[Sad In TX]

Wow - I guess it really has been a while since I've been on here. Well, here goes.

I've just moved into my own apartment and gotten a full-time job. While I count my blessings on those, I still feel a little empty inside.

You see, I was married for 10 years, got divorced and went into a relationship right after. So I haven't been alone in a really long time. 12 years to be exact.

I'm trying to find the positive in everything but it's been tough road. A divorce last year, a break up this year and completely starting over yet again. While I have friends and family, some of my family that used to be there for me are estranged due to their judgment on my choices.

I guess I just don't know what to do help with the loneliness. I don't want to nor am I ready to date again, but I am so sad without someone to come home to, and I was wondering if anyone can relate. I have no kids, no pets - nothing. Like I said, I've started over in another town so it's not like I have a lot to do. What do you do to not feel so lonely if you are alone?

Hello, Sad In Texas. Because I am lonely too at times, I signed up for a newsletter from a volunteer organization. A couple of times a month I find something I think I might enjoy doing to help some people. Most times the people are so appreciative.

Volunteering gives me a perspective about the difficulties others experience, and allows me to get out and around people.

Maybe you could volunteer? Just a thought.

Good luck!

[Briester]

Hi Sad in Tx. Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down. Moving and "starting over" is always a bit stressful and even more so after a divorce and then a breakup. Sometimes after we experience one event it's good to just stay with ourselves and learn to love who we are again before trying to share it with someone else. I've seen it before many times and usually the "rebound" relationships end because of issues on both parties that were unrelated and hadn't had a chance to heal yet rearing their ugly heads.

Byzantine made a good suggestion at volunteering, you could also see if there was some organization that engaged in things you like to do or even try to get to know your colleagues better maybe?

The important thing is to take time to heal yourself. Maybe it would be a good time to get a furry companion (I'm partial to cats but dogs work too) and then you'd at least have one little being who gives you love and companionship when no other human is around. Just don't focus on them so much you start keeping away from bipeds.

I hope you have a nice week and feel a little better.

Chris

[LittleMissSunshine]

Originally Posted by Sad In TX

I guess I just don't know what to do help with the loneliness. I don't want to nor am I ready to date again, but I am so sad without someone to come home to, and I was wondering if anyone can relate. I have no kids, no pets - nothing. Like I said, I've started over in another town so it's not like I have a lot to do. What do you do to not feel so lonely if you are alone?

I feel that way a lot also. i haven't been married but been in 4 long term relationships (all between 1.5-2.5years) back to back to back to back. this is the first time i've chosen to be single. and i'm struggling. altho i'm really into some one at the moment, i know the timing is wrong. i know i'm not ready yet.
but i'm the same. i'm sad without some one to come home and cuddle with. when i get "rejected"(or whatever small things done makes me feel rejected) from a guy, i immediately try and find validation from some one else.

to NOT feel lonely?? my best bet has always been trying to fill the time. time heals everything. friends. hobbies. exercise. anything to keep my mind off a signigicant other of any sort. keeping busy is the best thing. it's when u have nothing to do that u wallow.
so seeing as u are in a new town, head over to a community center or something. do something that scares you. doesn't have to be physically frightening, but anything that takes you out of your comfort zone. it will help with self esteem and also meeting new people.

it's soooo annoying but being on your own is the hardest and best thing. i know this and i still hate it and try to run away from it. embrace it though. it's the only way you will be able to find some one whom you can be with for the rest of your life. unfortunately it's cliche for a reason, "you can't love anyone until you learn to love yourself" how annoyingly true it is!

we're all here if and whenever you need us!

[Poisoncontrol]

I hear what you are saying. I am in the middle of a separation, changing jobs, changing towns, new relationship, and I feel so overwhelmed and lonely. I am dismantleing my life and I am exhasted by it. I have kids but I am not here with them. Maybe physically but not emotionally. I have no emotions. I feel nothing. I understand about coming home and no one being here its the loneliest feeling ever. Im sorry Im rambling I have no advice for you. Just good luck...I hope you feel better soon.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

It takes time to get to know yourself when you have lived for others for so long. But just think:

Never have to put the toilet seat down
Can walk round naked or wearing silly clothes if you like
Can eat WHAT you want WHEN you want to
Don't have to pick your socks of the floor until you're ready to
Can watch ANYTHING you like on telly without "tutting & sighing"
Do the dishes if you want to..or not...if you don't
Can go to bed when you want to
Don't have to go shopping for womens things
Don't have to explain why you're late
Don't have to worry about what you might find if you're early

And the list goes on...

Once you start to relax and allow yourself to get to know yourself, you'll ,find it easier. And believe me it really is liberating. You'll know when you are ready for company.

In the meantime accept that no matter what choices you have made they were yours to make, good or bad. And where you are right now is exactly where you are meant to be, just before the next stage of your life opens up and you find the changes are really ok,

((((hugs))))
Rhiannon