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#1
May 22, 2005, 03:01 PM
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So, last Weds. night was the last time I took my celexa. I begged to see how I would be off of it for one week because I didn't really think it was helping. Finally my T, probably out of exhaustion said for one week I could go without but if at anytime I started to feel out of control
or whatever I had to notify her. Well, I started hearing voices yesterday morning...been a few months since they were in my head. Not like thoughts that swirl around all the time. I actually hear a male voice in my head that just counts and says #s. I really, really hate myself today too. And, I realized that the very addiction that is destroying my health and self esteem is my addiction to food. Maybe I eat to fill a void, maybe I eat so that no by being big no man will ever rape me again...not ever. I still am fighting to say I don't need the celexa. I am not calling my T. I have to figure out how to deal with all this on my own. I am actually thinking that the meds were holding me back from getting out some really important things that I have been repressing. Now I know I have an issue with food and I need to figure out how to handle it before I weigh 1000 pounds. Anyway....I am freaking out in my head and I don't want to call my T because I want to deal with all the things the meds made me not think about. Now I wonder if I should even go back to see my T because I don't want to hinder how I feel or have some one not understand why I must run away. I have to run away. I have to get out of my skin. |
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#2
May 22, 2005, 03:13 PM
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((((((((((((((((sj)))))))))))))) I think you should call your t, you need to tell her what you have learned and what you now know are things that you need to work on. She is there to help you. Please take care.
__________________
 complic8d"Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos-your reality I know well what lies beyond my secret refuge The nightmare I built my own world to escape." ♥evanescence♥
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#3
May 22, 2005, 03:28 PM
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If there isn't any problem with your med, then why not call your T and discuss these issues? There's no fault or blame for needing medication. Do you look down upon a child for needing insulin for diabetes? What about ppl who pop aspirin for their headaches. We take medications all the time for "what ails us." You can do this... call your T and don't be afraid of the answer you might get. You still get to make the decision, right? It would be the adult thing to ask for advice, imo. Be Safe!
__________________
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#4
May 22, 2005, 03:33 PM
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woman, please call your T. your depression is talking to you and by not seeking a little help, you may sink lower. i understand that you want to have the feelings, that you feel the meds have suppressed, but, those can get out of hand...........hear me???? and i am scared about that........please let me know how you are now...love, pat
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#5
May 22, 2005, 08:41 PM
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I just cannot get the energy up to call her.
I journaled about all this stuff too. I am keeping myself in check. It isn't easy...and I know I have a lot of work ahead of me. Darnit...I am sorry people. I am sorry I have failed you all once more. |
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#6
May 22, 2005, 09:11 PM
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You haven't failed me.
__________________
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#7
May 22, 2005, 09:29 PM
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you know that you haven't failed me.......i'm in your corner.
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#8
May 22, 2005, 09:54 PM
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You havent failed anyone ! I second the "emotion" to call your T . Please stay safe !
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#9
May 22, 2005, 10:17 PM
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this is one of my early nights....please check in with me before i have to go to bed.......okay????? xoxox pat
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#10
May 23, 2005, 06:05 AM
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I went to bed at 8:30 last night. Felt like some good rest would be best for me.
Not sure if I will call my T today. I am going to try to "fake it till I make it." I don't feel S~...I want you guys to know this. If I implied that I didn't mean to. I just don't feel right in my own skin and know there is a lot of work on me ahead of me. Which frightens me. As well as I can express my feelings writing them...verbalizing them is so very hard for me face to face. |
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#11
May 23, 2005, 11:48 AM
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Perhaps you could write your feelings out and give that to your T ! I also write better than verbalize. Just a thought........and glad u are safe !!!
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#12
May 23, 2005, 12:58 PM
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When i stopped my meds i had some emotional extremes as well. I think as long as you are able to understand that part of the extremes are from the dropping the meds and the chemicals in your brain are adjusting it will be ok. I had a couple ugly days but with that in mind i made it out the other side. This is what helped me get thru it anyway
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#13
May 23, 2005, 06:48 PM
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I did call and leave a message for my T.
Didn't tell her how crazy my thoughts were but just wanted to check in with her. |
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