[Berries]

For me--it was awful. I was the lowest functioning person there.

Background on me:
I am disabled and have been since 18, was diagnosed at 18 and have been in and out of hospitals, lots of meds, ect...basically my whole life has been about mental illness. I did function well for a while and went to college part-time and graduated and had a series of part-time jobs.
Now, I am unemployed, single, no children and 43 years old.

People at the support group:
Everyone at the meeting had a spouse or ex-spouse, children and fulltime jobs. They all had been diagnosed late in life.

Me Now:
I basically had nothing in common with them or than the fact that they had the DX of depression or bipolar.
I am never going to make a friend.
I suck; am a waste of space; and should just crawl in a hole and die.

[Pomegranate]

Berries! You are not making sense. What does those other people having a spouse or an ex or children or a full time job have to do with their ability, or your ability, to be friends?? You have your illness in common. That's a big bond. I would go back at least 3 more times. Give people a chance, and give yourself a chance. We all have different life styles and circumstances. But shared feelings and experiences, especially of something as personal and profound as having mental illness is a strong bond and can make for some good friends. Don't look at your differences, look and listen for the similarities of thoughts and feelings that you all share.

[complic8d]

((((((Berries))))))

I am so sorry that you feel that way. I know that a lot of my group members have never been suicidal, never been in the hospital, are holding down jobs, and many other things that I cannot relate to. Then, sometimes, someone new, or who just haven't been there in a while, will show up and are much more "like" me. Sometimes it takes time to get to know them more. They may seem like they have it all together, but it may not be the case. There is a reason they are there. One time I finally asked, "does anyone else here self-harm?" and I found out that, yes, several of them had/are.

I know you feel so badly about yourself, but I would urge you to try again, or call the contact person and ask about your concerns. Just saying this because I get so much from my meetings, even though there are times when I feel alienated too (even now sometimes).

Hang in there.

[idontknow13]

((((((Berries)))))))
I really wish we knew each other IRL because I would hug you until you would feel better. Having said that, I agree with Pomegranate and Complic, try to see the similarities and if you are like me, dont compare with others, we only see the outside and can be mistaken in our judgments.
Take good care of yourself and dont crawl into a hole, I would miss you terribly

Go back a few more times. It takes awhile to feel comfortable in a new group. Don't do the comparison thing to other people. You really don't know yet what they have been through or what they are dealing with. You are making a lot of judgements based on very little actual information. The fact is, EVERYONE there is dealing with a mood disorder. That's HUGE!! They will ALL have a greater understanding of you than you realize. Don't give up yet.

[justfloating]

(((((((((Berries))))))))))


First of all, YAY BERRIES for getting yourself to that support group!!! That was an EXCELLENT step to take and I'm sure it was very scary for you. I really admire you for facing your fears. Personally, I am too terrified to put myself out there like that and I envy anyone who has the guts to actually do it!

I am so prone to thinking the exact same things as you. If I don't click with a person immediately, I assume we have absolutely nothing in common and will never be friends and it's a waste of time to try because I'm probably just too messed up to forge any kind of bond in the first place. But realistically, it takes lots of time to make friends and find out what you do have in common with other people. On top of that, look at what you're saying, and more importantly, look at what you're saying about YOURSELF. Is it possible that some of those thoughts are coming from the ILLNESS and not from Berries? You owe it to yourself to try again. You are a kind, sensitive, empathetic and insightful person and anyone would be LUCKY to call you their friend. I know how lucky I feel to have met you here at PC!

Please don't give up, and please don't believe any of those negative thoughts. They're all lies. You are worth it and after all the s*** your illness has put you through, you DESERVE to stand up to it by going out and do these things for yourself.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by justfloating

YAY BERRIES for getting yourself to that support group!!! That was an EXCELLENT step to take and I'm sure it was very scary for you. I really admire you for facing your fears. Personally, I am too terrified to put myself out there like that and I envy anyone who has the guts to actually do it!

I second the motion (second or wherever I fall in the rotation)!

Had I been you at that meeting, I would have felt very isolated. I might have forced myself to stay, but I would have left feeling discouraged.

Question for Berries (don't even think about answering if it triggers you): What did you hear at the meeting? Apart from the obvious differences in functionality, were the concerns and interests of the people there in any way similar to your own?

Question for those familiar with DBSA: How typical a group was this? Was Berries' group's composition as she describes it typical of DBSA groups? How diverse are DBSA groups?

Thank you everyone!

[Berries]

I do intend on going back, next week. I told my T that I would give it a few tries before I decided whether or not to quit going. But if it makes me feel this badly again next week...well I don't know.

Originally Posted by Rohag

Question for Berries (don't even think about answering if it triggers you): What did you hear at the meeting? Apart from the obvious differences in functionality, were the concerns and interests of the people there in any way similar to your own?

Originally Posted by Rohag

Not really.

As far as I could tell, I was the only one there that has been "in the system" of mental hospitals, half way houses, lifelong therapy... As far as I could tell none of them was on disability and certainly not since age 18.
The only thing in common was the DX and everyone was on meds. I guess that's a lot, but it didn't feel like it. And the people there didn't seem like they were struggling. You have to state from 1 to 10 where your mood is and 5 is stable, 1 is extremely depressed and 10 is extremely manic. Almost everyone said 5 or 6. I was the only one that said 2 1/2.

[theave]

I think it's good that you are planning on going back a few more times. It was a DBSA group I went to a couple of times before deciding it wasn't for me. I felt there was an emphasis on diagnoses rather than finding common ground. I hope that it gets better for you, look forward to hearing how it goes.

[trevorzero]

I sort of doubt that this is the right group for you, based on your description.

You might ask your T or other professionals about the possibility of starting a brand new group that would be designed for people who are in a similar position as you. It might be a lot of work, but it could turn out to be quite worthwhile.

[headintheclouds6]

I was also the lowest-functioning person at my support group, but keep in mind I was also the newest person there...I am in the beginning stages of my recovery and therefore I seem like the weakest person. Perhaps this is the same for you...?

[NuckingFutz]

Berries, are there dbsa meetings around in your area? Different groups have different people. The one near me has a very angry blind guy in it, a gay person, a lady that would rather end it rather than go back to the state hospital and most were on disability. The other group i went to was like you describe. You are an asset to this forum. You have a lot to share and offer. You are a champ.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Different groups have different people. The one near me.... The other group i went to was like you describe.

Thank you for this confirmation; DBSA groups do vary.

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

You are an asset to this forum. You have a lot to share and offer. You are a champ.

I wholeheartedly agree!

[lonegael]

I can't agree more with the statement about you courage in going and your value to this forum. You know, Berries, so many of the Bip. folks I know who work in Health care are "over achievers" who would rather die than let other people know how badly they were doing. I had my own complicated self/other deception system going that kep me out of the hospital system when actually it would have been best for me if I was taken in for treatment. It doesn't mean that you can take for granted that they are actually so different than you. You might just be more honest