[christopherm317]

I have a horrible life. Don't we all? I'm 23 married with a one year old. Husband is in military. He missed half my pregnancy and the birth of our daughter. Came home from active duty when she was seven months. Now I need to vent here folks. Husband is one of those due it later people. Daughter calls the cat, toys, furniture whatever. She calls it all daddy. I'm a house wife so I have all the time for my daughter. Now husband has been home for about 6 months. His excuse for not bonding with our child hasn't been home for long. Husband has to work to pay bills. He tried two jobs but could not handle it. I need to work but husband cant take care of our child well enough to be left alone for hours. Have a mother lives with us! Cant hold a job more then three days has multiple diseases psoriases, diabetes ext. We are sinking into to debt no way out. Now my husband found out about private security. Answer to all of our problems. Money!!! 70 k for six months in Iraq. Sounds like a nightmare to me. I don't want him to go but I need the money. He makes to much for public assistance. No family that can help. depression is my middle name. Crapy car, Crapy house, Crapy life. Kid needs to see a specialist. Has some major skin problems. Cant afford to take her to the doctor. I just need some money to make things OK. So the life of my husband is at risk cause money doesn't grow on tree's. I wish I knew my husband would be safe. Can you imagine? He goes to Iraq we get out of debt and then He's on the news captured and threatened with beheading. Talk about a raw deal. Then what do I tell my daughter? How should I act knowing something can or will go horribly wrong.

[jennie]

Did your husband experience combat or worked in the combat zone, OEF or OIF? If so, it's possible he is unable to adjust to family life without counseling. If he has undiagnosed PTSD, he should not be going to Iraq. Is he out (or getting out) of the military? Is he National Guard or Reserves, etc.?

It doesn't really matter how much money you make . . . spending always increase as income increases . . . making more money doesn't solve debt problems. Spending has to change.

Can't take daughter to military medicine?

[christopherm317]

No, he was on base most of the time. Rarely ever went off base. Never in combat but had some close encounters. Other people from his unit {national guard} have had problems adjusting back into life. They wont say what all they did though. As far as spending well lets just say I'm the one to come to when you need to save money. I only buy on sale with coupons. I know where to go to get the cheapest prices on ever single thing in a home food, cleaning, clothes ex.. I shop smart. Thank God. Spending is not the issue you cant spend what you don't have. I stretch every penny. Nothing is saving us from debt. This private security thing seems to be the only way out. As far as my daughter yeah I can take her to a military hospital one state over. Even if I could do that my car probably wouldn't make it and can't afford the gas to get there or back. I'm not one of those people who complain about money and have 20k in valuables. I would pawn if I had something of value. I honestly have no options here.

[jennie]

National Guard and the Reserves have it rougher than active duty Army. If your husband was stationed in combat zones, no telling how stressful it was for him. Those Iraq job contracts are very seductive with the pay, however, they are very stressful and dangerous. Exposure to the UF6 and other chemicals pollutants most likely cause health problems for everyone over there in Iraq, which can cause birth defects to say the least. If you wanting future children with your hubby, then research the facts. Research the Gulf War illnesses. If the risks outweigh the benefits . . . .

((((((((((((Huggs)))))))))))) seems like difficult decisions. Please talk to counselors, family, clergy, and friends about this. Get all the support you can.

[christopherm317]

I don't like the choices my husband has made. If he had never gone active financially we would be fine. Him going active ruined all of our plans and has made him a pain to deal with. I hear I'm a man I'll decide so many times. Before he left he had respect for me. The way he speaks to me now would never have happened two years ago. Active duty has changed him. That's not the point. We have to make the choice of him going to Iraq or staying home. If he stays we have to sacrifice and struggle to survive. He goes he misses part of our daughters life once again. He wont be here to watch her grow. And he's at risk of some many different dangers. But we can provide a much better life for our daughter. Either way we have to make changes. To push the matter more. If he stays home in the next year he goes to Iraq with his unit If not sooner. A lot less money just as much danger and still no guarantee for safety. Oh and for a longer duration eighteen months atleast. This is what has pushed my husband to this option of Private Security. Either way he goes' to Iraq.

[Wants2Fly]

This is a really rough choice for you and your husband, Christopherm. I certainly don't envy you having to make such a hard decision.

I hate this war and all that it stands for and all that it has done. War is fought on the back of the poor.

I am so sorry that you have to face this.

Peace and many blessings. May you find a miracle.

[jennie]

Will he be no longer National Guard if he does the Private Security? Or will he be doing the Private Security until his unit gets called up again?

I thought this article was interesting on the Private Security contractors in Iraq http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...2005Apr22.html

[christopherm317]

He has to send a request form to nation guard to ask permission to take a leave. So he could go private security and resume nation guard when he returned.

[ickydog2006]

I am sorry for your situation, I am still in highschool so I don't have much to say. Our next door neighbor and close friend did the whole Iraq thing and it has turned out really well for him. He is now back at home safe and sound with money that he too needed. I just thought I would try to offer as much hope as I can. Hope things get better.

[Wants2Fly]

Good point, IckyDog. Of course, the service will be risky, as Christopherm knows. But depression twists everything into the "worst case scenario" and then into the "only case scenario."

Whereas there are usually other more hopeful outcomes, too, as you point out.

[Mahali]

bump