[findingmy_self95]

Im broken and hurt and my heart is smashed and I only just realised....its my fault.I dont know what to do im lost inside myself and confused....I dont think Ive been in a depression as deep as this before. I thought suicide was a normal thought for depressed people, but iit wasnt, then i tried to end my own life... That was 2 months ao, now I have thoughts of suicide every second, on how, when, where and then i get spurs of the moment where i really want to do it and Im not scared of trying again...

Im just totally ****ed up...Im the worst friend in the world.... I had a lot of self control in the past 2 months but I dont know how much i have left.

My life sucks...Ive lost 2 amazing friends in the past 2 weeks and its both my fault...My mistakes are bting me in the ***...Im alone and all I wanna do is cry....

I dont have a T i have a teenager social worker I talk to but she doesnt help at all and its pissing me off

The ****ed up thing is, i walk to school, so when I cross a street a hope to god that a car will hit me.............I have nothing left to turn to, im almost emotionless now, at least in my facial expressions, i have 2, looking happy and ******

I wanna cry but I have to goto school so any advice for after I get home, if i make it through the day, would be amazing, just knowing there someone out there for me, even tho i know there isnt

Hillary

[englishteacher]

Brennan, I can't think of anything too helpful, but I wanted to say that I heard you and I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain. Can you get a different therapist?

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by englishteacher

Can you get a different therapist?

If you made an attempt only two months ago, you certainly need someone more experienced than a teen-aged social worker.

"Losing" two good friends in the past two weeks counts as a major trauma. You are always welcome to come here and go on and on. Yet I would hope there's someone solid in your world there to whom who you can turn for safe face-to-face care.

Please keep posting

[tryingtobeme]

(((((((((((((((Brennan))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are hurting so much and can only see one way out. I can relate so I do understand the point you are at.

Please go to the ER if you are really feeling like you will do it. Even if you are unsure if you can control your feelings. I would be good for you to go. They should be able to set you up with a pdoc and therapist right there. Then you wouldn't have to go to the social worker your seeing.

I urge you to go to keep yourself safe. It can be scary but it will be okay. Please do take good care of youself.

Post when you can to let us know how you are doing.

Hello, Brennan11007. If your parents will not get you help today, please go to the emergency room or call 911. You have been looking for help for a long time. Suicide is serious. Tell these people you are having suicidal ideations and that your parents will not help you.

Good luck.

[findingmy_self95]

I didnt actually lose them physically but one friend and I are okay but one friend wont talk to me and suicide seems like the only option left now...... I have nothing to live for

[desperate&disturbed]

im sooo sorry that sounds absolutely horrible.
if you ever want to talk just send me a message. things WILL get better!

[findingmy_self95]

No it wont...i know that but Im dealing

[LoneScout]

Hello Bennan - i used to have obsessive thoughts of suicidal ideations also, and I lost my friends because I scared them all away. But there is hope, for me it was due to a chemical imbalance. I recommend going to see a psychiatrist, this changed my life (and saved me) we don't have the run of mill depression. I think you should know that you are your keeper, which means if you are acting on these feelings.. actions.. you have everyright to call 911 or go the emergency room (or entitle yourself to call a suicide hotline Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.) your worth it.
You don't know what the future will bring.. really.. I lived though it and things have really changed.
Check out the video
Reference URL:

Try to make it through, please try to make it better, UR not alone.

you can see a psychiatrist w/o ur parents at a local clinic...

[feddy]

Brennan, like Lonescout, I also suffer from a chemical imbalance and I also used to think about suicide all the time. That was many, many years ago and my psychiatrist also saved my life. For me, a combination of therapy and the right medication changed me in ways that I can't even describe. And all of the friends that I thought I'd lost (there were many) came back - I hadn't lost them at all, they just didn't know how to support me or relate to me when I was as depressed as I was. They are still my closest friends today.

10 years ago, I came very, very close to ending my life and I am soooo glad that I didn't. The years since have been wonderful and so many things have happened that I would never have experienced or known.

Brennan, if your family won't help, please call 911 or go to the emergency room. You might be surprised just how helpful your parents would be if you told them the truth...I was. I didn't think they would but when I asked for help they were there for me when I really needed them. But if you can't do that, go to the hospital. They will help you.

Please contact me if you want to talk.

Feddy

[lxegirl]

I'm sorry!!!! You know you have to pull through, it's whats going to help you in the end. You can be happy in the future, it'll just take a while to get there...maybe find someone else to talk to, there is always someone you wouldn't expect. And people really don't judge. Good Luck, i know you can make it!!