An Endless Desert...

Life has lately been like an endless desert for me...The effort to keep it together is formidable... I dont want to keep it together cos I hate it....I hate going to work, I hate to keep being the selfless dolt while others talk and communicate... WHAT the hell is their problem? Is my face too bad, Am I a serious moron! I laugh, I reach out, I CARE, I am There for them... Yet they dont notice... WHY doesnt anyone send me a text message on my cell phone...WHY doesnt someone invite me to dinner... WHY doesnt someone call me to check how I am doing...I am dying, I see no point in living... I cant run away, I cant die...What the hell does God want from me I ask! If someone was needed to be selfless and care for these stupid bafoons then why not send an angel from the heavens! Why choose a poor pack of emotions A.K.A human for this extravagant mission! Know what guys I finally have to declare that I am completely Lost and I just have to go through this useless period of time I have left in this pathetic cold dark and unfriendly world...I hate this world I hate the pollution and I hate the fake games they play and the fake warmth they give...I just want to run far far away and never look back... Go to a place where nobody knows me and I can be invisible without feeling bad about it...
They make all the inappropriate jokes and cross the line during work hours, make silly mistakes even after having all the experience and I am being belittled by my dad for little mistakes and turned down for being too caring...Well I will let them know that If they wanna play it bad they dont know who they are messing with... I say BEWARE to them... I am a very nice guy but i am a VERY menacing enemy if i am provoked... GO TO HELL ! to those patheric lame brains and spineless MORONS!!!

ck23 i would like to be your friend. would that be ok? im here if you wanna talk.

What does your therapist say?

Guys I wasnt referring to this site.... You guys are a revelation but the outside world is a suckfest! Byzantine I cant afford a therapist cos I am struggling to complete my papers and lending a hand to Dad who doesnt make enough money cos of his hard as nails Principles ....I badly need to be in a job but I am not eligible without a degree and clearing papers is tough with domineering parents!

"Beware the wrath of a quiet man." - Chinese proverb

CK23, in choosing to hate

• pollution
• fake games
• fake warmth

I believe you have chosen to hate rightly.

May this season of your life pass quickly, and may your appreciation of its lessons make you shine all the brighter.

Um, I am with Rohag. Time to find people that do not have those ndgative qualities you listed. Sigh, we learn something new everyday don't we?

guide your anger, dear. I think God chose us to be his hands in this world because the angels, already perfect, would gain nothing themselves from being so used. We, on the other hand, grow and become more like Him who wields us. People are generally very frightened, self interested creatures who don't dare look at themselves for fear of what they might see. In doing so, they seek fault in others (your father, perhaps) and miss not only the bad, but the wealth of good they also bear inside. So they go on living in a shallow little world. You see this right now. It is a suckfest.
Be carefull you do nothing that might lead you to regret your actions, and feel worse about yourself than you do. Stupid people are impressed by stupid things, do you want to cheapen yourself by making yourself impressive to them?
There is also the problem of depression, CK. All to often it blinds us to the good that is being done and said about and to us; we discount it when it happens and we miss it all too often completely this is the illness, CK, not you, but be aware that it can do this so your anger doesn't go out on those who did not mean you harm. Otherwise I agree with Rohag. you are angry at the right things.
Hugggs, and I really hope that there is some solution out there for you. Frustrating being so breakable and fragile with such a big mission, but I thing God knows what he's doing with you. Huggsa again to you and your wife.

Lonegael I agree with you regarding everything you wrote...Loneliness has become so agonizing lately that I can't fight off the depression it used to bring...I mean prevously I would make myself busy and actually enjoy music, going out, t.v shows, books to manage and supress the depression... I guess lack of companionship and abusive relationships always made me feel depressed but I somehow managed to put up a formidable resistance not only in terms of work and my future but also in terms of relaxation and entertainment...However nowadays it feels like each day is like walking on coals I can no longer enjoy activities that previously used to keep my depression at bay and the 'Need' for companionship is hammering my chest like a raging bull...The worst of it is that even my wife is not comforting me...Two years of effort in making her open up have led to nothing... she doesnt make me laugh, she doesnt talk on the phone and she is very sensitive about any hard remarks...I thought the 'friend' i had online maybe someone who would help me through this crisis but respecting her boundaries and reaching out have led to nothing... she barely notices me...I don't know guys, I simply hate the situation I am in and apart from putting up a resistance I have run out of hope and options...

my name is tyler
im new 2 this site

I hear your pain, CK. Loud and clear. My heart aches for you.

You are a wonderful man. I don't want you to loose hope. Please continue to fight for happiness, companionship, and love. You deserve these things.
I am wishing all the goodness life has to offer.

Thank you so much Berries... You are a lovely person yourself which is why you find the good in others...

Quick note to TYty: Hi, welcome! Start up a thread and tell us about yourself!