pushing away the good stuff

Yesterdays Christmas party was a crap, I was at home before midnight and in bed an hour and a half later. I'm glad I found someone to bring me home. I slept for almost 12 hours and woke up happy I guess, the weather is perfect and I thought I should go for a walk. It is a day when I planned to do my Christmas shopping and I was happy about that. No-one attacked my little Internet game village while I was asleep. I even thought of calling my dad just to have some nice little chat about nothing in particular.
But then
I got this knowing that being happy is not ok. Everything will end up in a bad and depressing way anyway, and if I let myself be happy it will just end up worse compared to if I didn't.
So here I am, staring at PC, drinking my morning coffee and just about to cry for no apparent reason. The weather got crappy too. I don't want to go the mall. If I had a car I probably would go right away, but now I have to take the bus and it sucks. I don't want to take a bus.

I take the bus too but hey I would go with the good day thing though...

3Velniai ......I understand how hard it can be , but that doesn't make it better. Sorry you are going through this. I go from duh , to angry , to crying in a matter of minutes. Take care of you

(((3Velniai)))

I can relate to what you're saying. I can be content with everything and then something triggers my depression and I immediately want to come back home. If you need to get shopping done, try to go as soon as you're in a happy mood. It might make you feel even better. *hugs*

I don't know what it is about the Christmas season that makes me sad. Possibly because I can't bring back those indescribably wonderful Christmas's of childhood, can't bring my dear mother back into the world and can't bring back a good relationship with my brother. Also, my Dad is 86, and I'm already to stove up to keep up with him, which falls far short of his expectations. 3vel, I'm so sorry that your moods are swinging up and down. I'm glad that you are able to get into the season somewhat, and that you can "wind yourself up to go Christmas shopping. That says much for your abilities to fight this thing we can depression. Sometimes there's just no reason for it. It's just there like a little monster in the head, saying negative things. We don't have to listen, but sometimes we do. Hugs and Blessings that the one party you didn't enjoy won't be a hallmark of the season for you! A friend in an uncertain season. billieJ

Good post above. depression gets teed off if he thinks he's losing you. He must have realy blown a gasket over that walk. It's hard, I know, it feels so much safer to keep the good things away, but it's not really helping you. if it would, then D wouldn't be telling you it would. Huggs, 3Vel. The sun shines out there regardless. It's just htere foryou to enjoy.

Thanks everyone. I read the posts here, finished my coffee, then did nothing for a while and I actually went out. You helped me do this. And I bought some gifts. For myself. Lol. For me only, I mean. I hope I will do better tomorrow and buy something for others too.

Good job buying the presents. You should buy some gifts for yourself more often!!! And by the way... take some credit. You werethe one who went out and did it! HUgggs!

I can so relate to this... Thank god things never get good enough for me to consider trying to be happy

Seriously, I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. I hope it gets better soon

((((((((((((((( 3vel ))))))))))))))))

((((((((((3velniai))))))))))

How's today going?

Good job for doing something you wanted to do. Don't let the depression pull you down. That's the depression talking that doesn't want you to be happy. You deserve a happy life. Tell yourself that. Good luck.