So Anxious - Can You Help?

As I type, I feel the anxiety building. I struggle with this every morning just thinking of the day of loneliness ahead of me. The anxiety usually builds until it triggers the depression. I'm so afraid of this illness.

The good news is I am seeing my new therapist in about an hour. Perhaps I am anxious over this first meeting, but that doesn't explain why I feel this way every morning. I can't stand to be in my home, so I make a special effort to get out. However, I'm neglecting my home. I just feel so lonely at home and the depression attacks me. I still have such sorrow and grief over the death of my cat, yet I have other kitties that need me, but it is just not the same. So this makes me feel guilty that I leave them alone so much. The death of my cat affected me more than any human death. Perhaps because I don't attach to people very easily. The pain and sorrow is still so overwhelming and it has been almost two years. I'm hoping my new therapist can teach me some coping skills.

Am I crazy? Am I sinking into something I will not come back from? I've suffered with depression most of my life, but there have also been times when I could cope. Now it seems as though I can not cope with life. I feel pathetic and worthless. Lonely beyond belief. I take meds, but I guess we haven't reached the proper dosage. I'm just lost. Can anyone relate? I could use a few words of comfort.

Hi, Georgiaonmymind!
Great! How did it go?
My condolences on the passing of your friend. You're understandably sad; did you have a chance to properly mourn? Do/did you have a mourning ritual to give shape to your loss?
Speculation: Having suffered with depression so long, it is probable depression will continue to be a part of your life, at times more intrusive, at other times less so. You've had your ups and downs; you will probably continue to do so. Working with your caretakers you may be able to gradually - even dramatically - decrease the influence of depression over your day-to-day existence. At least, that's what I hope for you.

Good luck with getting the help you need.