So Sad...Too Sad...

I've been sad for a very long time and I havn't really been able to talk to anyone about it. I can't talk to my family or friends...they just don't understand why I feel the way I do. When I have tried to talk to my family about it they have just kept asking me "why,why, why, why...why do you feel the way you do?" I havn't been able to give them a clear reason to why I feel so unhappy and they don't seem do understand that I'm just not happy. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm so unhappy.

Since it's really hard to talk to my family, I have been pretending that everything is ok for the last couple of years. I have been pretending with my family and friends that everything is ok and that I'm happy when in fact I am no way near being remotely happy. It's getting harder and harder for me to pretend that everything is ok.

And in regards with that I have started to get away from everything and everyone around me. I havn't really talked with any of my friends in several months. I don't talk to my family unless I'm forced to. This last month I hated going to every holiday family party I had to go to. I lied and tolds friends that I will be out of town so that I didn't have to see anyone. I stopped going to work and have not been working for the last couple of months. I told my family that I am still working and I use that as an excuse as to not see them as much anymore.

I have completely isolated myself as much as I am able to do, even though now I am living with my parents. I get up in the morning and leave my house by telling my parents I'm going to work and come home late and go to my room saying I'm tired from a long day at work. I spend my hours away just reading or watching movies. I read alot and escape from the real world into my books.

I stopped thinking about my future and stopped worrying about what I'm going to do. I am not even sure I want a future anymore. I'm completely avoiding making any decisions about finding a new job and avoiding responsibilities. I know I can't keep this up much longer...and my family will find out that I've been lying about going to work. I just don't care. I feel completely numb to the future and I'm just stuck on being sad. So Sad

Hello & Welcome, Lostforevermore!

Some people have developed pretending into an art. I am not one of those people. Pretending everything's OK when it isn't drains me. I suppose (?) it drains you, too, otherwise you wouldn't be reaching out.

As much as you can, politely ignore unhelpful people and seek help. Your post speaks Depression. Have you explored your options for evaluation and treatment where you live?

Lost forevermore,Im sorry your having such a rough time,I can relate a little bit,I am glad your on here,it feels good to reach out.Its been helping me deal with my depression. Please continue to post.

Hello, Lostforevermore. Do you have a psychiatrist and therapist? What you are talking about is serious. Please get the help you need now. Take a chance on having a better life. Do it today.

Please keep on posting so we know how you are doing. Good luck and pax vobiscum.

Hi Lost and welcome to PC. You won't have to pretend around here. That should be some relief. Take heed the wisdom that is shared with you because it comes from being where you are in your suffering today.

I am one of those master pretenders. There have been occassions when I would let the truth out but the expectation that I would recover brought the pretender out again when my times of sadness were too tiring for others to witness.

It sounds like you are really in its grip right now. I am sorry you are suffering. You acknowledge that you can't avoid taking some kind of action for much longer. You know you are stuck and its just a matter of time before you are found out. Meanwhile you suffer on.

Your sadness, hopelessness and pain can be turned around if and when you find a place to turn for help. You are not alone. Many have been in your shoes who have returned to living full and productive lives. PC is full of such people.

Common among them all is that they took that big step out the door to ask for help. To learn about the causes of their suffering, accept the necessary treatment and begin the process of recovery. They have accepted that the sadness will not go away on its own. They admit that they want more from life and don't want the sadness to cut them off any more. You too can get your life back with a little help from people in the know.

With the last bit of energy you have talk to your parents or your doctor or drop into a mental health centre. Hang on to the last thread of hope for a better future and find that starting place. That is usually the hardest step and once you take it, I promise you, the doors will open up and the light will comes on and hope can be restored.

Meanwhile, rest with us and let it out so that at very least until you take the step out the door for help you know you are not alone. We get it and we feel for you.

Welcome ,dear, the first big step was trying to talk to people at home. Next step, as many have said, is to get professional help. I think it was brave of you to start paosting, and I really hope thatyou continue. Hang in there, and looking forward to hearing from you again. Huggs

[quote=TheByzantine;1257174]Hello, Lostforevermore. Do you have a psychiatrist and therapist? What you are talking about is serious. Please get the help you need now. Take a chance on having a better life. Do it today.

I have starting seeing a counselor and she has been helping me with some of these issues, but it's hard for me to be completely honest with someone. I have been more honest on these posts then I have been able to be with my conselor in person. I don't know it's just hard for me to be honest and tell her how bad it is for me...it's almost like I don't want her to think bad of me. I think if I tell her how bad it is she would want to put me in a center for a while and then my family will find out how sad I am...and I don't really want to tell my family. I don't want them to think bad of me and be upset. But the counselor I have been seeing has been able to help...she is the one who told me about this site and told me that maybe talking to other people who feel the way I do might help me.

Gosh do I understand what your saying! That is exactly how I am. Not the job part but the hiding away and avoiding friends and family. I just want to hide here in my house and just be left alone. The smallest task like going to pick up my daughter at school seems like such a huge task but I do it. I don't want to do anything I used to enjoy. I have talked to my husband and my mom about my depression and they just don't get it. My mom is sympathetic as my dad was manic depresant and had panic attacks. She doesn't know what it feels like but she is compassionate and tries. And I love her for that . NOBODY else understands what it is like.

I have no reason to be unhappy. NONE. My marriage is pretty good, my kids drive me nuts but there supposed to. Finances are bad but that is it.

Just joining this group has made me feel so much better. Just seeing posts describing exactly how I feel. Knowing I am NOT alone out here.