feel so bad. Things that people say can affect us in many ways and can cause a lot of damage to our self esteem. I do understand that as I fight everyday to find confidence and some sort of belief in myself. Words can cut deep and hurt. But you are not their words. As much as it hurts and I know it does, try to not let their words define who you are.

As far as depression, if I was you I would talk to my doctor about how you are feeling. Only a doctor can diagnose you and give you something to help there. Do you have a t? If not, I would suggest that you find one that you can talk to about your feelings and get out what you are holding. Sounds like maybe you could talk with your mom if she is someone you feel would listen and support you.

You are not bad or wrong for your feelings. As a teen, I remember feeling so down and what people said had a big effect on me. I did not have a good home life so I did not have anywhere to turn. My self-esteem did not exist and has not my whole life. So I do understand and can connect with you.

It is tough being a teen and finding yourself. I know that it really bothers you when you go home and see those guys again. Can you have someone with you when you go out? I know you cannot live always worrying about what if's but I can understand.

I am not familiar with yasmin, but I would ask your doctor. There are other pills that you can get on. And I know you are concerned about weight, skin, and mental health. But it sounds like it may already be messing with your mental health. It would not hurt to just talk with your doctor for advice.

I know the feeling of not being able to crack a smile. There are times I have to force myself to smile and many times when I just shut down so I do not have to smile. I also go to school and I am struggling to keep going and I think I am going to take some time off to take care of myself. There is nothing wrong with taking care of you----for there is only one you and you are worth taking care of.

The feeling of being told you are fat and not being so, I can relate to as I was always told that from my father and I was not fat. It is is hard and it does make you feel bad. I am sorry you are dealing with this. It never should have happened. But you are not what they said.

I would encourage you to reach out around you and start making new friends. You are in a different place now and putting those behind you from your past, though not easy, would give you a new outlook. As hard as it is, it will help you to move past what those guys did.

Please talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. And about the pill. You deserve to be heard and to take care of yourself. You are young, you have the chance to start over in a new school. Try to not let their words define who you are. Believe me when I tell you I did let others words define me and now I am fighting something that goes really deep. Internallizing what others say is very damaging. You are not their words.

Hang in there and know we are here listening. We hear what you are saying, we connect to what you are feeling. I validate how you feel and I am sorry you are feeling this way. Just know you are not what they said.

Welcome to PC and I hope you find support and friends here that you can connect to. There are many here that know what you feel and they will be able to connect to you. We will walk this path with you and listen whenever you need to talk or vent, scream or cry. Know we care. You do matter, you are important.

Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

hi apple&strawberry, welcome to PC

I don't have much to add beyond what others have said, but I agree, seeing your GP would be the best idea for you right now. Whether it's your birth control or depression causing your low moods, know that there is no such thing as "insignificant" problems here. The upside to having depression is that we are very attuned to others' distress, and we know that big and small things can all have a huge impact on our lives and mental health.

Does your uni have a student support service? That's where I go right now to talk about my problems with a counsellor. It's free and entirely confidential. A good number of UK universities also have a service called Nightline (or something similar) that's a confidential listening service run by students, where you can call and talk about your problems anonymously and confidentially. I would urge you to use one (or both) of these services. You are not the only person your age, in your year, or in your school with self-esteem and mood problems. It sounds to me like you suffered quite a lot of emotional trauma at school and it's no wonder you're feeling the way you do now! Talking it out with a professional might help you work through some of the feelings you're having, and get you on a path to higher self-esteem. I suffer from depression and debilitating low self-esteem, and talking to a counsellor has done wonders for me. A counsellor will never tell you to "just get over it", and no issue is too big or small for them to help with.

This is a safe space to come with the things that are bothering you. I'm glad you posted, and I hope that you post again to let us know how you're doing.

Awww thankyouuu!! <3 I can't tell how nice it is to have people reply to this..everything each one of you said has helped. I was so worried people wouldnt understand and ignore me but im so glad you lot didnt!!!
Thanks for the great advice.
x

i know what you mean. i went to a private school and still all the boys picked on me, and i never understood why.. they never picked on the nerdy girls or the fat girls, they were too obvious. but everyone picked on me... EVEN MY TEACHERS!! i remember crying everyday on the bus and getting home everyday from high school and crying and having panic attacks not understanding why people made fun of me, because at the time i was very thin and very pretty. boys are evil and immature, i've learned who knows why they do things, but do not let it get to you, like i did. i have a social phobia now because i am so afraid of what people think of me and i feel like everyone is talking about me behidn my back and making fun of me. they probably aren't, or maybe they really are now because they can tell i am so afraid of people that is why i am so quiet now. i never used to be quiet i had many friends and i had dreams, but i let people get to me and now ive lost it all. please dont let yourself do the same. understand that young people are just IMMATURE and they are just picking on you because they want to take the attention away from themselves!!

I would try giving these a s s holes a bit of their own medicine. They may be like other animals that sense a weakness and go in for the kill - that's why they don't bother others, they know they can't hurt them. In you they sense a vulnerability. That is a double edged sword, it has both good and bad sides to it. Keep the good, get rid of the bad.

Pick out something in each person who is mean to you and be ready to throw their own defects back at them. If they are fat, tell them so. If they have funny looking teeth, let them know. If they are stupid, point it out. Whatever imperfection they have, make them aware of it. And don't let them know that it bothers you one bit about what they think of you. Who are they any way? Are they really worth your attention? Does their opinion really matter? Tell them to go F themselves and seek out real friends who are supportive of you.

Don't give your power to other people who don't deserve it. Your power is YOURS to keep and control. They can only hurt you if you let them. You decide whose opinion you care about. You decide who is a real friend - based on their actions and words - and who isn't.