Hi everyone - a new update here. Thought it would be better to start a new thread.

My T called today and didn't realize he had a voice message. He didn't get it until this afternoon, and then he sent me an email and called me. He actually apologized (?) for not getting the voice message and getting back to me sooner.

[shaking head] The man confuses me and totally disrupts my thoughts, my plans. My inner one is just jumping up and down and sticking her tongue out at me because she feels vindicated. I am terrified........does that make sense?

I have another job interview in the morning and then I see him at noon. My other slot next week had already been filled in.

I want so badly to look at him and tell him to stop, to leave me alone, talk surface stuff to me, and stop pushing. I told him that I had cancelled because I felt he was pushing.........because he is getting to me and I hate that. As he said, I am a smart lady and yes that is exactly what he is doing. And yet, I'm going in tomorrow to see him. Geez, I have to be completely insane.

I thanked him for calling me........my husband had picked it up and my T said "there's two people on this line" - before he would talk to me. My husband hung up but he was mad. So, of course, I got to listen to him complaining esp when he found out who it was that had called. ::::::::::closing eyes, making a wish, and [poof] he's all gone:::::::::::::::::::::.
how I wish it could be so......

Mary Alice

{looking up and seeing a rope hanging down into my hole - [sigh]}

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}

You make perfect sense to me

I am making a wish with you <<<<<< Poof >>>>>> did it work? I make a wish with every lottery ticket I buy and then owning a big ol' Hummer and strapping my ex on the front grill of it....then ramming it into every brick building in this town ooopss did I just think out loud there? My bf bought me a toy hummer for Christmas last year....I hold onto that some days and rub it and make a wish . Have you thought any more about any future plans about hubby? I don't mean to pry or anything hun....just curious in seeing if there is anything we can do to help you out there too. My offer still stands of getting you in touch with a local woman's centre in your area and helping you ok?

Does your therapist make any visits here to Nova Scotia by chance???? Oh my - you are a lucky girl

What is the job interview for????? Good luck and let us know how it goes

I am sitting here with a smile on my face thinking about you today grab onto that rope my friend....there are a lot of people holding this end of it for you.


Heather

[kvinneakt]

Let him scratch up a little dirt. You will learn to love it.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

Ahhhh Heather, I forgot to cross my fingers & toes.......darn it, he's still here If you were prying, I'd tell ya .............to be honest, I haven't thought past the end of this month. I won't even make appts with my T past then. My b-day is next month, and well.......I don't expect to see it. Don't get upset, please.............my T is hoping that by the end of the month, I will at least "consider" hanging in there and he will, of course, be there to help me. I appreciate your offer, Heather, you know that. I live in the Midwest if that narrows it down for you......I can always PM you with the state if you want.

Yes, I am lucky to have him. Haven't figured out yet HOW I got so fortunate, and how I haven't screwed it up yet.

The job interview is for management, here in town where I live. I interviewed with them 2 years ago, they offered me a job and I couldn't take it because I had to go for training in Chicago, IL for awhile and we were right in the middle of moving. I was upset then.......I had it and had to turn it down. Ironically enough, the recruiter found my file and remembered me. He's FED-EXing the application to me so I get it tomorrow, with a return FED-EX envelope (impressive, huh? lol). He got a hold of the DM today and got it set up for 8:30am tomorrow - they want to get it done asap. Maybe they'll offer me the position. Last time, I got the tour and everything - I can do the job without any problem plus it is going into a mall here, which means no working overally late - they have to adhere to the mall's hours. Watch me screw it up........lol. I made copies of all my letters of ref, awards, and stuff, plus my numbers to show them I know what I am doing. Keep your fingers crossed...........the only part that is bad is that it will kill my back again. I am NOT supposed to be doing work like this anymore - hence trying for disability; however, if offered it, I will take it regardless to get money in this house. I even get to go away for training - I'll miss my son if I have to go.

I'll let you know what happens. Be nice if I was offered the job tomorrow - lol.

Thanks for caring..........xoxoxo

Mary Alice

It's whats UNDER the dirt that scares me, Kv.......lol. Gives me too many sleepless nights and nightmares.

Have a great evening. xoxox

Mary Alice

[Peanut61]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} = YAY, YAY, YAY!!! ******Peanut jumping up and down, clapping hands, and smiling at Mary Alice******!!! Am going to have you in my thoughts and prayers very much tomorrow; let us know how everything goes when you get back, OK?!! Luv & hugs to you big time!!!!!!!!! Your friend, as always, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT </font color=blue>

[kvinneakt]

A lot of good stuff is happening.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

[heidu]

He must be just pissing you off!! You keep trying and trying to push him away, get rid of him and make believe he really doesn't care but he keeps pulling one up on ya!!!!
I think it's great because you deserve to be cared about and you deserve and need the help.
Good luck at your interview. Going a way for training would be nice, huh?
We don't wanna lose you Mary Alice.
And someone asked, I think Heather, about maybe trying to get away from the bad situation at home. I agree and hope you will think about that. I think you will feel and do so much batter if you didn't have that constant negativity and pressure around you all the time.
Extra, big, large, huge hugs for you today. (I dont throw the big ones around easily, you know!)
Heidu

"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has a Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has a Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."

I'm waiting for the shoe to drop, Kv .

I'm always the pessimist {sigh}.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Kv}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{Jill}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Somehow I knew this would make you happy......lol. You are awesome - for remembering and caring. Ty, my friend.

xoxoxoxo

Mary Alice

{{{{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}}}}}}, lol - yes, he is pissing me off big time. No matter what, he is there. It scares me so much sometimes because it simply can't last - and the loneliness will be a million times worse.

A mini-vacation sounds so wonderful to me.......I can take care of "me" for a change.......geez that sounds selfish.

Anyway, yes even my T got me to see that alot of my depression and stuff is due to my living arrangements. To make changes though and basically jump off a cliff into the unknown is something that I haven't been able to do yet. I haven't discounted the idea though - it is always there in the back of my mind.

You are so sweet and thoughtful........hugs are so few and far between around my house, that yours mean a great deal. Thank you for caring.

Mary Alice

[heatherm]

Oh wonderful {{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}} such great news for you. Let me know how it goes...wishing you the best. Yes your son will miss you but think of how great you will feel when you get back refreshed and looking forward to such a bright start with a new job...he will feel rejuvenated as much as you. You can keep the phone lines burning with him when you are gone Do you know how long the training is? Maybe he can visit you there?

I remember being interviewed for a position in Seattle 4 years ago (yup I am here in Nova Scotia - just a tad bit away ) for a terrific job...pay was awesome..they were going to fly me out to set me up...everything taken care of. I turned it down .....the reason (and I so dislike blaming someone else) but my ex husband (we were married then) would not let me go. I was so terrified of making him more upset with me that I called them and turned down the offer. If I could offer any advice....follow your heart. Dream big and go for anything and everything that comes your way.

Now then...on to your "consider hanging in there"...do you know that I could see such a glimmer of hope with those words from you... please hang onto that...that is your rope that you see ok? We are all holding it tightly for you. I am going to pm you some contacts from that area to you. All you can do is have them and it is your choice to make the call ok hun?

Wishing you the best for today and everyday


Heather

I went on the interview today.....I thought it went well. I can do the job but 50 hours is going to destroy my back. I received the FED-EX package, filled out everything and sent it back before the end of business today. I called the recruiter and let him know........now they do the background check, etc. etc. and grade the pysch quiz I had to do. [shrug] We'll see what happens.

Went to my T's today.......asked him if we could please NOT talk about the end of the month. He said that I was basically asking him to do something that would go against the very reason I still come and see him: because he cares. If he could stop caring and be indifferent, then yes we could not discuss it..........but he can't do that. He did squeeze in an appt for me next week - he's coming in early next Wed to see me - made me promise that I will keep the appt and show up.

I also told him that I don't want any problems with him when the end of the month comes - no interference, no nothing. He promised that I would always be able to leave his office - that he would not restrain me or allow anyone else to do it either.......but said there were other ways of stopping me. That has me confused and worried. My mind is racing with thoughts and whether I should go after next week. He believes that I still have a reason to keep coming to see him all this month.......I don't, but I can't cut off communication with him because he does care - and that is what brings me to him and no one else. I did tell him that I do not completely trust him, which he already sensed because I am not willing to let down all the walls.

I'm not going to think ahead......I made a promise about next week and I will honor that. Past that, I won't guarantee anything. I just don't want a conflict with him where I get completely freaked out and do something stupid. I don't want him to see the "******" part of me I guess.

The one bright spot is I made it back in time to keep my promise to Alex and pick him up from school. He saw me, came out and gave me a hug, kiss, and said "I love you, Mom".......I almost fell over - you know that isn't cool in front of his friends so it meant alot.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!! You all deserve it.

Mary Alice

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}

May you have a wonderful weekend yourself. Do you have any plans for you and your son?


Heather

Heather.......my son is looking forward to sleeping in and not going to school. I'm looking forward to waking up next to him and being kissed to death by the "animals" and him....there is no better way to wake up.

Have a peaceful weekend. oxoxoxoxo

Mary Alice

[SeptemberMorn]

<font color=red>{{{{{{{</font color=red><font color=orange>{{{{{{{</font color=orange><font color=yellow>{{{{{{{</font color=yellow><font color=blue>{{{{{</font color=blue><font color=purple>{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}</font color=purple><font color=blue>}}}}}}}</font color=blue><font color=yellow>}}}}}}}</font color=yellow><font color=orange>}}}}}}}}</font color=orange><font color=red>}}}}}}</font color=red>

I sense some very beautiful changes in you! You sound happy and upbeat! <font color=purple>I'm so happy for you!</font color=purple> You're T isn't the only one that cares for you, you know! Wish I was there to give you hugs in person. I'm jumping up and down for you, too, <font color=green> I'm so happy for you!</font color=green>

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

xoxoxoxxoxoxo Sept.

Ty, I wouldn't still be alive if it wasn't for you and the rest of the people here that I consider to be my friends. There have been so many times that I got too close to my own comfort level, and then came online and posted......it really helped.

Between all of you and my T, I am very lucky. My son is such a beautiful child and my husband.........well, he's an ***** . Some things just DON'T change.......lol.

I have missed my son tremendously the last few days - now I have him for two whole days.

Have a great weekend.

Mary Alice

P.S. Hugs are always appreciated............xoxoox

[Rapunzel]

I'm so glad that he called! Congratulations on the job interview too, but please don't overdo it and mess up your back. Take care of yourself!
You know, you really do sound happy. I hope you are and can stay that way. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
-Wendy

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

{{{{{{{{{{Wendy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ty.......unfortunately part of my problem is mood swings which change at the drop of a hat - BPD is my official diagnosis I guess. It seems to cover most of the issues.

Ty for worrying about my back.......it's getting to the point where I have no choice really. Work at a job that will harm me=paying bills. Not much of a decision unfortunately. I did receive a letter from disability - another fun-filled questionnaire to fill out and send back. Did it yesterday and mailed it right back. The problem is them and how long it takes - time is of the essence right now.

Anytime I spend with my son is wonderful........ I woke up to him saying, "wake-up Mom" and tapping me on the head calling me a "sleepy-head". lol.

I hope you're having a great weekend.....xoxox

Mary Alice