tired of waiting

am i a mess because i'm depressed ... or am i depressed because i'm a mess? Why do I have the feeling I'm not going to truly get my life together until after I graduate? Why does it seem that these are going to be four years -- four years that were supposed to be among the best of my life -- that I'm not going to want to look back on? My future seems so bright, so wonderful, but my present ... my present is a joke, something I have to survive for another year and a half before I can move on to better things. A year and a half of waiting, day in and day out, to be able to live. I've tried so hard to make things better but the best I can muster for myself is indifference. I just want to graduate and get the heck out of here!

(((((Rebecca)))))
I know you may not believe me, but
Graduation will be here before you know it.

(((((((((((((((( justfloating ))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((justfloating)))))))))))

Focus on the better life you'll have, not on the miserable life you say you have now.
Get a calander and mark off the days. Or some type of daily reminder that you ARE going forward, towards the life you want.

(((((Rebecca)))))) Focus on living and enjoying what you can this day, this hour. If you distract yourself this way, the time will pass much quicker for you. You are so lucky to have a bright future to look forward to. Don't let such a good thing make you miserable now.

Never thought of it the way you put it, "Am I a mess because I'm depressed or depressed cause I'm a mess". Sounds like a good question. People always look back and are not always happy with the past. But you can control the future. You are in school which is a good thing. Even though you don't think the present time is good you know your future is bright. Take things one day at a time and remind yourself that once you finish school you have the ability to leave if that is what you wish to do.

(((((((Rebecca))))))) We are all messes. I think it is pretty much only we who get depressed who figure that out!!!!! I find that if I focus on jumping through the hoops to get where I want to be, then everything on the way becomes another hoop. No fun. I agree with pomegranate. Hmm. You are in Scotland. what can you do in Scotland that you can't do in the US. HMMMM. Get picked up by a military man in a skirt? Happened to me in germany. I still don't know what the poor soul was trying to say, but it sounded fascinating!!!!
I know it is frustrating there. I hope that it will get a bit better as your new project picks up and your depression gets a bit better. Huggs.

Rebecca, I just want you to know that for some people college years are NOT the best in their lives. It's "supposed" to be for a few reasons, probably such as young age, often being supported by parents, some people going to PARTY SCHOOLS (which you are not), and many other things. But for some of us, myself and you included alone with others who do not have a mental disorder this is not the best time in our lives. I remember my mother saying once that college was NOT the best time in her life...

Maybe you can find some part of your life in college to make the waiting worthwhile. When I'm in the train station waiting for the train, I whip out my music player or my compie if I have it. I make the wait time more enjoyable by doing something fun with it. Maybe you can do the same?