Can depression "hide"?

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety a few years ago, and I'm doing pretty well. Recently though, I came out as bisexual to my parents, and their negative reaction on top of the stress of my first year at college has been pretty difficult to handle. I've made it past the worst part of the hurting when it comes to Mom and Dad, thankfully, but other stuff has been bugging me.

I'm already sure that my meds are not managing my anxiety the way they should, but that I'm at least aware of--I'm uncertain if depression can linger under the surface, so that it affects your life but you don't really "feel" depressed.

To explain: I've been having a lot more trouble doing anything productive, getting out of bed, going to classes, cleaning, basic stuff like that. I just want to sleep all the time. I feel happy, mostly, I have nice friends and an amazing girlfriend and whenever I'm with her I feel wonderful, but... it's odd. My anxiety has definitely been worse lately, but the feeling that I want to sleep and not face the day because sleep is so much easier and feels better, not being able to manage my workload (which is pretty light), eating at weird times, odd sleep schedule... all of that to me says "Caution! Depression!" Is it possible to feel happy and still be depressed???

your symptoms could be depression...or they could be boredom - maybe a trip to the doctor to have your meds checked would be a good place to start?

Wanting to sleep and "not face the day" does not sound like you are really happy...maybe friends and your girlfriend are helping keep you from being really depressed, which is great, but that doesn't mean that a chemical imbalance isn't throwing you out of whack...

You do not need to feel down to be depressed. Most of the time, I am not down, but I am depressed. I too determine it more from lack of interest and the inability to do things. Sometimes anxiety can signal an increase in depression. Some of my worst times had severe anxiety along with the depression.

Sadly, I won't be able to get to my doctor for another month (when school ends), but thanks for the suggestion, englishteacher. I did talk to her about my ill-managed anxiety when I was home over break, and she suggested increasing the dose of the meds that I'm currently on, but I can't pay for it out of pocket and don't know if insurance would reimburse my 'rents for it (huzzah for Big Pharma, huh?). Hopefully I can get things sorted out over the summer.

Leacon, what you're describing sounds exactly like what I'm feeling right now. I didn't immediately think "depression" when it started because usually I can "feel" when I'm depressed very acutely--the feeling of depression is unique, and easy to identify. I guess this might be different because it's brought on by stress?

And I guess.... I'm working really hard at being happy. I SHOULD be, and I'm plowing through the difficult stuff as best I can, but it takes a lot of work to be happy when your world is turned upside down over the course of a week. Meh.

Someone please correct me if I am wrong, but I am under the impression that clinical depression never goes away? You can treat it with medicine and go to therapy and it might go into remission but if you have true depression I think it is a lifelong thing, please someone tell me if I am right or wrong in this assumption of mine. I am speaking of clinical depression of course and not just a general rough spot in your life or "feeling down" which are different than clinical depression. So under my assumptions it is very possible to be depressed and not know it, if that makes any sense?

You're absolutely right Alexandria04--my kind of depression is, as far as most folks can tell, a lifelong thing. That said, with the way I feel on the surface right now, mostly happy, involved, willing to go out and do things most of the time, it seems like it's being managed pretty well by meds and the like. I'm just worried that it's affecting me more than what I can feel on the surface.

Aannnnddd sorry for the double post, but here I am, doing it again. On the computer all day instead of cleaning my dorm, organizing my stuff, doing homework and applying for jobs. WTF??? I thought I had it under control, guys. I really did. This is so discouraging.

At the very least, thank God for my girlfriend. If she hadn't brought up the fact that maybe there was something behind me skipping classes besides laziness, I might never have started noticing this trend! <3

I'm glad for this post because it explains part of what's going on with me right now. I can be happy, I really can. I go out with a friend or my boyfriend and have a good time. But lately I've been sleeping more, being messy not getting things done etc.

I'd like to respond to one thing you said:

SHOULD you be happy? What is should? Where does this idea of what you should be feeling come from? I think looking into that belief/feeling might help you a lot.

Also, I'm not sure if you can "work really hard at being happy". Don't get me wrong , you can DEFINITELY do things to improve your mood. But feelings are FEELINGS, we can't control them!
I believe you can do positive things to help, like get enough sleep, the right type of food, choose activities that you enjoy, hang out with positive friends (and your GF I'm sure ), etc. But you can't say "I'm going to be happy now and I'm going to try REAAAALL hard to get there!" Keep that in mind as you go through your day - if your meds aren't working right that's something too!

Also, try not to fell feel pressured to be happy. Everyone, not just the depressed, suffer from feelings of sadness at some point. There is no emotional "norm" - your mood WILL fluctuate. So enjoy the happy times when they come, experience the bad when they come. You can't change them. You CAN change how you react to them and how you set up your environment (hopefully in a way that makes you happier )

Hope this wasn't too out there, just my thoughts. Take gentle care.

This sounds like me. Never fear, you arent alone! haha. >_>

Thanks so much for the encouragement, SophiaG, and the great insight, Turquosesea! You're absolutely right when it comes to not "working" to be happy--but I do have a bad habit of hiding emotions from myself.

Today I had a bit of a breakdown and ended up crying in my girlfriend's arms. FINALLY broke through whatever wall I was keeping between me and my emotions and admitted to myself that I am working desperately, desperately hard while my mental health issues are getting worse and worse and my parents have rejected me, and it's becoming overwhelming. I felt SO much better after that and things are looking a little better--applied for one job, sent out a feeler for another, and went to my evening class even though I didn't want to.

Thank you everyone for your support. You are all so kind. Turquoisesea, if you ever want to PM me or chat about what's going on with you to compare notes, please feel free!

Depression is a mental illness and I don't think it's cured by being happy in the moment. It sounds like your depression is still there. You may be happy with some parts of your life, but you may still be unhappy about other parts or something that's inside. Also, your anxiety and stress might have taken over, so you don't feel the depression as much. Or you could have numbed yourself. Also people with bipolar disoreder can be really happy sometimes and then really depressed other times.

Depression is a sneaky thief. It is always hiding back there with those old intrusive thoughts waiting to come out-especially if you have clinical depression.
It hides, and waits for it's moment-and, when you may least expect it-YOUR ELECTED!!!---Lying miserable entity--telling you you can't and you can't and you're worthless, and what's the point?---it's always hiding--i'd get my meds straightened out, hug your girlfriend---and hug yourself wishing all good things--theo

muse,

I really think the interpersonal/family stuff can carry a lot of psychological weight. Your parents maybe saying the wrong thing, or not showing the support you needed can be more weight than you realize you are carrying it around. For me, this weight is often anger. I'll be really pissed at them for not supporting me but I can't process that anger - so it turns into anger toward myself or stifled anger (which leads to sadness and depression). Just relating my experience, which might help. You might want to try to process what you are feeling about coming out as bisexual by writing - or telling it to a school psychologist.

Are you receiving professional help for your concerns?

Yes, I'm seeing my psychiatrist within the next two weeks or so, and then we have about two and a half months to work together before I leave for school again.

Thanks so much for all of your input, everybody. I was confused at first because I've never had that sort of "latent depression" that isn't right up in your face, making you feel awful every second, but now I can pretty accurately identify what I'm feeling (along with my anxiety) as an increase in depression, probably caused by family pressures. Hopefully my Pdoc and I can work all of this out over the summer!!