[anjelmarie]

I have no one to talk to, I have lost my friends thanks to depression, I'm estranged from family due to my Mom's passing and things they did and how they treated me. The 4 year anniversary of her death is Monday and I'm not doing well. I can't even talk about it to my siblings they don't even answer my emails but I see them on facebook all the time posting. I have lost alot because of depression. I wonder why I am even here still. I wonder what is the point. I'm miserable and I'm dragging my bf down with me. I have to clean up a lot of messes I have made because of depression and stupidness. I am sick of my own self!

[Rohag]

Hi, Anjelmarie.

Originally Posted by anjelmarie

I am sick of my own self!

Were it not for apathy and absentmindedness, that phrase would constantly echo within me, too.

I'm sorry for your mother's passing and also for the unhappy memories of poor treatment by family. Do you have your own mourning ritual that is uniquely yours? Something you do to remember your mother that doesn't involve those who hurt you?

May Monday's sadness carry a few happy, fulfilling memories with it.

[Gabi925]

Okay, I think we are here for talking.
But a walk outside - start with 10 min, increasing the period of time. Put in your mind to enjoy it and look around and smile. You'll make other friends, in the reality too, and who knows, later you'll talk again with the old ones.
Till then I will come here to see what you say about your walking and how you feel.

[Elana05]

Hey anjelmarie,
My thoughts are with you... do you have any kind of additional support of a therapist or meds? Those might help a bit. Please don't be too hard on yourself... mourning takes as long as it takes, sometimes it can be years and the pain is still right there. A therapist can really help to sort out those feelings. It's not your fault. With Rohag, I wish you some comforting and fulfilling memories tomorrow... Do you have a botanical garden near you? I have found these places very calming. Did you ever find church comforting? Maybe a moment of peace may be found there...

[Mike_J]

Do you trust your boyfriend?

If the answer is yes, then trust that the good he sees in you is real.

Hello, anjelmarie. Are you receiving professional help. What you are doing does not seem to be working. Why not increase the odds of success by getting help?

[feddy]

I just wanted to tell you that I understand. I lost my mother when I was 11. Sunday will be the 20th anniversary of her death. I still mourn her loss and sometimes I miss her as if I lost her only yesterday. After her passing, I also lost many friends and years later, found myself estranged from my family because of the different ways that we all coped with her death. In my case, after my first battle with depression and a lot of therapy, we were able to work through it and I now have a wonderful relationship with my father, step-mother and sisters. Now they, along with my husband, are my biggest support network as I move through my second battle with depression.

But, I also struggled with estrangement from friends and family and a feeling that I would never overcome the grief and depression. It is a process that you continue to move through forever but it does get better with time. As I approach my mother's 20th anniversary, I am filled partly with saddness but more with love.

I would ask the same question that others who have posted have asked - are you seeing a therapist and are you taking any meds to help you? These are things you should consider if you are not, as they have really helped me (and are helping me again.)

I understand what you are feeling and my heart goes out to you.

Feddy