[Miss Laura]

I have been diagnoissied with having depression. My doc to begin with said I was extremely close to being Clinically Depressed. I had to go back after 2 weeks. I went back and she prescribed prozac.

I have been on Prozac now for 2 weeks. The side effects were horrific to begin with. But I muddled through.

You just don't realise how low you are until you are very low.

I use to have a sort of eating disorder- I was not anorexic but I ahd issues with food.

After the death of both my Grandparents I turned to alcohol, I started hanging around with this girl who was a bad influence on me and we use to get drunk every night. I got used by her and she ditched me in a club. I then stupidly agreed to meet her at the water front. Guess what she wasnt there. Then I started drinking while there and crying. I tried to committ suicide. I didnt though hence telling the tale.

I developed OCD when I had my eating issues, this is getting worse but is still managable.

I was constantly fighting with my folks and mt twin sister.

I have always hid this from people and dealt with all these issues myself by putting my happy smiley face on and sayinf everything is "fine" when actually I am dying to tell someone but dont want people to think I am an idiot.

I was in work and started to cry for no reason, I had been doing it a lot but never at work. i confided in a friend about everything and she thought I was depressed. So I eventually made the appointment at the docs.

I am glad I did it but its really hard when on a low day as I have let my guard down. I am not "fine" anymore. I am struggling/drowning and people have now realised it

[Rohag]

Hi, Miss Laura!

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I am not "fine" anymore. I am struggling/drowning and people have now realised it

As scary as it is having your illness exposed, my personal reaction to this is "Good!" You don't have to invest so much psychic energy acting as if everything is OK; you can channel that energy into constructive coping - no easy job in itself.

You know we're here as you confront a new set of challenges.

[Naturefreak]

Miss Laura
It's nice to get what's on your mind out there . Where someone is listening , someone who cares , someone who has been there , someone who understands. PC is the best place there is when it comes to that . There is always someone who will give you a hug , give you some encouragement , or just listen. Stick around and keep us updated on how you are feeling. Many hugs to you and I hope you are feeling better soon . Take care and know we care

[lonegael]

(((((miss Laura))))). welcome. I'm sorry you've been feeling so badly. I know it's scary having dropped the guard and told someon, but really, if she was sympathetic, then it probably was no mistake. You needed to tell someone. Take care of yourself, and keep posting!

Good luck, Miss Laura!

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((( Miss Laura ))))))))))))))))))

I am glad that you reached out for help by seeing the doctor, that is a great first step.

[headintheclouds6]

Thank you for sharing, it takes a lot of courage. I hope you find some support here that you're looking for...

[sashasiegel]

prozac didnt work quite well for me it almost didnt work at all maybe you should get the dosage up'd or get put on a differenet anti depressant unless you think or feel its working which it doesnt seem it is but it also takes time.

[lynn09]

Hi, Miss Laura. The first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that it exists, and now you've done that and taken the appropriate first steps to taking control of your life and health. It takes at least 3 weeks for Prozac to accumulate in your system to start experiencing some real therapeutic effects, so be patient. Does your pdoc also provide psychotherapy? If not, you might want to consider finding a good T who can help you maneuver through the depression - as they say, "Know thine enemy." The more you understand how it affects you, the better you will be able to develop coping mechanisms to protect yourself and learn to heal. Please keep posting and let us know how things are progressing, and know that there are plenty of us here who know the terrain pretty well and can lend a helping hand.

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys thanks,

I am not seeing a therapist or anything, however I am gonna ask my GP if I can as my mates and family are good but I need more help.

I am feeling really weird as although I have told people its still like a weight is on my shoulder. I am having nightmares about my past(school mainly) I was bullied when I was 8 and 12 years old and I have all of a sudden started having nightmares about it again. I am actually re-living that one. I am also having a dream and re-living my childhood when my Dad would tickle me and it makes me smile. I am still pretty low and as I have told my mates I am hoping for a quick fix which I actually don't think is possible. I have always thought I was indestructable and my mate is saying no-one is but I have always felt I have been indestructable.

[greyday]

Hey Miss Laura, it soulds like a therapist is exactly what you need. You have some issues you need to work through, the eating problems, the drinking and the reasons behind your drinking, and your OCD. The nightmares are something you can work on in therapy!

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

I have been took off of prozac as I am having sever side effects(sore head, sickness, dizzieness). I am to go back next Thursday for a follow up where I will be put on new meds. DOn't know which ones though. I am gonna see a counsellor too, my GP never referred me I said it may be best and she agreed and said between the meds and the counselling I should get the full effect of it.

I am calling a counselling service tomorrow for an appointment.

I was given a questionairre to fill in and the result was according to my doc was that I was possibly anxious. So she asked me a few question about being in a group etc and says my answers appear to be due to anxiety as well as depression. So who knows

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys, feeling pretty low now a days. Everything is just getting too much to handle. I have now gone back to crying, lying in my bed, not eating, not washing, not even brushing my teeth or hair. I just don't have the energy or motivation to do these things when I don't have to. My ocd is slightly worst as I am now thinking of germs etc.

My work has a counselling service but there is a problem with that, that my manager is looking into. The leaflet my doc gave me on counselling has a 2-3 month waiting list. I can not afford to go private etc hence looking into free counselling.

I am really unhappy, my mates are worried too. I am off for 2 days and I have stuff planned for my days off. Not every single minute of the day but some of the time. My mates and family are worried incase I retreat into my shell of stated above no motivation or get up and go feeling.

I am back at the Doctor's on Thursday and I will ask I think for at least a week's line. My boss and my best mate are worried incase I delve deeper into depression but I just need a time out. I know myself I am capable of going back to my old roots. But I
just have no more energy left.

Having nightmares and dreams about my past and possible things ie my funeral. Just the way it would go and who would be there and what my folks and siblings would think, say, feel and do

I just don't know anymore
I am wanting to take time off work but I don't know if I will get paid as my work is a bit funny about paying when ill.

[lonegael]

((((Miss Laura)))) Those waiting lists are quite literally killers. A lot of politicians don't seem to understand that just becuase the care is there in theory doesn't mean that people are getting the care when they need it. See if you can take it as easy on yourself as you can. Can you find someone who is willing to help you get out an walk or get some other type of excercise? That can be a big help in depression, even though it is so hard to get out and motivated. Keep posting here, too. Hang in there, dear. I'm sorry things are so hard, Huggs

[lynn09]

((((((((((Miss Laura))))))))) Hope you are feeling better soon and are able to get the care you need.

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

Right I had my 1st session with my counsellor. It was good as it was in my house as the counsellor is within a service called Direction which my work provides. It was an hour long and we actually spoke a lot about a lot of things. Its amazing how much you can say in an hour. Anyways, I have my 2nd session next week and this session will define how many more session I will need as my work only pays for 4 sessions. I have no idea how much the sessions are outwith my work.

I

[Miss Laura]

Sorry my computer plays up..............

I was told by my counsellor I had to get a book out the library called Assertiviness by someone Dickinson. I can not get this book anywhere. So I have took out 4 other books on confidence. Interesting. I have low self-esteem etc but I never knew how badly until you look at yourself properly. Anyways I have no idea anymore, I will just need to wait and see

[Miss Laura]

Right so the festivites have now ended.... Hope you all had a great Christmas

My Christmas was super. It was different from a "normal" Christmas.

I had just 1 big problem over the festivites. I had my work's night out the week before Christmas. I haven't been in work for now nearly 5 weeks. My doc signed me off as my depression has been a bit ott. Anyways my 2 mates encouraged me to go as I haven't been going out etc etc etc. The 1st half of the night was great. I had a good time and everyone was not treating me like a freak. They still don't know they just think I am run down. Anyways I had a few drinks, I haven't been drinking since I am on meds but thought I might as well as I needed cheering up. We went from a pub to a club and in the club I needed to get some air. So I went to go out but it was snowing so just moved to a seating area and out of the blue started crying. I just couldn't stop. I mean I was proper crying and I don't know why. I was spotted by a colleague who doesn't know why I am off sick. She went and got my 2 mates and I ended up being comforted by them. Firstly I am embarrassed for crying in the club, Secondly I am embarrassed for needing my friends to hug me, Thirdly I am blaming the alcohol. But I don't know how to overcome this. I was apologising lke mad to my mates and they were like don't worry but I am. What if it happens again, what if I cant stop crying???? God its a nightmare.

So for New Years I have decided to do nothing. My folks always have a party but this year I am not going. I am not into New Years. My colleague invited me and my mate and her voyfriend to her's to celebrate the new year with her and her boyfriend. I have declined as I do not want to be the gooseberry as usual on a special night. My sis wants me to go out on Hogmanay(Dec 31st) with her and her mates but I am just not in the mood. I am back at the doc's on Wed 30th I am wanting to go back to work. I am on shift as on New Years Night a backshift with my service user. I said I would pop into my Aunts after my shift to see the family.

Anyways thought I better update this.

[Tumnus]

Miss Laura, I know how tough things can get. Even without depression our emotions can be pretty overwhelming. I was the family downer this Christmas and it's not fun. I've been invited to hang out with some friends on New Year's Eve, but I haven't decided if I can go and put on a happy face or not. If not, I think I will see a movie by myself to keep from getting myself more depressed by staying at home. Is doing something out of the house by yourself an option for you?

[FeelingHopeful]

[QUOTE=Tumnus;1239109]Miss Laura, I know how tough things can get. Even without depression our emotions can be pretty overwhelming. I was the family downer this Christmas and it's not fun. I've been invited to hang out with some friends on New Year's Eve, but I haven't decided if I can go and put on a happy face or not. If not, Aww Tumnus. Hugs I was the same way this yr with my family! I ts so hard to fake a smile.

[lonegael]

(((((MissLaura))))) if you started crying like that you probably needed to. All alcohol does is lower the threshold for setting off the tears. Don't worry abot the friends having to hug you, because I bet that they felt that they were at least able to do something to help you, and that is a great relief for those who are friends with someone who is depressed. Our loved ones can feel so helpless. I'm also sure the pub has seen worse than you crying with your friends
Glad that you had a good Christmas and were able to get out some. It sounds like a good plan for New Years that you have, too. Huggggs.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Tumnus,

Ye suppose I could do something on my own outwith the house. I just want to chill and do nothing. I want this year to be over with and the new one to start. Is it bad that I don't want to celebrate it and just want to stay in?? I am unsure what my flatmate is doing for Hogmanay she is indecisive at the moment. What are you gonna do??

[Miss Laura]

Hey Lonegeal,

Thanks, Ye suppose the pub has seen a lot worse than me crying. I apologised to my friends as its not nice someone crying on you and in public too. I guess I haven't properly cried in a long time and I suppose it was time I did do that. I think I forget that my friends are having to live life with my depression too and its not only me who has a lot of new things to deal with. I hope my friends know I needed it. I am not one for hugs and my friend said that she was surprised I let them hug me. Guess I needed a hug too!!!

[FeelingHopeful]

Miss Laura. Its not bad you feel that way. You have to do what makes you comfortable. I feel the samw way . I dread new yrs. Please be good to yourself. Sending a Big Hug!!

[Miss Laura]

Hey FeelingSad,

You shouldn't dread New Years, just think its a start of a new and better year for you. I know that's what I am thinking. I am turning 25 in Feb and want to, to celebrate a quarter of a century go hand-gliding which looks soooo cool!!! I thought that could be something I could work towards as I am scared of heights etc. I hate New Years as my Dad always starts fights with me. So I am kinda wanting to stay away from the family for a couple of days. Last Hogmanay I worked NightShift just so I could escape the fighting for at least 1 year and he started on me when I got up for my shift that night. So this year I have decided not to go anywhere near my family for Hogmanay. I will visit them on New Year's Day though as I am working a backshift at work. I said to my mum that I would pop into my Aunt's after work where they will all be. So I am not totally abondoning them altogether. I am just taking a wee breather for a change.

Just make a decision about the New Year. Do something different and spontaeous.

I know I will still eb finding the New Year hard to handle etc but I am trying to stay positive about it. ROLL ON 2010!!!!